Fell asleep holding newborn

[Newbaby24]

this Morning I woke up holding my 4 day old baby. My partner was awake and watching while helping support the baby. He said he had woken up to me asleep with baby in my arms. He said after 3 days of no sleep due to birth and how exhausted I was instead of waking me he sat up for 3 hours and watched both of us while putting his arm around me and baby to make sure we where safe as he wanted me to get some sleep. We have a shift pattern with baby and it’s working perfectly every other night. I feel so awful about falling asleep and I’ve cried all morning over it how do I stop it happening again. I can’t even remember picking baby up. I normally go next door to feed with the lamp on to keep me awake so no idea how it happened. I’m feeling so guilty as soon as my partner left for work I had a melt down over it.

Look up the Lullaby Trust's co-sleeping guidance and if you're feeling at all tired, make sure you're in a safe position if you do fall asleep. A lot of women are so scared of cosleeping that they end up choosing a much unsafer method, like sitting upright or on a sofa, and then inadvertently falling asleep, which is far more dangerous. When you're on your own and worried you might fall asleep, get yourself and baby into a safe cosleeping position just in case.

Op please don’t be so hard on yourself. Baby is safe and you are only 4 days into this. You were obviously exhausted and you will only get less tired as time goes on.

I agree with this.

Far better to co sleep safely if there's a chance you'll fall asleep holding her.

Your partner is amazing! What a lovely thing to do! I doubt there are many mums who have not fallen asleep holding a baby so don't beat yourself up. Just check out the safest way to do this as others have said.

I think a lot of mums of newborns have nodded off but the first post gives great advice.

If you're really worried, tell you DP to take the baby next time and settle it down while you sleep.

Follow safe sleep remove husband the pillows duvets and blankets feed in bed sitting up. If you do fall asleep baby won't be injured if she falls on the bed. A midwife told me this was safer than feeding in a chair. I've had two difficult babies and fell asleep feeding on a few occasions.

If you are bottle feeding you may want to try split shifts my husband did 8pm till 12pm and then I took over for the night shift. Meant I got a few hours of sleep.

Good luck OP the safe sleep project is amazing but I do think it puts to much pressure on new mums.

I agree, do all your feeds if BF in a safe co sleeping environment so if you do fall asleep baby is safe, buy an owlet sock too if you can afford it. Be kind to yourself, we’ve all done it xx

Congratulations on your new baby! I remember those early weeks being so exhausted and nearly dropping off to sleep while holding my DS, sitting on the side of the bed, as he kept waking when I would transition him to the next to me crib. Please be kind to yourself, it’s a very challenging time, especially with the lack of sleep.

People have been scared into thinking that co-sleeping is unsafe and then these things happen as parents are so sleep deprived, they accidentally fall asleep in a sleep space that hasn’t been prepared or made safe for bed sharing.

Second looking up the Lullaby Trusts advice around safe co-sleeping and highly recommend looking up happycosleeper on Instagram, she has a lot of information on this topic that can help.x

Day 3/4 is peak hormone time too, so go easy on yourself xx

I would read more about safe co-sleeping and how Japan has far lower infant deaths than the UK and US. There are also studies into safe co-sleeping from Notre Dame university in the US that you can read about.

What a lovely thing for your DP to do. Think about that and be happy - it really isn't the end of the world. Congratulations on your baby!

Don't feel pressured to co sleep. It is a choice we all take individually and I was never happy with the risk it presented (I have read the research from both angles). People can get a bit forceful with pushing it on you. If you want to then fab - but you do you.

This happened to me more than once when I breastfed at night and I also got pretty distressed about it. I was doing all sorts of crazy things to prevent it from happening such as sitting on hairbrushes and spraying water into my face but this did not stop me falling asleep.

I would echo what others have said. The best advice I got was to make sure I was slightly reclined, so in the event I fell asleep while feeding I would not slouch over onto the baby.

All the best.

@OrlandointheWilderness It's not about choosing or being pressured to cosleep or not. It's about making sure you're in a safe environment if you accidentally fall asleep. The cosleeping guidelines show how to position yourself and baby safely. If you're at risk of falling asleep while feeding or holding your baby, you should get yourself in that position, whether you want to cosleep or not, to avoid falling asleep with your baby on your chest or in your arms.

You've been in tears today due to the baby blues, which always hit at 3 - 4 days.
You're also exhausted.

I promise it gets better.

When we were in hospital with DD1 after she'd been born, my husband was holding her while we spoke to the midwife. Suddenly the midwife let out a noise and grabbed her from DH's arms. She'd gone grey, because the angle he'd been holding her at had slightly constricted her airflow as her head was lolling slightly and he hadn't noticed as we were talking. As well as scaring the shit out of us both, it made me realise how absolutely dangerous it can be falling asleep with a newborn with no head control in your arms. We were awake and it happened right in front of us, if she had been in the arms of one of us while we slept, I dread to think what could have happened.

I don't want to scare anyone, but some people are so averse to cosleeping or any suggestion they should at least make sure they are in a safe cosleeping position, and will then fall asleep sitting upright with a baby on their chest or in their arms, which is so much more dangerous. You don't need to embrace cosleeping or do it full time or even want to do it all, but if you're at any risk of falling asleep with a newborn baby in your arms, then you need to make sure you are always in an safe position in case it happens.

@doodleschnoodle yes I agree with you - being in a safe position is a good idea, I didn't say it wasn't.