What's the best answer to this manipulative question repeatedly sent via text?

[lovenotwar149]

I keep receiving this question (s) from someone who I have distanced myself from. They know why I have distanced myself , a conversation (more than one in fact) was had about it. They shouted me down so I didn't raise it again.
Now there is 'some' communication and occasional meet ups. Every so ften they send a msg saying....'do u miss me?' or 'do you love me?'
I know its manipulative. What she best answer people?

Not any more

I'm guessing this is a parent?

Personally I would ignore those sorts of texts and not send any reply.

Is there a reason you need to keep in touch with the person at all? Because the obvious thing to do is block messages from the number, but I assume you would have done that if you could. So if for some reason you can’t or don’t want to just block, you could ignore them or get a cheap phone and say you’ve changed your number and then put it in a drawer.

I wouldn’t even respond to those questions. Depending on your reason for distancing yourself I’d think about reducing contact even further, maybe even no contact.

I think your silence would speak volumes.

Oooft that is a potent question.

I'd probably ignore it. There's no response that isn't feeding into it.

If you have to respond, make it a blunt statement of what you are doing.

"Do you miss me?"
"At work."

"Do you love me?"
"Making dinner right now."

"Do you miss me?"
"Out with friends atm."

"Do you love me?"
"Driving."

Lets this person know that you haven't got time to entertain their needs.

Do not reply to it. Comment only on other messages which are not manipulative, if you feel you can't block them. Ignore. It's either incredibly needy and/or incredibly manipulative

Don't reply. The only sensible response to blatant manipulation is a non-response.

Well I would answer. I'd simply reply "no".

Ignore it

No

Would depend on who it was and my reason for distancing myself.

I would probably tell them to stop asking questions like that and that they are putting unecessary pressure on you whilst trying to slowly rebuild things. Just tell them that it will have the opposite effect.

ok thank u. Yes my gut tells me to completely block but, for certain reasons, I dont feel I can completely block them, not atm anyway. This person fluctuates between neediness and then manipulation. Since distancing, the pattern is actually so easy to spot now, its become predictable. These 'do u miss me/love me' msgs typically are sent in the middle of the night too.

Block them. No need to answer. Any reply is attention to them

I would gnore / block. Who is sending them? Your time is your own and you don't need to engage with anyone you don't want to.

Block

I would also reply “no” every single time.

Thank you for replies ,appreciated :)

If it's a close family member (parent, child, sibling) I'd send a clear and full message saying you love them but it's complex and you don't want them in your life regularly, please respect that, maybe we can try again in xyz circumstances but you need to respect my wishes right now, we'll be in contact xyz amount.

If it's more distant, say you don't want them in your life, you'll be courteous if you see them at events but that's it.

Give them nothing on text that they could share or misrepresent to others to smear you. Dont hand them the bullets to shoot you with.

Ignore.
Grey rock.
Information diet.
Detach emotionally.
Distance.
Dignity.
Slow fade / arms length

Smirke

Dont hand them the bullets to shoot you with.

Noted! Thank you...useful.

Thats basically any reaction, look or any words that you say - as they will be twisted and fired back at you.

Blank, silent, emotional indifference is the only way through.
They will eventually get bored and leave you alone if they get no response - which is fuel for them.