I think I’ve been ghosted

[MessyNDepressy]

Matched with a guy on Tinder that I know in real life. Been chatting everyday for a couple of weeks. Went on a date last week, all went well. Second date arranged for Thursday, he had to cancel because he was unwell, no problem, said I hoped he felt better soon. Heard nothing since. I sent another text today, just checking in, no response 🫠. I’ve been ghosted, haven’t I? This has never happened to me before 😂. I really didn’t expect it from him, he was so keen and I’ve always thought he was a decent guy. God knows why he couldn’t just say he wasn’t feeling it or something.

Yes it sounds like it OP.

I'd just block him now and move on.

Goodness knows why so many MNetters are big fans of ghosting, I think it's horrible not to give someone a reason.

Well I've just had Norovirus which is doing the rounds. It was grim! Maybe he is just unwell. Definitely don't message again. If you don't hear from him - then you know who he really is, and wouldn't want someone flaky anyway! People can be disappointing 😞

There was a week between the first and second date during which he was basically texting me all day everyday. Then he asked for and arranged the second date 😂! Not that I’m disagreeing with you, you’re obviously right, I just find it bizarre.

Just don't text and see what happens

i wouldn't block as it is possible he's unwell or somethings come up

Well, no! Sprouting a pair of bollocks and just being honest is far less mean than treating a person as though they are absolutely nothing.

I mean 'I'm really sorry but I'm just not 'feeling it, hope you find what you're looking for', is really easy to type (took me about 8 seconds tops) and a lot less mean than being a twat!

I’m petty, I’d orchestrate a time where I’d see him as you already know him and just look absolutely fabulous and if he tried to talk and apologise - I’d be like “are you sure you didn’t get back me? I thought you had, nevermind”

But ultimately man don’t like confrontation, they would rather ghost and ignore the issue than actually say anything.

Im not against ghosting, whats the alternative? Just saying Im sorry we're not compatible is pretty mean.

Of course it's not mean.

It's communicating like an adult, rather than leaving someone possibly tying themselves up in knots, wondering if they did or said something wrong.

But ultimately man don’t like confrontation, they would rather ghost and ignore the issue than actually say anything.

Looking at Mumsnet, this sort of cowardice is really not just a man thing.

If adults aren't mature enough to tell someone they don't want to see them again, they're not mature enough to be dating in the first place IMO.

Most men on tinder are strange and dickish tbh x

Well most grown ups would say something along the lines of 'I don't feel there's an attraction there' and leave it at that.

Which would be 100% true.

And again, much better than leaving them hanging and thinking they may have done something wrong.

Fucking with people's heads is never nice, especially when it's being done because someone's too cowardly to simply say they don't feel an attraction.

Well that’s my experience and the experience of the majority of my friends.

It’s a well known thing.

I don't doubt it, there are a lot of spineless men and women around.

I can sort of see why it happens...poor communication on the ghoster's part.

However he said he's been ill and people generally just want to be ill in peace, so don't text. He may submerge from the man flu or whatever it is!

Thought I would update this as after ghosting me back in September this guy messaged me again yesterday. A long, very well written message apologizing for ghosting me and not treating me the way I deserve to be treated etc. I just replied thanking him for his apology and wished him well but told him that I wasn’t interested in getting to know him any longer 👋.

Well done! Did he give a reason for going AWOL for six weeks?!

Good for you OP. Ghosting is pretty rotten. There are decent ways of being honest.