To think im going to end up alone

[MollySummers]

Hi.
Come from a small family and have an only child. Split from child's father when they were very young. He's now more involved and child prefers him. I'm re married to someone who has little family. I feel like when my child is older they're not going to have much of a relationship with me.

How does he get on with his stepfather? I hated mine. He died when I was a teenager I would honestly have avoided my Mother when older if he had been alive. There were dreadful reasons but even if not he just may feel a bit left out or resentful

Instead of wasting your time doom mongering about the future you need to do things with your child. Go in cafes, go to the cinema go on days out. Stop hand wringing and take action.

If you'd read the thread you would see we're out all the time.

They get on well. Child has time with me 121 as he works away about 3 to 5 nights a month.

They sit in the house all weekend watching films and eating shit

Well if that's what he enjoys doing, you could do it with him a bit too. I schedule in "Mummy DS/DD time". We plan it a day or so in advance and they get 1 to 1 time with me for two hours doing anything they feel like and eating anything they want. They love it. Obviously we can't do that every day, but once a week and it's their time to feel special and have my undivided attention on whatever activity they want.

Why don't you live in the present?
You've no.idea of how things are going to.turn out?

He's only seven. As he gets older he will start to understand and appreciate which parent was actually parenting and which one was taking the easy way out. He'll realise that what he wants now and what's best for him are not necessarily the same thing.

But also, you raise children to be strong enough to cope on their own and to choose the lives they want. They're not insurance against possible loneliness.

Make the most of the time you have with him and try to be in the present rather than worrying about the future.

I'll be honest with you, OP, you sound depressed to me.

You are stressing and anxious about things that haven't happened yet or may never happen. You have a 7 year old who spends most of his time with you. Of course he loves his dad and misses him - he doesn't see him as much as he sees you so he probably has an underlying anxiety about that and likes to express how he wants to be with him.

Why not just enjoy your time with your son. Stop thinking of it as a competition where if you go out for a day with your son, he has to fill in a review at the end saying whether he gives 4 stars to mum or 4 stars to dad. Just decide how you want to have your family live so you and your son are happy and do that. AS a family we go to the shops on saturday and then out to the zoo or whatever on sunday and always have take out on Friday and like to play cards after dinner - or whatever. Design your own life - don't try to copy what your ex does. your son will be fine. If he says "I love my time with dad" that isn't an indictment of you - it is just what it says.

And honestly I think you should see someone about your own mental health because you sound so down about something that isn't actually happening.

My eldest two kids always used to come back from their dads saying they wanted to go back there, I was boring, why didn’t I do x y z like their dad did, I was no fun etc.

it did hurt but I just ignored it in the end and just made sure that they did loads with me

funnily enough both are now in their early 20s and their dad barely bothers with them now, doesn’t even see his grandkids (ds kids) and my ds actually said that they knew now who had put the hard work in and appreciated me a lot more.

i also made sure i had hobbies even if it was a crochet club in the local library or the gym etc, I wasn’t just focused on the dc.

the grass is always greener on the other side when you’re seven!

Does he have friends over at your house? If you make it a welcoming space for his friends that would increase the fun level and take some pressure off you.

A regular movie night where you take turns picking a movie? You'll likely learn a lot on where he's at by the movies hr picks and how he reacts to what's going on in the movie. Sometimes it's a great way to discuss things indirectly.

The only children I know are happy, have a good relationship with both parents and are quite social.