My lovely grandad is very ill.

[OrlandointheWilderness]

My Grandad is 88, on and off ill health the last two years or so. Very sharp witted still, a lovely, generous, kind and funny man who is loved by all.
Yesterday he had a heart attack. Initially the consultant was upbeat - said it was minor, no major blockage after cath lab checked. Left him last night munching biscuits.
Today he's gone downhill. He's had bad moments where his HR has gone through the roof, his BP is high too. He has fluid around his heart but as it's under so much strain they can't give him the normal meds to clear it. He's also not urinating and they think his systems are starting to shut down.
Dr has discussed DNR with him (he's been very clear on his thought on this with us) and has said we can go to visit outside visiting hours, and there is a chance he won't recover.
He's still working chatty but he looks ill. I'm a nurse (3rd year student anyway!) but it's awful on the other side.

I'm just a bit lost. I'm trying my best to support my
Mum and aunt. I've got the kids so can't fly to be there, and we also need to support DGM. DP is at work 4 hours away and is coming home as fast as he can. Just feeling a bit low.

I was in this position a few months ago, it's brutal how quickly things/the person changes.

Do you have any friends who could sit with the kids to allow you to go whilst your DH is travelling?

If not prepare some bits to take with you. Cold as it sounds we packed a deck of cards to pass time and snacks and blankets as we didn't leave once we could see the process had started. We joked that he would only be disappointed to be missing the party!

Call the family and any friends who he may want to see - my DGF held on to speak to everyone (big family so that was a big pull on his reserves). Some of my cousins live to far to make it so they FaceTimed him on other family members phoned. Once he had done that he started to let go.

We also played him his favourite music and talked to him a lot about all of our memories with him as hearing is the last sense to fully go.

It's an awful, helpless feeling so sending hugs xx

Thank you so much @jugotmail. You are so right - I'm used to being the one in control and busy with patients, this slow waiting to see what happens is just awful. Some really good suggestions there, thank you.

I'm a control freak so having things that I could do kept me from thinking about the things I couldn't. Your training means you know the process and you can gently use this to keep the family in the know.

Focussing on your DM and DGM will also keep you going but make sure you find the time for your own emotions and grief. I just kept telling myself that the time for that was after, and it hit like a ton of bricks when I let go (still hitting three months on especially when something triggers a memory or something happens which I would have told him about)