Bi-lingual families - experience

[okayhescereal]

If you're raising your children bilingually, when did they start speaking the second language?

They understand the second language fluently as they hear it constantly from DH, but they reply in English. We visit the other country at least twice a year, we have friends locally who also speak that language to them, we exclusively watch television in that language too. So they have a lot of exposure to it. Just wondering if there's more we could be doing to encourage them to speak it of if this is about normal as they're still rather young (almost 6 and just turned 3).

My bilingual DDs could speak both languages by age 3/4 and understand both earlier.
I'm bilingual too and can't remember ever not being able to understand either language- but speaking the second language does come later.
If they're replying to your DH in English it's probably not because they don't know how to say it in his language but because it feels weird. Do you speak any of his language? Can you learn a bit so you all speak the second language at home sometimes? To make it feel more normal?
DH needs to speak it to them more not less too, eventually they'll be replying in his language.
My friend's DD is trilingual and spoke 2 languages at home, one with mum the other with Dad then English as a common language and in school

Depends on the child. I know a 15&16 year old who still only reply to their father in "their" language not his although he has always spoken to them in his language. My DD is the same with DH, my DS spoke both languages right from the start 🤷‍♀️ I've another friend with 3 DC and they all spoke both from the start too. I wouldn't worry too much if the answers they give him in English are correct and they obviously understand what he's saying.

They started speaking them both at the same time, at normal ages for speech development. First words came in both languages.

They spoke a jumble of both languages with us for a few years and slowly grew out of it (mostly) though they were much quicker to speak just one language to people they perceived as monolingual.

I would advise your DH to engineer situations where they NEED to use the language to communicate. Otherwise it's pretty common that children don't bother. If he always responds quickly and appropriately when they speak to him in English, they know they don't need to use his language.

My eldest DS was quite resistant to speaking DH language at first, only wanted to speak English. He’s 7 now and understands and happily speaks both languages because DHs parents can‘t speak English so after several trips to the PILs, he just went with it and adapted (thanks to PILs). So, I agree with PP on engineering situations where DC have to speak other language. Books and TV/ YouTube also helped. Have you got some family/friends to have calls with and speak only the other language?

Thanks for this, it's really helpful!

I have felt it's time for DH to be a bit more pushy about the kids not responding to him in English but he thinks they're still too young so these examples have been helpful. I've tried introducing that we play board games not in English and also when speaking about the food/meal during mealtimes, but it's all coming from me and my abilities are very limited. Sadly chose the wrong second language at school!! I try a lot but I make many many mistakes which then means DH is just correcting me rather than actually conversing and he gets a bit exasperated. Tried apps and things (for me) but again this is improving my understanding rather than speech.

Just wanted an idea of expectations, so this was great!

If they're old enough to speak one language, they're old enough to speak two and it will only get harder to establish skills the longer it takes them to start. They'll always have those passive understanding skills to build on so it won't ever be 'too late' to learn, though for some it can become too late to achieve full native-level fluency.

The thing is, young children don't understand or value the educational/intellectual/cultural benefits of multilingualism.

Language is a tool. If you can communicate effectively in all areas of your life, your language skills are serving you perfectly. So why would you bother developing them in a different language? It's hard work and no reward.

They make it look easy to us, but children aren't 'sponges', they don't just effortlessly pick up languages, it's really hard work!

Children so often take the path of least resistance with languages. So they've learnt to understand the language because they had to. The passive skills are there. But they've had no reason to work on their active skills. You just need to think of how you can give them good reasons to do so! Reasons that make sense for a child, e.g. if I don't speak French, I can't talk to Granny. Not: I should learn to speak French because it is part of my heritage and will look good on my CV.

I used to work abroad with young kids, many of whom were bilingual (or even trilingual!) but one thing I really noticed, was that having to use the language to speak to someone, and being able to listen to grown ups they knew have conversations in the language seemed really important for them to actually speak the language. There were often times where a child would understand a language, and a parent would express frustration that their child would not speak it, but they would be the only one in the household who spoke that language.

Then something like granny would come to stay, and granny speaks only German, no English or Chinese, and suddenly the child would start using at least words, but not speaking fluently. Fluency in multiple languages seemed to need exposure to other people speaking it to each other, not just at them. And a need to actually use it.

This environment can be difficult to create, to be honest.

My kids are bilingual but their written work has always been stronger than their speech. It's only this year that they've randomly started speaking to me/each other in the 2nd language. I also notice them play acting in the 2nd language now when they are playing with their toys. They are 8 and 9.