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Preschool disaster, WWYD?

13 replies

NewMomma21 · 14/09/2024 17:38

Hi everyone,

Looking for advice. DS is 2y10m. He began preschool having successfully done a two week summer camp. In the second week he became upset and the school called me to come get him after an hour. He went in the next day and was again unsettled so I was called after 30mins. He subsequently became ill and was absent for almost a week with a pretty bad cold/sinus infection.

When I emailed in relation to his return the school informed me that they have reduced his time to 30mins a day until he is better settled. On the second day of this arrangement they called after 25 mins. They said this will continue until he improves.

Throughout this I have expressed my reservations- that 25/30 mins is not long enough for a child to settle and I feel that he is learning that crying results in his desired outcome- being sent home to mummy. They have steadfastly refused to take on board my concerns about this arrangement. I feel they have washed their hands of DS and communication has been very poor.

DS has become upset and withdrawn and extraordinarily clingy. He is saying he is not going to any school. He is usually a very happy, content boy. He plays well with his friend group on our road.

A preschool much closer to home have offered him a place.

In this scenario would you give him a fresh start or try stick out the current one?

OP posts:
FuzzyDiva · 14/09/2024 17:42

A preschool much closer to home have offered him a place.

I would go and visit this place and see what you think of it.

Sirzy · 14/09/2024 17:43

I would talk to the other pre school with a view to moving him.

comedycentral · 14/09/2024 17:44

I'd probably cut my losses and go with the other preschool, closer to home and might be more experienced in settling in preschoolers.

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mindutopia · 14/09/2024 17:45

I would pull him out. They should be properly staffed and confident enough to support him to settle in. I’ve put two dc through nursery from 9 months to school age and I’ve never been called to collect them just because they were upset. The staff were experienced and caring and they supported them to settle. 30 minutes a day is just reinforcing that crying means no one comforts you and you get to go home, which I don’t think will ever achieve him being calm and settled in what’s a new environment. More than that though, they just sound rubbish and inexperienced.

FeedingThem · 14/09/2024 17:49

Closer to home so easier.
Fresh start.
Hopefully better staff.

What state is he in when you arrive? How are they trying to comfort him? I've seen nursery staff do morning hangovers with a crying child on their hip save putting them down to cry. Or run a session with a sad child on their knee etc. are they actually trying or just leaving him to settle alone?

NewMomma21 · 14/09/2024 17:53

Thanks all for the kind advice.

I had more or less decided on the new setting. We drove by today and said wow DS look at this lovely school close to mummy’s job and our house. We talked about going and he saying he’s not going to school and becomes upset.

I am absolutely devastated DS feels so negatively about school and have no idea how to turn this perception of school around. I fear we will go to the new school and he will become hysterical and not go in. Has anyone any advice in relation to managing this?

thanks again

OP posts:
NewMomma21 · 14/09/2024 17:55

FeedingThem · 14/09/2024 17:49

Closer to home so easier.
Fresh start.
Hopefully better staff.

What state is he in when you arrive? How are they trying to comfort him? I've seen nursery staff do morning hangovers with a crying child on their hip save putting them down to cry. Or run a session with a sad child on their knee etc. are they actually trying or just leaving him to settle alone?

I was upset to hear he was out in their outside space just walking around alone on the last day there. I do not get the impression much effort to comfort that is rooted in kindness or compassion has been been forthcoming to DS.

OP posts:
KatieKat88 · 14/09/2024 18:05

Maybe call it something other than school to differentiate between the two places in his mind? Will also help when transitioning to primary school. Definitely sounds like the best decision to move him, the first place doesn't sound great at settling them!

kittensinthekitchen · 14/09/2024 18:09

KatieKat88 · 14/09/2024 18:05

Maybe call it something other than school to differentiate between the two places in his mind? Will also help when transitioning to primary school. Definitely sounds like the best decision to move him, the first place doesn't sound great at settling them!

I was going to say this. Stop calling it school. He's two, anyway, it's isn't school!

Call it a club, or a group, or "to see your friends"; see if that gets a different response.

NewMomma21 · 14/09/2024 18:15

kittensinthekitchen · 14/09/2024 18:09

I was going to say this. Stop calling it school. He's two, anyway, it's isn't school!

Call it a club, or a group, or "to see your friends"; see if that gets a different response.

I’m in the Republic of Ireland where it is actually school. Children here can attend playschool from 2y8m and it is commonly referred to as such.

The new setting is Montessori so I will take on board the advice and start calling it this

OP posts:
Charmatt · 14/09/2024 18:25

Some tips that may help:

Don't carry him in - always walk get him to walk in. This makes separation easier.

Get him to carry his own things in - his sandwich box, bag, coat etc and get him to lead putting them in the right place - don't do it for him.

He needs to own the space so letting him do those things is a positive action in owning it.

Don't make a big fuss on leaving, just a quick kiss and a cheery goodbye. Make leaving swift. The more drawn out it is, the better.

You should not make a big deal of being separated from him for a while. Also consider other activities he could do that involve being separated from you for a while. This should help him make the transition to coping without you.

PlantDoctor · 14/09/2024 18:29

He is definitely learning that mummy comes back if he cries. Preschool needs to work with you on that.

NewMomma21 · 14/09/2024 18:40

Charmatt · 14/09/2024 18:25

Some tips that may help:

Don't carry him in - always walk get him to walk in. This makes separation easier.

Get him to carry his own things in - his sandwich box, bag, coat etc and get him to lead putting them in the right place - don't do it for him.

He needs to own the space so letting him do those things is a positive action in owning it.

Don't make a big fuss on leaving, just a quick kiss and a cheery goodbye. Make leaving swift. The more drawn out it is, the better.

You should not make a big deal of being separated from him for a while. Also consider other activities he could do that involve being separated from you for a while. This should help him make the transition to coping without you.

Really helpful advice, thank you so much!

OP posts:
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