Even my DH doesn't want sex with me ..

[TomandJerrysmousehunt]

I'm that gross and disgusting. Feeling so very very low tonight. Sorry to vent

Sorry I saw this and couldn't dash - I am sure you are not. This is his problem not yours. I am in a similar boat with my DW and I have identified that its not me that is the problem - although I do get the blame. Don't be so hard on yourself, speak to family and friend and learn about yourself - see the positives about you - I bet its not you!

Ty @thelastkingdom I lay staring at my DH back most nights. While I lay naked, with my hands on his arse..he sleeps. And sleeps. I have undiagnosed body dismorphia. Dh has no idea how bad this is/ how I view myself. I'm currently crying silently on the sofa at how I look/ feel about myself/ my Dh doesn't want sex with me..I'm going to walk out into the night soon, alone.

I'm sorry you feel this way too xxx

Hey, please don’t walk out into the night on your own. We are here, talk to us please.

@TomandJerrysmousehunt Just remember this is probably not you. My DW said she didn't like my hair - I got it cut. Said I was overweight - I lost weight. Everything I do is not good enough, I have learned that its not me its her! I do not know you but I bet if you step outside your comfort zone and ask family / friends even strangers I bet they all will say postive things about you - I bet you are beautiful inside and out and don't let anyone tell you otherwise

Ty. There is nothing pretty/ sexy)/attractive about me anymore. I've left home, it's dark. I've turned my location off. It's cold. Of course dh is asleep and blissfully unaware

Hey OP Do you believe you have BDD? I have BDD too. Have you had a look at the BDD foundation website? They do free group therapy for BDD which I am just about to start. They also have a helpline for advice about accessing treatment etc. not sure what's going on with your husband but regardless do seek some help for your BDD. It really is the most awful insidious disease that infects everything. There is help out there.

bddfoundation.org

Stay safe - have you got somewhere you can go for some support? A friend or family?

You need to seek some mental health support. Walking out into the night because your DH is asleep and isn’t having sex is very reactive. Do you feel able to speak to your GP?

Where are you op?

Im sure you are not disgusting.

Why have you left the house?

@TomandJerrysmousehunt - stop it. turn your location back on, get a taxi home or to a friends? be safe.

Please OP speak to us.
Its not good for you to be out in the cold night alone.
We are all here to listen 💐

Ty all. I've had cancer
I have a nasty scar as a result. Dh never ever wants sex. Makes me feel so unwanted and unattractive. I lay next to his back every night. I'm naked I caress him. He never reacts or initiates. He was like this before the cancer. I've put weight on
I feel so very fugly. I touch him all the time. I get very little back. I snog him, he pulls away after about 30 seconds. I feel so very very very unwanted and quite frankly ugly.
It's cold. I should go home

Yes, Op, please go home.
You sound like you have been through a lot and must be a strong person to have endured everything you have been through.
There is more to all of us than what we look like. Everybody has something beautiful about them, and I’m speaking as someone who is considered unattractive.
It sounds like your DH isn’t a great source of comfort at the moment, and that must be very difficult for you.
Do you have other people in your life that care about you?

Please stop taking responsibility for your husband's inadequacy. These are classic behaviours of a man suffering from erectile dysfunction and refusing to go to the GP to be assessed. This has nothing to do with how you look, your cancer or your scar. If you analyse this from a practical point of view, we know that these things do not matter at all when all is well. This man has a physical or psychological problem and is not being accountable for the effect this is having on you. He is in fact, allowing you to carry the blame for his own inadequacy. I think its time you got angry.

You need to speak to someone you know or a professional to voice your feelings and get some support

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/talk-us-phone/

https://bddfoundation.org/support/support-groups-in-the-uk/

Please be kind to yourself.

Dear Op
Hope you are home and safe.

Is there anyone you can stay with for a few days just to give yourself some space to think? You deserve so much more then this and I hope you are safe.

I hope you got back home safe. Have you had any therapy since having cancer ? Talked to anyone ?
I don't think there is such a thing as ugly really . Just different to what we have been in the past or the perfect images that are drilled into everyone .
I would definitely be considered ugly by those standards. And I have gained weight since the menopause and not just a little . We are all still loveable.
Your appearance isn't the problem it's your dh that's the problem .
For your sanity you should have a Frank conversation with him and tell him how he is making you feel.
He may be clueless to all of this.

He has a problem and it's unlikely to be how you look. It's more likely he is having feelings he can't handle, it might be time to talk and see if he can open up. What I mean is this is a signal of problems in the relationship, may not be anyone's fault, sometimes it's just a case of having a crisis about where am I going type thing, maybe he wants to end it but because you, understandably are needy, you are vulnerable and he's scared. Give him the benefit of the doubt to start with, we can't force people to feel if they don't. The most important thing is you, you WILL be ok whatever happens. If he needs to be released from the relationship, it's because you deserve to meet the person who will adore and desire you, and you will my love. It's so easy for me in my 50s to promise life will turn out OK but it's not so easy to live through the tough times. But you will. I promise x