Slight moan - having to remind partner to book things

[CallyT]

I seem to always end up planning our holidays in my relationship. I'm good at it and we always have a wonderful time.

So it's my birthday soon and I've booked tickets of a show. We agreed to both look for a hotel and he said 'i'll look tomorrow'. Next morning he sort of resends that message on the chat between us saying 'im putting this here now so I don't forget to do it later'

Surprise surprise, he hasn't looked at anything 3 days later. I know it will be down to me again this weekend.

He's usually very good at making dinner reservations etc and I know he's been working hard. Is it too much to ask that he reminds himself and keeps to it?

Anyone?

He was going to do it on Wednesday then I heard nothing.

Today I asked him to look at some places and he said 'i'll try to look over the weekend. Did you send the address of the theatre we need to stay near'? Yes I sent it on Monday!

It's so fecking annoying. I understand he is busy with work but it seems all left to me and he can't just do what he'll say.

What does he use to keep track of things at work? Whatever approach or software he uses, he needs to use that for home life too, presumably, he doesn't have someone prompting him at work every couple of days to remember things.

I'm not sure @Quiol good question

I'm starting to feel resentful as he gets everything done at work but can't just look for a bloody hotel for 15 mins?

It's a city where the prices keep going up the longer we wait. Also this is for birthday, it'd be nice to think he was arsed.

I’d go without him.

honestly as cheesecakecookie says, I'd be tempted to book a lovely weekend for yourself then, its your birthday, you're having to deal with it and he's going to benefit, its not fair! If he's capable of doing it at work and having systems in place, he can do it at home, he just isn't putting the effort in.

Well @Quiol @Cheesecakecookie I've already booked the tickets to go for x2 and id rather not go by myself...

I know he has a lot on his plate at the moment and under a lot if pressure. In trying to be understanding. But I've sent him places which he could've said yes to. Instead he keeps saying he'll get round to it.

I think I'll book a room that is 'free cancellation' on booking.com for now so at least something affordable is booked.

I have int he last booked and paid for a birthday weekend away.

Just because I knew DH wouldn't.

He does most of the other holiday bookings.

Still had a nice time even though I paid!

Do you carry the mental load in other areas of your lives? Do you have children? If you're planning on kids and things continue like this you will end up being the default planner for everyone.

Then take a friend ?

@Bucket07 we don't have children yet.

He was actually a great planner earlier in the relationship. Booked most dinner reservations etc so I didn't have to think about it.

Things have felt more one sided recently.

So he's stopped making an effort?
I would book as you said but say nothing until the free cancellation date looms.
Then ask him does the hotel have a restaurant and bar. See what he says.

My partner is the same
I pick holidays /hotels every year because he puts it off and puts it off and after months asks me to do it

I hate booking stuff, so me and my partner sit down with phones and book all the stuff (flights, hotels, etc) together. It’s pretty quick, she appreciates my involvement and it stops this issue.

What happens if you just don’t? Yes it wastes money this time but if you step in and fix it each time he doesn’t get the message

He doesn't want to prioritise this. Go ahead and book if you want but then all that will show is you'll be the one to continue to book things.
Don't do it. Leave him to it. He might just be a last minute person and prioritise it when he needs to.
You should be able to trust him to do it.

@DadJoke we did a few months ago when id had enough of waiting months to book. We booked there and then on the spot

But other times like now he is away for work for a few weeks so we're not in one place.

Yes @GalaticalFarce I think he is last minute.

The other thing is we aren't married yet, just partners with separate bank accounts. He earns more than me so it probably isn't as much of an issue for him if he needs to pay a bit extra due to last minute planning, but it matters to me.

I'm not skint by any stretch but I want to get the best deal and have it as one less thing to think about in my busy life.

I simply wouldn’t get away with this shit. My partner would justifiably crucify me.

If we are apart I will suggest three hotels, then she will get excited and probably book another one. She is just happy that I’ve actually put the effort in.

@DadJoke I think this is a fair compromise.

He's prioritising work fairly and it's a very busy period. But he needs to take time to look at some options. This is a trip for US to enjoy because work is so full on and this is our quality time together.

I'm also working my ass off and I've been ill. There's no excuse.

Tell him this. He's not to know if you don't communicate it.