School mum friend walking off with my child

[Fierywings]

I just need advice please.

Last week dd was stood right behind me while ds's teacher was speaking to me about something. Next thing I turn around and see my friend walking off with dd (taking her to her classroom) without saying anything to me. Today she did the same, while dd was stood by me! She said "come on let's go!"

I don't like it and I absolutely don't need her to take my child to her class. Friend obviously thinks shes being helpful but I am uncomfortable with this. How do I tell her not to do this without coming across rude?

She did the same on ds first day of school, she tried to walk him to his class even though I was right there. He has SN so he ended up getting irritated by her. It's getting a bit too much. If I say what I said on here, she will likely get defensive and say she was trying to help, and the way I am I don't like confrontations. I just want her to stop walking off with my child!

And to add I have also explained to dd that we must not walk off with anybody like that! But as she is familiar with this person she thinks it's okay to do that

I'd just make sure your daughter is next to you, maybe holding your hand so you can sort it quick. Does she think you need a lot of extra help?

Ooof it's tough because it definitely reads as she's trying to help! Maybe a quiet word to say you know she's trying to be helpful, but it throws out your routines for saying goodbye/any last minute reminders etc?

So today when she said "come on let's go!" You didn't respond to that?

Ages of DC would be helpful here

You sound weirdly possessive of walking your kid to class. Does it really matter so much? Perhaps she just thinks it's nice for your child and her child to walk in together.

Well it's obvs weird if the kid doesn't get to say bye to her mum. Not that I know that's what happened but if that's the case and she drags her off it's weird Af

God the UK school politics is mental, This is very usual for us. Why can't you run in after you have had a chat and give the child a kiss.
The mum is being helpful and trust me - it sounds like you will need her at some point.
Pick your battles- this is not one

Hold your child's hand and if she tries it again just thank her but explain you’ll take your child in yourself.

This would piss me off so much, you need time to say goodbye. Don’t worry about offending her, she’s overstepped. Take your daughters hand, tilt your head and raise your eyebrows at friend and say something jokey like ‘stop stealing my baby you freak’.

Don't do this.

Just say thank you but I will take her through in a minute.

If you don’t like confrontations, don’t make it confrontational. It’s not obligatory to be hostile when you talk to someone about what you prefer.

Just say something like “Really nice of you to help out X, but I like to take her myself so we can say goodbye properly.”

Dd is 4. She started Reception last week (staggered start) I understand she is being helpful but I do not like that she walks off with dd. That's just how I feel personally.

When she did it today, I had just finished talking to ds's teacher so was about to walk up anyway so we walked up together. I'm sure tomorrow she will do the same and it disrupts the routine. When dd walks past her class she now wants to run straight in even though ds's class opens first and i've explained we need to wait with ds before we go to her class

Thanks all for the advice and suggestions :) I will let her know I appreciate it but i'd like to take her myself so I can say bye properly

That's unacceptable when she's only just started reception! I would hold her hand tomorrow and tell her in front of your friend 'you need to wait for mummy' or something along those lines

@2Orangesandlemons thank you! I agree. That's a great idea

On the first day of school?? I don't think it's weird at all

It sounds like there’s no malice here, she’s just trying to help, but if you don’t like it, you don’t like it.
I don’t think you need to be confrontational, keep hold of your daughters hand tightly and if she tries to take her, just give a big smile and say “thanks but don’t worry, I’ll walk her round in a sec and give her a big kiss goodbye!” keep it light and breezy and friendly if you’re worried about offending her.
Alternatively, would it work to take your daughter to her class first, and then your son? May not make logistical sense, but just a thought!

It's not a confrontation it's just talking. When she says come in DD just say "oh I'll walk her up thank you" or if she still does it or does it again. After it happens just say "aw thanks for encouraging DD to walk in but from now on I'm going to walk her in because of XYZ"

hold your daughter's hand and if she says "come on lets go" just say "thanks but I've got this"

it is slightly bizarre to do this to someone else's 4 year old at the beginning of reception.

Stop talking to the teachers in the morning - problem solved.

(I really hate the parents that do this every bloody morning - your child is one of 30, email your 'issues' across and let the teacher get inside!)

I used to find loudly explaining to my child why were going to be ignoring the other adult worked quite well. For example " Stay with Mummy darling, I want to walk you around" or something.

What on earth is wrong with your friend? Trying to take your DS into his classroom on the first day of term and rob you of this moment is wrong. (Also does she not know him at all and realise he wouldn't like it?) Walking off with your DD without telling you, same, very wrong.
She sounds weird and would freak me out. Why does she think it's ok to behave like this?

Why are you making a big deal out of this? When she does it just say "that's fine I've got it".

Perhaps also explain to your friend that you are teaching your children to only go with the adult they are supposed to and expect to- so even when it's a (totally safe person they know like your friend) they need to stay with the nominated adult (ie you!).