Do you raise low level rudeness between your child and peers (but not friends) with school?

[User90121]

A wordy title there!

DD 9 has come home saying that she went over to a child and asked something about shared school club they do together. The girl in question just said ‘yes’ in a not so nice tone when DD came over to her. Then after DD asked her question she said ‘you can go now we’re playing’.

They are not friends. This girl has been rude and exclusionary to DD before on several occasions. I have raised it with wrap around care staff as it happens there and school also know.

I don’t want this girl to ostracise DD from this activity they do and I don’t want her being so rude and mean to DD. It feels low level, but it’s another thing from the same child.

Would you raise it with school?

If it were my DD I'd tell her not to waste any more breath on the little madam and explain to her that some people just have unfortunate personalities

Just tell DD not everyone has to like her and to talk to other kids at the club instead. I'd think it ridiculous if a parent complained about what you described above - the other child has done nothing wrong. She is allowed to not like your DD FFS and her response was not mean.

@NoEscapingMe 😁 I have done that and DD is getting to the point where she can shrug it off. It’s just really annoying me! I guess it’s a life lesson but so unnecessary.

Very unnecessary but the world's full of people who enjoy being unnecessarily rude both adults and children if you catch my drift

You don’t think a hostile ‘yes’ and ‘you can go now’ is rude? You’d be okay with your friends, colleagues or strangers speaking to you like that?

I don’t expect everyone to like DD, I would hope for basic courtesy though.

I don’t want to bother the teacher though and DD can handle it, so perhaps it’s just worth leaving for now.

This is something she needs to learn to deal with herself. You can practise with her. Not everyone will be kind or even polite. Teach her not to bother with people who are rude.

If it was our school and if it was persistent behaviour, I'd raise it. They're very strong on not having to agree with or like everyone but you do have to treat everyone with respect.

Long term the other file will lose friends. That’s the consequence.

It may not be until high school - but it will happen.

Let her shrug off the rudeness you can’t change people:

There’s a bit of a trend in my daughter’s primary for the girls saying ‘Did I ask?’ when others give titbits of information that were not asked for. I’ve told dd so and told her to respond with ‘Did you mean to be so rude?’. I’d have a word with the teacher if it goes on a lot.

This is what I think. They shouldn’t be forced to play together but basic courtesy is important.

I think I’m leaving it this time but will watch the situation carefully and feedback if it continues. I hate that they like the same activity and will be both pitched against each other and also be on the same team at points if they both continue with the activity. I’d love DD to have nothing to do with her.

I’d love to know what her mums like. She might be exactly the same. She sounds horrible

@User90121 we’ve got a similar situation here. There’s a girl that’s nasty to dd who had just turned up at DD’s extra curricular club that she’s been going to for 3 years. My heart sank when dd came home and told me

Mum actually seems nice enough! @VivaciousRadish

It’s so frustrating. Hope that three years of the activity means she has friends there and can avoid the rude child.

I don't know if calling out rudeness is the best idea, it can make your dd a target. Better to say something like 'do I care?' in a cheeky tone.