Son won’t buy new work shoes or clothes

[redragsausage]

I know it’s probably none of my business, but as a mum, you always think it is your business.

My son is 24 and won’t buy new work shoes or work clothes. He bought a couple of new shirts but wears the same pair of trousers every day. His shoes have holes in them and he’s had them for 6 years! He works in an office and does look fairly smart, but I don’t want people to comment that he’s looking scruffy.

What makes the whole situation even more ridiculous is that he is well paid for his age - £60k a year! But he only wants to spend on travelling, eating out, and savings!

He’s an adult, it’s his choice.

His colleagues are probably judging and talking about it but he's well into adulthood....leave him to it!

Sounds like he's prioritising his wage on fun things - I understand it! I've only just started properly investing in work clothes, prior to this I was all about the cheap and cheerful.

Surely his shoes with holes will just need a heavy rain day in winter to get him to buy some? If not, sounds like his Christmas present is sorted!

but I don’t want people to comment that he’s looking scruffy

the most powerful feedback one can ever receive is from a peer group. Or from Management in a professional setting.

they'll be doing him a favour by telling him if he looks scruffy. Hopefully it will give him food for thought that he needs to invest in his appearance.

He's now an adult and needs to make his own adult choices and mistakes, that's how he'll grow up. He sounds quite juvenile at 24yo even though he's earning £60K and yet deliberately not wanting to show up suitably dressed for work.

you could send him this link from indeed.com which includes

• Attire and grooming: How you dress and style yourself for work and other professional gatherings impacts your professional image. Demonstrating attention to your appearance reflects confidence and gives others the impression that you understand your social role in the workplace.

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/professionalism-image

I know LOTS of people like this this. They say it's wasting money.

I really don't get it. Even my tight fisted husband spends money on decent work clothes.

I used to buy lots of lovely work clothes as I took pride in my appearance and a shopping addiction! Now I balance it out and spend a sensible amount.

Buy him shoes and trousers for Christmas!

Let him get on with it. He's a grown man who can sort himself out.

We have someone like this at our workplace. They often wonder aloud why they've never been promoted in the twelve years theyve been there.

Christmas presents. What more can you do?

At 24 he knows he looks a scruff & is choosing not to do anything about it.

Has he got a sensory thing going on?

If he’s saving towards a deposit so that he can move out, I’d prioritise that over a big work wardrobe. I’m assuming he does live at home, otherwise how would you know that he wears the same trousers every day…

Do you think as his mummy they will send you a letter?

If anyone can tell him to smarten up, surely his mother can. He can either take the direct advice or choose to ignore.

As long as he’s clean and doesn’t smell I’d let him get on with it. I have a colleague who wears holey trousers held up by a bit of string and the sole of his shoes hanging off. He smells absolutely awful and it’s not fair on the rest of us … management have had a word but it doesn’t improve.

Very little you can do, other than buy him some clothes/shoes for Christmas! Ultimately he's a grown adult and responsible for himself. Is he customer facing or has to attend meetings with customers/outside companies? In which case, someone more senior may notice and comment. Or he may not get asked to attend due to his attire!! Big corporate companies, who are paying a generous salary, usually like their employees to look the part! No one expects him to turn up to work wearing a Gucci suit, but if someone looks smart etc, it shows they are making an effort, and therefore perhaps puts the same if not more into their role. May be gently say that to him.

My DS is the same! Always has been. Makes buying for birthdays and Christmas easy for me!

I'll start by saying I have 3 adult sons, all of whom tend towards scruffy. 2 have good and well paid jobs, and can certainly afford to buy new clothes.
If I think they need something new, I'll send them a link and ask if they like it, then I buy it. They may or may not send me the money, it doesn't really bother me one way or the other.
If it's something expensive like shoes then I will explicitly tell them that they can't walk around with holes in their shoes, that it looks unprofessional and their feet will get wet. Then I will sit next to them, make a few suggestions with links, and then leave it there.
Mine are more open than some young men to me sorting some of their clothes, none of them like shopping and so don't mind me getting involved . But I am very mindful that it is their business rather than mine, and if they baulk at all I back off quickly.
I do know what they like, and don't impose my taste. But I do make suggestions, and I do like looking for clothes that fit their criteria, in fact it's almost as satisfying as buying clothes for myself! I do this for DH too.
So OP, in your position I would buy your DS new shirts and trousers in his preferred style, basically replacements for the old one. But I know not everyone can afford that, and that many young men might not be happy with their mum buying their clothes.You know your own son best, how would he react if you just got him a few items?

I worked in a large office environment ( financial/debt management) and most of the people there looked like they’d just rolled out of bed. Grey trackie bottoms shorts and his hiawian shirts , trousers and flip flops , crocs, holey T-shirts , maybe his office doesn’t have a dress code?