Urgent help needed please, single mum, feel like I'm having a breakdown

[BarbaraVineFan]

I'm here alone with my daughter aged 4 and just can't regulate my emotions at all, keep shouting at her and crying. While I was making lunch she literally got out every single toy and there are little pieces all over the floor and I have been trying to tidy up with her but she is just making more mess, like putting things back in the wrong places and spilling bits of puzzle and I just can't. Haven't got the energy to make it into a game. No support, just feel desperate and like this is the last straw, just fed up being on my own all the time

Can you take her out? Let her run around a park with a ball or go to a playground. Fresh air might do you both some good.

I would, but the mess is just stressing me out so much and when we get back it will still be there

You'll be calmer then and it's just mess. There's no rush to tidy it up.

This is age where you take her to the park, or walk around the neighbourhood. Anything that physically tires her out. I get that you are also exhausted but this is what she needs the most so try to do this every day if possible. Once she is physically tired she is more likely to play quietly with just the one or two toys. Hang in there!

Yes but it won't get any worse while you're out! A walk? Food shop? Swimming? Playground?

As others have said get out of the house for a while. It will regulate you. Then when you get back, cuppa tea, bung tv on for her, headphones on and listen to some music while you tidy up.

does it matter if it’s put back ‘wrong’ ??
it’s nearly tea time. Have some tea, get a movie in with some snacks that you will both enjoy as a treat. Get snuggy in the sofa x

It will still be there be for sure, but you will have recharged your batteries. Pop out and get some air and let your DD run around a bit.
Being a solo parent is hard. Hang on in there ...

I’ve been a single mum since my kids were 8,5 and 2 and quite frankly you need to pick your battles or you will exhaust each orher. Put it away as part of a nighttime routine and ignore it during the day. And get out of the house.

When does she start school? You really need some time alone by the sounds of things. Don't give up mama, it's so hard but you love her very much I'm sure.

Are you ever getting any breaks? When is the next one due.

When I got like this I'm afraid I'd but the telly on and just let things go for a bit.

I would be tempted to take her out and let her use lots of energy, while you have a coffee. Then when she is tired bring her back let her watch some tv and you could tidy up then. That age is hard work, you are constantly spinning plates.

Put some toys away somewhere where she cannot get them out, just leave a few to play with

I've been there, put it all away when she goes to bed. It's a waste of time putting toys away during the day when she's playing with them.

Go out for some fresh air together, take a ball, run around. Perhaps a drink and cake somewhere too so you're not stuck at home feeling stressed.

Don't tidy in the day it's pointless. Once she's asleep put some music on it an audiobook and deal with what you can face. Time half an hour then have a biscuit then do half hour and another biscuit or whatever. Stupid as it sounds I find self bribery helps me!

Going forward keep toys with small parts out of reach and o ly get them out when you are aware. Start a new rule no new toys out until you put the last ones away. I have what I call 'toy time out' for toys that have not been put away when I've asked for them to be. Sometimes toys are in there just a day other times over a week if they'll kids are taking the piss. Age 4 she will be able to understand the rule.

Consider where toys are allowed. Maybe some/most need to stay in child's bedroom and o ly one can come out at a time? Depends on the layout of your house you do t want to essentially banish your child from the living room. But maybe you have a dining room the toys could be in? Then if you can't face the mess of an evening you can shut the door and sit in a tidy room to recover ready to face it tomorrow.

And then you need to drop your standards. It hurts me to know there is Lego in with the marble run right now in my house but they are both in boxes and not on the floor so I pretend not to know about it.

Pick your battles op else you'll be in an endless cycle of shouting and being stressed.

Does mess really matter? Your house isn't going to be a show home with young kids and you may aswell try and accept it. Have a half hour of mad tidying once she is in bed.

Once I learned to just accept that things would be messy and there would be tantrums etc then I just kind of felt less stressed and let some things go.

Thanks all for your kind suggestions. I didn't feel mentally strong enough to go out, thought I might cry in the street :( so I put a film on for her and tidied it all up.

The problem for me is that I'm a full time teacher, so after she goes to bed is when I do my schoolwork, so I've never got that time to do tidying etc.

I don't normally worry too much about mess, but she literally got everything out today and mixed it all up, and I was quite tired and stressed anyway so it sent me over the edge a bit.

Get two boxes for the toys and rotate them once a fortnight or month. Keeps her interested and involved, gives you less to clean up.

We've all had days like this, you just need to girdle those loins and push through any way you can. If you can't tidy at night then leave it for the next. But try to incorporate a 5 minute tidy time before bed with her even if there's some left over. Good habits and all that.

Back again, sorry, just using this thread to vent really.

I think the main thing I find hard is that once I become dysregulated it's very hard to regulate myself because I can't do any of the things that would help, like walking away, taking some time alone, going for a walk, doing some exercise. I just have to carry on. The mess will still be there, DD will still need feeding, bathing, putting to bed. Life marches on and I have to try to keep up, even when I'm feeling like running away,

How are things now? And how are you OP?

Things will hopefully improve when she goes to school full time?

What do you think?
Maybe you could put her in after school clubs few nights a week and get the extra work done then in peace?

It’s so hard being a parent. It will get better though, I promise. Every year has passes, things improve.

She’ll get better at tidying up as she gets older. Maybe limit access to what she can get out!? Less for you to tidy up.

I found these tears soul destroying. So very dull. You love them with all your heart but all you want is adult company see some friends and remember who you are again .