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Original poster

Working full time with a baby

16 replies

any009 · 18/09/2024 16:02

I went back to work after a year off for mat leave yesterday and It was honestly the worst day ever. I cried all day and the guilty feeling of leaving dd and going to work just wouldn’t go. Everyone I spoke to at work yesterday was so shocked I have come back full time when I have baby and they were all asking how are you going to manage I think this affected me me more and made me feel worse. At the moment I honestly feel like I’m the only person in this world working full time and I just keep thinking how can I leave my daughter for 5 days a week. Is she even going to remember I’m her mum? Is she still going to be close to me? Will she think I have just abandoned her?

please tell me these feelings will pass and I will be able to adjust. I see no way out of it right now and the hardest thing is I have no choice but to actually work full time.

has anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:
pitterpatterrain · 18/09/2024 16:12

You are not the only one working FT despite their comments, sure someone can dig out the stats if sufficiently motivated

Many people return to work way before a year as well, 12 months is an arbitrary amount shaped by UK legislation

Just because people have not seen it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist

I can’t talk about your feelings but the idea your DC won’t remember you / abandonment is rather extreme

transitioning back to work can be hard - give yourself time to adjust and be kind to yourself

mimbleandlittlemy · 18/09/2024 16:13

I know it's really difficult but to be honest tens of hundreds of thousands of women over many, many years have been in exactly your position, it's really not uncommon and I don't know why your colleagues are sounding so surprised. My son is in his early 20s now, so when he was a baby the maternity leave rules meant I had to go back to work when he was 7 months old, and I went straight back to working a five day week and some evenings each month. Honestly, he always knew who I was and we always did have and continue to have, a lovely relationship. It is horrible the first few weeks back but everything will settle down and it will become your routine. Please don't punish yourself for it - you are a good mum and she will be fine.

SophiaPetrillo1905 · 18/09/2024 16:15

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.
Of course she will remember you're her mum - you have a bond nobody else does. She will see you every day when you get home so although you're working 'full time' that is not the same as every hour of the day.
The guilt lessens over time but you have to remember that you are doing what is best for your family as a whole. I know for me, that definitely wasn't just being with my baby, as much as I might have liked that!
I hope you can start to feel a bit more settled as you get into a routine and enjoy your weekends as quality time with your baby.

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ihaveadream42 · 18/09/2024 20:51

Oh, my heart absolutely breaks for you reading this. I know exactly how you feel, and please believe me when I say you are not alone in this. I went back to work full-time after 15 months, and I remember feeling just like you do now—it was so incredibly hard. But please trust me when I say she will absolutely remember you!

I know this new reality feels overwhelming right now, but it does get easier, little by little. It’s okay to feel all the emotions you’re feeling—they’re completely valid. You and your little one will find your way through this, and you’ll both adjust to this new normal. I’m sending you all my love, and just know that you’re not alone in this.

Bugbeau · 18/09/2024 21:01

I absolutely remember how incredibly hard this was. I was heartbroken going back. I went back full time when my first was 6 months old! It was the only way we could manage financially. He is now 13, no ill effects, doing great at school and we are very close. Your baby will be fine, so try be kind to yourself. The well meaning comments are really unhelpful, but the novelty soon wears off and people move onto something else.

Original poster
any009 · 19/09/2024 01:55

Thank you all so much for your replies it’s actually helped me a lot hearing from other mums that have gone through the same situation. I’m positive I can get through this now

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 19/09/2024 01:56

What kind fo job do you have?? Is it extremely demanding??

Not sur why your colleagues are so shocked

ElaineMBenes · 19/09/2024 03:05

I got very similar comments when I returned full time. My response was to ask if they'd said the same to Mr Benes (we worked at the same organisation at the time).
Of course they hadn't and it shut most people up.

We both managed perfectly well because we're a team and childcare isn't only my responsibility.

ihaveadream42 · 19/09/2024 16:08

@any009

How did your first evening go after working?

How was today? Better?

Parker231 · 19/09/2024 16:12

It’s not unusual. All my friends and family returned to full time work after maternity leave - in my case with the DT’s after six months. I didn’t need to return to work but wanted to continue with my career. It helped by having a supportive DH and an amazing nursery.

alpacachino · 19/09/2024 16:20

It will be tough but it will get easier day by day

Everyone commenting on your working hours can get in the fucking bin

SophiaPetrillo1905 · 19/09/2024 19:36

Hi @any009 I hope today's gone better for you at work and that you're enjoying the time with Baby009.

Thinking of you and hoping you're feeling better.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 19/09/2024 19:40

Your colleagues are absolute dicks making you feel like this. If they don't know that millions of mums work FT across the globe, either for need or for desire to do so, then they have lived pathetically sheltered lives.
You are a brilliant mother - you are providing for your child, setting her a good example of what clever smart ladies do and CAN do, offering your services and skills to the community - need I go on. You have got this, it is always hard at first.
And of course your baby will know who you are. You are her mum and nothing changes that. You will enjoy and look forward to family time evenings, weekends and holidays and she will grow healthy and adaptable, able to be cared for by others.

DelurkingAJ · 19/09/2024 19:42

From the other side, my DMum worked FT all my life (went back when I was six WEEKS old because it was the 80s!). I adore my DMum and look up to her enormously.

Similarly with PP, I agreed with DH that ‘wouldn’t you rather be PT?’ was a question I would answer politely after ONE person had asked DH the same. I’ve never needed to be polite about it.

DSs are 8 and 11 and know exactly who I am and I am a much better mother for working FT. Others will make different choices but they are not you.

K0OLA1D · 19/09/2024 19:44

I worked FT from 8 months with one and 9 with the other. Due to shifts neither needed to go to nursery though. I don't know if I would have felt different then

meieixhw · 19/09/2024 19:52

You think that working full time will make your baby not remember you're her mum? Really? Hmm

You could always quit your job and be a 'full time mummy' but no doubt you went back to work full time because you need the money...

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