I just want to SCREAM

[Bigmouse09]

Friend asking me to help her out with something (can't say what as outting). Its on the same day as I've just organised a new PT. I could change PTs but that's on a different day in a further location. I don't fancy doing 1 day with the PT I have booked (pay as you go) to then leave to go to the other PT on a different day further away the following week, which is the week I would need to start the favour for my friend. Also, the favour (which is a weekly thing and not a one off) would mean I would to have to rearrange my set up at home (in terms of arrangements at home, not furniture).

AIB selfish ?

sorry Mary, I've already got plans that I can't change

No, you're not being selfish. If it was a one- off then maybe you could do it. But not when it's inconveniencing you on a regular basis.

You're not selfish, but not sure why it's a reason to scream?!?!

@ASpritzOfMyFavouritePerfume Because I feel guilty that I'm doing my own thing/arrangements. But I do so much for other people, always to my detriment. The ONE day I arrange something and I then get asked to do a favour on that very same day. I just know my plans will go out the Window. I never get to do what I want.

Well you can do what you want if you change the habit of a lifetime and tell your friend that you're not available.

Well you woujld if you said, I can do any time except Thursdays 6-7 as I have apponitments at those times each week

Friend can perhaps rearrange things so you can still do the favour or she can ask someone else to do the favour who is free at that time

I just feel bad that she needs a favour but I'm like 'sorry, I'm pissing off to a PT that day and can't help'. Feel selfish

You never get to do what you want because you don't hold your own boundaries.

It's completely your choice whether you govern up your own needs for other people.

Bed to recognise it and own the decision rather than feeling conflicted and resentful.

Meant to read 'give up your own needs'...

I find saying "ahh, I can't, sorry, it clashes with [whatever regular appointment]" works.

There's no way of getting round feeling guilty I'm afraid unless you change all your plans just to accommodate her (and then you'll end up resenting her).

You don't need to say why. "Sorry I've already got a regular commitment on those days"

Feel bad, feel guilty, feel selfish - and prioritise doing the thing you set up for yourself anyway.

Alternatively, give it up and roll over and be a good doormat!

It's not selfish to have your own plans.

thanks @thebluemask I needed to hear this.

I have wanted to sort a PT for a while now. I could never do it before because the only space the PT had was on a day/time I see my sister (we go out once a week for lunch, its the only day she can make in the week). Now this new day/time has become available with the PT, so I jumped at the chance and booked the first session and paid for it .. only for my friend to then ask me to help her out. Just bloody typical.

I have been a doormat to other people for years. I don't do confrontation or awkwardness. I have given up my plans for others, tip-toed around others when I have been asked to do a favour but it would put someone else outa bit/give the the hump, put myself out, been mocked (light heartedly but with some element of ''are you really going to actually do that'') by my partner for being a doormat to others and their requests, waited around for hours on end for a friend to confirm what time they are good to meet that day and quite frankly I am at the end of my tether.

Tie a knot in the end of your tether, then climb back up it bit by bit, establishing boundaries for yourself as you go. Start with your friend by saying 'No, I can't do that day, I'm busy'. Try not to say sorry, it opens the door to her asking you to help her another day. Good luck!