Play dates or lack off …

[Hapideo]

Not sure this is the right thread … I am a very reserved person, not one of the popular school mums and rarely chat to any. I’m never at pick up or drop off so little interaction. I’ve made peace with that as not really looking for any friends.

But my DC is now in year 2 and they’ve not really had any playdates. They have been invited to class parties and had their own parties too. There have been a couple of play dates but that’s it. They have started to become aware that others in class (it’s a small class) are having play dates and realising they’re not invited. They are not upset as such but have mentioned it.

They do have friends in school, but now I’m feeling guilty that I’m the cause of them not getting asked on play dates. Do mums ask other kids based on how well they know or like the mum? Will this change as they get older and perhaps be based more on actual friendships of the kids. I don’t want my child to feel excluded or end up not having friends because of this.

Have you had any of DCs friends back to yours? That's the first step - then your child will be invited over to theirs!

Don't worry about possible rejection - ime the invitation will be warmly received!

Yes exactly- have you invited any kids to yours?

I’ve not had any friends over to mine yet, but did take one of their friends to a softplay. I think I do need to make more effort which I’m finding difficult.

It does feel a bit daunting - a bit like asking someone on a date! But the worst that happens is they say sorry not free or say they’ll come back to you and don’t. And then you ask someone else instead.

Do you have other parents’ numbers so you can ask by message rather than in person?

Yes this is true. I do have all the numbers as there is a class WhatsApp group.

My daughters just started year 3 and hasn’t had any play dates either she’s had some party invites but no play dates we are fine with that though I think mum’s only ask people they chat to and you probably need to invite someone first in order to be invited back (not something I intended to do)

You need to invite others to yours first really. If they don't invite back then complain away but you can't complain if you're not making the effort yourself.

IME it's not to do with how well mums like other mums necessarily, but the availability of play dates (if that makes sense)
I work and my mum does school pick up for me so I couldn't do play dates as readily as some of the other mums. I think once the cycle has started, they go to a lot more as people offer dates in return for one you've hosted.
A trip to soft play is as good as a play date at home to me, maybe try and do some more of these and your DD will hopefully get some invites back.
I found soft play etc easier too as there's less "entertaining" of the kids on your part.