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New school no friends

10 replies

SpikeGirl · 21/09/2024 16:42

DS (who is autistic) has just started secondary school. Because we moved in Year 6, nobody he knows from his old school has gone to the same one as him, which I was a little bit worried about but thought he won't be the only one in that position so hopefully will be OK. Obviously being autistic is a factor and I think being in a whole different social environment maybe he doesn't quite know what's expected of him and can definitely be 'quirky', but generally he's always been confident in himself, quite sociable and has a good sense of humour so he kind of gets along in most situations.

What's worrying me is that two weeks in he says he doesn't really like anyone in his year, some of the kids are 'ok' but he seems to have no interest really in trying to befriend anyone and I'm just worried he's going to miss the boat a bit. Or is it too early to think like that? He knows a few kids from a club outside school and seems to gravitate towards them in breaktime but they're in the two years above. They're nice boys but I'm also thinking there may be pitfalls there as they're obviously at a slightly more mature stage, and also DS can be quite easily led and I'm definitely seeing more attitude from him since he started.

What should I do - contact his form tutor? Is it too early to worry?

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Bluevelvetsofa · 21/09/2024 16:45

No harm in sending an email to his form tutor expressing your concern. S/he might have some suggestions and will certainly be able to keep an eye out and alert subject staff if necessary.

Clumsy12345 · 21/09/2024 16:45

This happened with my son he started secondary school with no friends from his primary, I was worried about him and posted about it on mums net at the time and people assured me he would “find his tribe” but he had no interest in making any friends and refused to speak to any of the other kids, needless to say they started targeting him and started bullying him, had to remove him in the end as was getting too much. He is also autistic

SpikeGirl · 21/09/2024 16:47

@Clumsy12345 I'm so sorry that happened and that is my worry as well. Is your son OK now?

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Pipecleanerrevival · 21/09/2024 16:49

ASD parent too. If your son is happy enough not having any real friends then you need to find a way to be Ok with it. If it becomes a problem for him then you can address it.

I would be more concerned about him hanging out with the older boys.

FumingTRex · 21/09/2024 16:49

Hello i would definitelt contact the school, they can try to pair him up with some like minded kids.

Clumsy12345 · 21/09/2024 16:52

No unfortunately not 😔 we live about 5 minutes walk from the school so he sees them all the time wont even go to the park or shop anymore as worried about bumping into them. He’s homeschooled for now until we find another school but wish the school wasn’t so close as he hasn’t really got away from them. Hopefully your son manages to make some friends the trouble with my son is he didn’t want any at all refused to speak to any of the other kids I think that’s why they targeted him.

SpikeGirl · 21/09/2024 16:58

Oh no, that's really sad @Clumsy12345 . Does he have any clubs or anything he does where he can meet people with similar interests? I know what you mean about just not being interested, I'm wondering if with DS it's just too much on top of everything that comes with starting secondary school and he can't see the point in also making an effort with lots of new people.

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Doveyouknow · 21/09/2024 17:00

This was my DS last year. He said he wasn't bothered about making friends but really I think he was shy, missed his old friends and didn't want to admit it. The school kept an eye on him and tried to encourage him to join clubs etc. In the end he has made friends of his own accord and has people to hang out with in the playground. He has friends in the years above as well and for him this has helped as they have looked out for him.

SpikeGirl · 21/09/2024 17:01

Thanks @Pipecleanerrevival I know what you mean, and he does seem quite happy. But he had one or two close friends at primary school and was also widely liked as he was known for being a bit of a 'character'. There's a side of him that's very self-reliant and obviously we can't force things as parents, but I do think he'll be happier and better off if he can just find a few kindred spirits.

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SpikeGirl · 21/09/2024 17:07

Doveyouknow · 21/09/2024 17:00

This was my DS last year. He said he wasn't bothered about making friends but really I think he was shy, missed his old friends and didn't want to admit it. The school kept an eye on him and tried to encourage him to join clubs etc. In the end he has made friends of his own accord and has people to hang out with in the playground. He has friends in the years above as well and for him this has helped as they have looked out for him.

Oh, bless him. It's so hard isn't it? I'm glad he's found some friends now, maybe it does just take more time for some children. I'm trying to encourage DS with clubs, we'll see but he's very stubborn and will resist being told to do anything if it's not clearly compulsory. Maybe I can put a plan in place with school about a couple of clubs he has to try out.
That's a positive side of having some friends in the years above I suppose if they look out for him.

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