How to support DN with relationship dilema

[BadMoodBoard]

I am very close to DN and he talks to me a lot. He's just turned 17 but he's been in a committed relationships since he was 14. We all like his gf, she's absolutely lovely. DN adores her and feels she's the love of his life, the right person for him, etc. However, he also has urges to be with other people, and worries about cheating on her when he goes to uni. At the same time he worries that if he loses his gf, he'll never find anyone like her and he'll make the mistake of his life. She is in a permanent state of anxiety over him leaving her. Obviously life will probably take care of this naturally, but I would also like to know how to best support DN through this. I don't know, perhaps there are books or relevant movies about this? This whole thing is taking up so much of his energy and he seems to be soaking up a lot of his gf's anxiety.

He needs to break up with her for both their sakes. His poor gf, it's really not fair on her.

I agree with you, but obviously he needs to arrive to this conclusion himself, I can't tell him that.

If he's coming to you for advice, then I think it would be okay to gently suggest it to him. Explain to him how unfair it is to his gf and if they really are meant to be together they can come back to each other later in life.

Thanks. I'd really would rather help him with what he's feeling/thinking, than suggest a course of action.

I feel for the nephew and girlfriend. Does she have plans to go away to university too?

I do think that having a conversation around how it may be kinder and more honest for both of them to agree to just be friends. Stay in contact with each other but "have a break" and if they end up together then all good but maybe they will each find someone else or have fun looking.

However I was in this situation and would have found that devastating and struggled to handle "planning" a controlled end to the relationship like that. With hindsight though, would have been nicer than the wondering and ultimately the actual end of relationship that did come for me and many friends in similar circumstances.

Are they able to plan for some sort of "going away celebration" - holiday, meal whatever? Acknowledging how hard this is and that many much older adults struggle with good endings and relationship breakups is all you can do. And reassuring him that all he can do is be honest and kind.