I've found a box full of dummies under my 11 year old daughters bed

[Clafaci]

Hi I'm not sure what to do about this, I was cleaning my dd room yesterday a found a box full of dummies under her bed! She hasn't had dummies since she was 6. I know 6 is a bit old but me and my partner was going through a rough patch at the time and it seemed that was her only comfort. When me and dh had sorted things I told her she was getting older and had to get rid of them which she gladly did. But now years down the line I've come across this. I haven't moved the box as I was surprised and unsure what to do. I haven't confronted her, can anyone share any ideas. Please be nice

'Confront' is the wrong word but I do think you need to tell her you found them and gently ask why she has them. Perhaps she is still feeling traumatised for some reason but you won't find out if you don't ask. No need to be judgemental - just curious.

Could you do something to find out if she is still using them, or if she has merely kept them as a memento. For example position them in the box in a way that you will remember, or put a random sheet of paper or tissue on top and see if it moves? If she has had them since she was six, waiting another week to 'confront' her isn't going to make any difference.

Where have they come from through? presumably you got rid off her dummies when she was 6.
I would be asking I would then ask if she's using them it's one thing collecting them it's another using them they are so bad for her teeth and will likely cause issues.

You’ve reminded me of when this was a ‘trend’ when I was about her age.

Like you say just ask her about them when she gets back.

Where is she getting the money from to buy all these dummies? And does she often visit shops without you?

I'd definitely be asking if it was my dd- surely you wouldn't have 20-30 old dummies in your house, that's a lot of dummies to have!

It's weird.

She's 11- it's not invading privacy to clean an 11 year olds bedroom- it's normal as she's a child.

It sounds like it could either be a ‘trend’ or otherwise she is fulfilling a need. 20 is a lot, and even if she’s collecting them, it would be on the strange side of things, but then I’m not exactly clued up on pre-teen trends. I’d be concerned about her teeth if she’s sleeping with them. I’m not sure about confronting her about it, maybe it depends on how open and honest your mother-daughter relationship is, and then I am also of the opinion that she’s entitled to some privacy at that age if it’s harmless.

How expensive are dummies these days?
My boys are in their teens now ,but I remember buying some dummies for a £1 or so.

I wouldn’t say anything to her.
She should be allowed to keep some things private.

Either she just likes collecting them or she’s using them as a comfort thing.

I wouldn’t think she would have as many as she does if they were a comfort thing.
Usually like with a comfort blanket, it’s a certain one or two that you find comfort in.

It sounds more like she enjoys collecting them (a comfort in itself) and I wouldn’t be majorly concerned at this stage.

Keep an eye on the situation or any sort of reverting back to a younger age but don’t say anything.

She gets pocket money off myself and grandparents. She does go out with friends often we do live around a 5 minute walk from town so it wouldn't take her long to go to the supermarkets and back

She does have quite a collection. It does look like 4 or 5 have been used, she maybe collecting and using them aswell. I totally understand what you mean.

Her teeth are absolutely fine, I may just let her keep them I don't know what to do :(

I got rid of all her old ones or so I think i did anyway

The ones she has been buying are about 3 - 5 pounds

Hi sorry I've not replied she is using them as I seen her with one in her mouth an few days after I found them I asked her why does she still need them and she said its a comfort having them

How did you respond to this OP? Did you ask why she has so many?

Is there a reason she might find them comforting? You mentioned going through a rough patch, is it possible she’s still feeling anxious over this. Could you look into counselling or any other therapy?

I definitely advise seeing a dentist regularly, I sucked my thumb in private until secondary school. I ended up needing “train track” braces for years and was teased relentlessly. Is there anything else you can offer for comfort? a pp had some good suggestions like getting ice pops or drinks with an ice straw. Maybe she could choose something like a stuffed toy together to show your support.

I was shocked at first as I didn't expect her in her room and to see her with one in her mouth, I didn't know what to say. So I took a deep breath and then asked why she needed them, She said she also likes collecting them. I really don't know she was a big dummy user when she was younger. She maybe still is? She hasn't shown any anxiety not that I've seen anyway. As I suffer with anxiety a little bit. Yes I have thought about therapy but I'm not sure if she'd be to embarrassed to come out about it. Her teeth are perfect and straight. There's no dental problems, the stuffed toy doesn't sound a bad idea but she's never really been a huge teddy fan. She seems happier that I know about it. I'm just unsure of what to do or if anything?