Potty training possibly autistic child

[K37529]

ds is 3.5 years old and currently awaiting an autism assessment. Potty training has been a disaster, I’ve put it away now for a few weeks because he wasn’t getting it and was becoming distressed. I want to try again but wondering if I need to change my approach. I was putting him on the potty every 30 minutes, he won’t ask for the potty (I think he knows what it is for, he is verbal but it’s very difficult to know his level of understanding as he can’t really have a back and forward conversation, for example if I ask a question he just repeats what I say or he’ll talk about something completely different) he keeps holding pee, shouting he is done, then as soon as I put pants on him he pees himself. He also doesn’t seem to be aware when he has had an accident, he will just continue doing whatever he is doing, being wet doesn’t bother him. I spoke to the health visitor and she gave me picture instructions to show him but he’s not interested. Anyone potty trained an autistic child got any advice? Should I just go for it an persevere? I’m getting worried now as he’s 3.5

There is so many different things that help for different kids, some that I've seen help are,
If your child is rigid about routines, it may be easier in the long run to skip the potty and go straight to the toilet. Otherwise you have to reteach the skills to transfer it to the real toilet. Try with a kids toilet seat and a high footstool.

You could start doing nappy/pull up changes in the bathroom to try and build the accociation with the baththroom and where toilet stuff happens.

Announcing whenever you are going to the toilet, saying "I need a wee so I'm going to the toilet" etc and if your comfortable you could leave the door open while you are in there sometimes so you are modelling what to do. If your kid is interested in the symbols it sometimes helps if you use them yourself, like while saying you are going to the toilet you tap the toilet sign.

You could start by trying to note down how frequently your child wees. If you can see a pattern to when they go, that would be good times to aim for putting them on the toilet.
If they are not following a pattern, try for 20/30 minutes after a big drink as thats a common time frame.

If he isn't sitting long enough to get all of his wee out, he may need longer to relax. You could try something motivating while he is on the toilet like singing a silly song with him, letting him watch a short video or having some (wipeable) fiddle toys in there that he gets to use only when he is on the toilet.
You could try rewards for going to the toilet (even if he doesn't manage to wee on there) that build up positive associations with going. Always going to be specific to what your child likes e.g. stickers, tokens, a jellybean etc

If the process is upsetting him its okay to wait for a bit, it will be harder to train him if he has built up negative associations, the more fun and light and non stressful you can keep it, the easier it will be to keep him motivated and happy. This is hard especially when its frustrating but in the long run it can help. There is no timeframe for when this has to be done, you are doing really well and it can take years for some children with ASC to fully get toilet training.

The eric website has some good advice.

Have you looked at the Eric website? They have advice on potty training children with additional needs

It is also really common for kids to not notice their body telling them that they need to wee, especially when they are focussed on any other task.
If your child is amenable to timers you could try setting a set timer, with an alexa or a visual timer if you can get one (or put one up on your tv) that tells him when it is time to go to to the toilet.
Or trying to take him to the toilet before letting him start a task that you know usually engrosses him. This can potentially work as a motivator "toilet now. Water play next" etc.

My autistic son was a couple of months shy of his 4th birthday before we even attempted potty training and, to my huge surprise, he took to it within a few days. I remember it was the Easter weekend and the weather was nice so we had him out in the garden a lot with no underpants on.
He was not ready at all prior to that so I wonder OP, if you might want to hang on a few more months until he is nearer 4?

This all really good advice thank you

I’ve never heard of it but I will have a look thanks

I would delay potty training until he shows awareness of when he needs the toilet and also when hes been.
I think if you push it before hes developmentally ready, then youre making it much more stressful than it needs to be. He has to be able to understand the body signals and also what you want from him and why. I would leave it another few months and try and notice when hes showing awareness.