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Original poster

Difficult situation, DH lost job

21 replies

Scaredscs · 19/09/2024 21:51

I am really worried. DH has autism and depression and anxiety and I’m scared about how he may spiral from this. He was a senior manager in the civil service and was dismissed due to allegations of gross misconduct. He believes he has been discriminated against due to being disabled as the allegations are false and he wasn’t listened to. He has a union helping him but doesn’t think they have been helpful.

I don’t know what to make of it all. His entire team are moving due to an organisational structure so initially there were conversations around redundancy and moving roles. Then he applied successfully to a job in the same company and started it, yet someone from his old role complained about him once he left and this was investigated. DH feels his evidence in defence wasn’t reviewed, his witnesses weren’t interviewed and he hasn’t been treated fairly. Felt there was a preconceived outcome.

It’s been ongoing for a few months and he has been stressed and we have been trying to sort finances. I asked him to start applying for jobs months ago, but he has been fixated on “fighting” this. Now we probably only have enough to cover the next month. I work part time due to DC. He was the higher earner. Everything is just a mess.

OP posts:
PoachesPeaches · 19/09/2024 21:54

He needs to get a job obviously. Could he look at something interim - part time, or not too demanding?

PullTheBricksDown · 19/09/2024 21:55

Gross misconduct has to indicate something pretty serious. What was he accused of, some kind of financial fraud or what sort of misdemeanor?

On the practical front, if you have a mortgage can you get a payment holiday? Think of what you can cancel for the short term.

anxietyaardvark · 19/09/2024 21:56

This sounds really tough for both of you. He does need to just find any job in the meantime.

I'm autistic too and would guess that things like shame, RSD and the fixation that neurodivergent people can sometimes have on things being fair are dominating his thoughts.

How open to discussing all of this is he? Any friends or family that you can call on to help motivate him to look for work?

StormingNorman · 19/09/2024 22:03

Can you pick up more hours while he’s job hunting? He can pick up the slack with DC.

Original poster
Scaredscs · 19/09/2024 22:05

To be honest I don’t really understand the gross misconduct myself, I have read the letter several times. His previous direct report claimed DH bullied him. DH denies the allegations and sent dozens of documents in evidence to contradict and show the support he offered, HR advice, the policies etc. However the investigation was conducted by DH’s previous line manager who DH had complained about himself prior to all this, so DH feels it was biased and a parting shot.

DH can get fixated on things, and the investigator said he sent too many documents and not everything is relevant which I could imagine to be the case. Some of this can be attributed to DH’s neurodivergence too, he is good at his job and generally okay in social situations but he can come across as being direct sometimes. But I read over the evidence DH had sent and think he defended the accusations well. There isn’t any evidence against DH aside from the complainant’s word. It seems very heavy handed.

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User6874356 · 19/09/2024 22:09

What gross misconduct are they alleging?

PoachesPeaches · 19/09/2024 22:11

Good mention about mortgage holiday.

The Mortgage Charter scheme is still running since it was set up during Covid . Its an instant 6 month break to interest only without changing the mortgage and no Impact on credit rating.

Obviously payments go up after 6 months to reflect the break.

PoachesPeaches · 19/09/2024 22:15

Has he had any union support? Or do you have an HR manager in your network? Employee helpline with legal advice ?

Original poster
Scaredscs · 19/09/2024 22:26

Thank you all.

yes he has union support and legal support via them. His union have jumped into action since he was dismissed but they weren’t very proactive beforehand

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Hardknocks · 19/09/2024 22:27

I’m pretty sure the investigating party has to be completely separate, this does sound like he’s been worked out. Has he appealed the decision? If so, the appeal needs to be heard by the next line manager up (as far as I’m aware).

Cyclebabble · 19/09/2024 22:29

So in all HR processes there does need to be a right of appeal. Without this the process is open to significant challenge. This certainly exists in the Civil Service. Has your DH exercised this?

Original poster
Scaredscs · 19/09/2024 22:35

I have picked up an extra 4 hours per week, my employer couldn’t offer more. I have been frantically applying for jobs.

