Moral Injury, at my wits end

[Lm404061]

I’ve been in my job 7 years. I’ve slowly come to the realisation that the job goes against my values in many ways. For some background I’m not a clinician but I work for the NHS and I see so much wasted resource and the direct impact this has on patients lives. Not only that, but my boss encourages me to do things I find immoral example, overcharging the NHS, lying about the work I am doing. I joined because I wanted to help the NHS. We are not given the resources to do a proper job. I’m given so much work I don’t know what’s going on half the time and I am too busy to do a good job, even when I am trying my best. I could go on. I’m beyond demoralised and disillusioned. I’m fairly sure I am suffering from moral injruy. The last two years have been a real struggle. I have looked for a new job on and off but I havnt been able to find anything. Sometimes I stop looking because I think maybe it’s not that bad.
lately I’ve got to the point where I cannot stand it. I’m on the verge of quitting without something to go to. Whenever I look at jobs I’m just not motivated to apply. I think I am burnt out and depressed. I have no motivation to job hunt but I’m miserable. Every day this week I have cried at my desk over work.
I have some savings but I live in an expensive city and own a flat by myself so I am nervous to just quit without something to go to.
Has anyone ever been in this position or is able to offer any advice?
Can I go off sick, recover and then look for another job? I think even working my 3 month notice period would be a struggle at this point.
Thanks so much for reading.

Are you working directly for the NHS or a private contractor? Are you in a union?

Thanks for your reply. I don’t work directly for the NHS, they are a client of my company. No union unfortunately.

Google whistle blowing policy and your local nhs board and see if you could follow their guidance? Failing that yeah take time off full pay and sick and use time to find a new job…

OK, so there's two maybe separate things in your OP.

There's seeing wasted resources in the NHS which feels from the way you describe it as if it's a broader issue than your job. Could you nevertheless write up your observations and send them to the Trust or CCG or NHS England etc etc? You'll probably know better than me. Or the new Office for Value for Money? Google it.

And then there's being tasked with things which are immoral, like overcharging or lying about work. This would absolutely ruin a good person - I can totally understand why this is impossible to work with. I don't have any sense of how large your organisation is, nor how easy it would be to find another role. But I would hope you could report your manager. No way should this be allowed to continue. It's reprehensible.

That makes more sense. I completely understand - it sounds pretty soul-destroying, and you don't have the support you get from working directly for the NHS.

Judging by your boss's behaviour you don't owe them any loyalty. I would start looking for a new job, and once you have one, report your previous company to the NHS whistleblowing service.

https://www.england.nhs.uk/ourwork/freedom-to-speak-up/how-to-speak-up-to-us-about-other-nhs-organisations/

Consider copying your MP into any correspondence.

Thanks for the responses. They totally gaslight us into thinking it’s normal so glad to get a bit of validation too that I’m not going mad.