Struggling with DC starting reception - school drop-off

[thehouseonmystreet]

TLDR: Hoping for some supportive advice or reassurance on this. Please be gentle. I know I need to toughen up and just suck it up / get on with it and I am very hard on myself. I also know this is a rite of passage. So are there any mumsnetters who had difficult drop offs with their DC and got through it?

My son started school properly this week (first and will be only child). He was at nursery before. Drop offs have been awful and I have found it deeply upsetting (surprisingly so). This morning he was saying he didn't want to go in and then when we arrived he was crying and clinging to me. I remained calm (on the outside) and was trying to be strong because I know they say the quicker the goodbye the better, but it was awful and I can't bear him being prised off me and his fingers prised away from mine. I was trying to disentangle myself from him physically whilst reassuring him I'd be back later and he'd have a lovely day but he was utterly refusing to let go and grabbing on to me / my clothes / anything he could and crying.

His new school is lovely, the class teacher is lovely and he knows some of the children from nursery. The teaching assistant tells me he's had a lovely couple of days and done really well. He's bright and engaged. So I don't think there are major causes for concern or anything.

It's just so bloody hard and I walked away this morning and as soon as I got through the gate I was in absolute floods. The teaching assistant on the gate said "it's worse for you than for him" which is probably true.

I did look around at all the other children seemingly sitting on the carpet and fully ready to start their school day and wonder where we've gone wrong.

Can anyone offer any reassurance or advice to me? Will this get any easier? God I hope so.

DD has surprisingly difficult start last week, but she's already going in much better now. Hopefully it will get better soon. Try to remove any issues you can. If hanging around at the school gates is triggering, get there after they open, for example

Big unmumsnetty hug. My son went through this for about 2 weeks after the first half term and I can't talk about it now because it was just awful - nothing other than you have said here but I was traumatised by it. He doesn't remember.

I know he did struggled throughout the days for those weeks rather than was fine when I left, but suddenly it just ... stopped. I hope it happens for you.

Sorry, that's not helpful but whenever I hear anyone describe this I just want to hug them!

You've had loads of advice already for when the situation I refer to isn't relevant. So my advice is defer if he's summer born in which case he doesn't need to be put through this. If he isn't yet five but not summer born i'd send him part time and pick him up at lunch time every day for a while/pay someone else to collect him/share with grandparents or dad.

A bit confused about this advice. How could we pick him up at lunchtime? Surely he has to be in school? I know of no other children doing that. In any case we both work full time and there are no grandparents or other family.

@CocoPlum thank you for your kindness. I'm sorry you experienced that too x

@PlantDoctor @Koalityone weirdly he's actually better if he gets there early, and is one of the first. I think he likes the relative quiet and chance to help the teacher before everyone else arrives. We're going to try early arrivals now.

My mum used to teach and she still chuckles fondly thinking about one girl who cried without fail going into school every day of Reception and about half of Year 1. She was a really clever little girl, really popular, really friendly. Once she was in school she was fine. But going in she cried every day for a year and a half. She had an older sister and her mum was quite sensible and just handed her over with a cheery bye and left. She grew up to do very well academically, socially and physically - played a sport to National level. So crying going into school every day for a year and a half did her no damage in the long term!