I just can’t believe what has happened. We used to do the same job but my career stalled after DC and his sky rocketed. I’m stuck between wanting to give DH a hug and also just wanting to rant at him for us being in this mess. I want him to be okay but I’m also concerned about him, he’s been drinking more than usual in recent weeks. DC have noticed he’s not himself too and it breaks my heart.

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Original poster
Scaredscs · 19/09/2024 22:39

@Hardknocks @Cyclebabble oh yes, he is hyperfixated on appealing this and intends to. It is the only thing on his mind at the moment. I’d like for him to focus on looking for jobs as I genuinely think a new job will give him a break from the cycle he’s in, but he isn’t hearing me. He’s just ranting about how his old manager’s involvement etc.

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FS90 · 19/09/2024 22:40

I mean if this isn’t likely to be resolved then surely he just needs to get another job? What has he been doing in terms of job applications over the last few months? Can you not increase your hours if he isn’t working?

FS90 · 19/09/2024 22:41

Sorry I just saw your post about your own job and hours

Hardknocks · 19/09/2024 22:42

I can almost see where he’s coming from. If he gets another job it’s like ‘conceding defeat’. But unfortunately nobody really has the luxury of waiting it out. You need to say to him in no uncertain terms you can’t afford for him not to work, or he needs to claim JSA. It shouldn’t be left on your shoulders.

Original poster
Scaredscs · 19/09/2024 22:43

FS90 · 19/09/2024 22:40

I mean if this isn’t likely to be resolved then surely he just needs to get another job? What has he been doing in terms of job applications over the last few months? Can you not increase your hours if he isn’t working?

Yes this is my thought process. He feels majorly hard done by. And I do agree he’s been treated poorly, but equally why would he want to return to that employer. It’s clearly going to be a volatile situation but he doesn’t see that. Yes I have increased my hours but they couldn’t offer much.

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Original poster
Scaredscs · 19/09/2024 22:47

Hardknocks · 19/09/2024 22:42

I can almost see where he’s coming from. If he gets another job it’s like ‘conceding defeat’. But unfortunately nobody really has the luxury of waiting it out. You need to say to him in no uncertain terms you can’t afford for him not to work, or he needs to claim JSA. It shouldn’t be left on your shoulders.

Thank you for understanding

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 20/09/2024 07:50

My own DH gets fixated like this and is incredibly stubborn with it. I don’t think there’s any getting through to them! I find the quickest way out of whatever he’s fixating on is support…encourage and hurry the process along if you can.

It sounds counterintuitive to what you need (which is him earning again) but may get you to that end goal quicker than trying to reason with him.

Good luck!!!

Happii · 20/09/2024 07:55

The civil service has a very set procedure for investigating claims, even if his previous line manager was involved others would have been to. The good thing with a set process is that they are required to make records, take minutes at each and every point, and his union can assist in accessing these hopefully. It is quite unusual for them to fire people for this, do you trust he's telling the whole truth?

Original poster
Scaredscs · 20/09/2024 08:45

Happii · 20/09/2024 07:55

The civil service has a very set procedure for investigating claims, even if his previous line manager was involved others would have been to. The good thing with a set process is that they are required to make records, take minutes at each and every point, and his union can assist in accessing these hopefully. It is quite unusual for them to fire people for this, do you trust he's telling the whole truth?

At times he can misread social cues, he’s quite analytical and can be pedantic sometimes so I wondered if it was that. But I have looked over the documents he has submitted and he seems to have been completely supportive.

I don’t think he has bullied anyone. I think there’s an element of his own leadership wanting to get rid and using this as their excuse.

I used to work for the civil service and I have seen all the documents in DH’s investigation report. There is no evidence to support the complainant other than their testimony, DH has submitted a lot of evidence that does contradicts claims but this wasn’t included in the report. His witnesses weren’t interviewed. This is his appeal grounds but I just think he’s focused on the wrong things as it’s a horrible situation to return to even if his appeal is successful.

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