Friend in crash

[Iz30]

One of my friends was in a crash recently. They walked away more or less unscathed, but it sounded quite dramatic (high speed, car flipped, etc.).

They have some minor aches and pains but are otherwise physically fine. The strange thing is, they seem to be able to talk clinically about the crash without seeming stressed about it and seem quite laid back about the whole thing (although they have acknowledged that this was a risk to life type of crash).

They took a couple of days off work to recover but are now back at their job.

Is this a normal reaction?! I realise some people just have good coping skills, but they seem so fine about the whole thing - much more than I think I could have been.

Yes, I think that's fairly normal for someone with good coping skills.

They may find as time goes on they have feelings come to the fore that they need to process, or they may not.

Some people are very much, straight back on the horse, I'd probably need and want to get back in car quickly and just get back to normality.

Processing will likely happen quietly over time.

There’s every possibility they could be in shock but equally this might just be how they cope. This is how I would cope - eg I’m alive, nobody died, it’s just a car however my sister would be having hysterics!

Could be good coping skills, could be delayed shock where they’ve ’shut down’ for now. Time will tell.

probably very normal for them... trauma doesn't always have to affect us, some can take it with a pinch of salt (lucky them) and for others we dwell and overthink!

i do wonder why you are bothered by it?

They may process things very quickly or very slowly.

Some people cope better with things that happen to them and worse when friends or loved ones are involved.

Not bothered particularly (and glad they are doing well) - and I think it is probably right that they are just got at processing things and have processed them quickly - it's just strange to see somebody accept and start moving on from something like this so quickly (they mentioned being glad they hadn't died because they had left some important paperwork undone - valid but still strange to hear!).

I was in a similar crash a few years ago. Walked away whereas by all rights I should have been dead or extremely badly injured.

I was fine for a long time. Then it bothered me that I was possibly too fine. I still haven't really got my head around it. I probably never will.
I've decided it's not really something I should dwell on and just plan to go on living my life.

I suppose at one point I expected to have a big dramatic awakening, some sense of purpose that I was spared, that my life had meaning.

It didn't come, so I just go on as usual.

I am like this. Very much accept and move on. My family are like this too. My mum was in a car-flipping accident when I was 3 months old (I was on the back seat in my carry cot!). My dad survived an armed robbery hostage situation at his work in the 80s where he still has scars from the machete on his chest. My brother was attacked and stabbed by a taxi driver. They will talk calmly about these events, and even with humour.

My DH had an accident falling off a roof and it really rattled him for weeks. He was physically ok but afterwards was not mentally okay, he very much spiralled before recovering. His way of processing was to go over the "what ifs" until he had exorcised them. It was a dark time for him.

I think @Ivymedication nails it - there is no dramatic realisation afterwards, life really just does go on.

Everyone is different. However, your friend might be talking clinically about it and seem OK but be having horrible dreams about it, for example. They are just choosing not to tell you. Some people's way of coping is to work it out inside and not necessarily want to tell their friends their deep feelings about it.

Modern cars have a lot of safety features now that make it far more likely that you'll walk away. You'd be surprised how many people have flipped cars and come off unscathed. I have friends who have done it twice at high speed (neither time their fault but if they do it again, I'll be wondering!). It could be that your friend knows this and feels it to be less of a brush with death than you do.