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Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this ?

25 replies

monopppoly · 13/09/2024 07:00

Me and my partner live together and have done for 3 years (both female )
She's just started a new job and came home last night saying "oh Saturday we are going for drinks with Louise (her manager )
So I asked why
She replied she invited us both for a couple of drinks.

Now I don't know Louise
Never met Louise
I have no interest in going
I told my partner this (in a nice way ) and said why don't you just go and a few drinks and il have a lazy day like I had planned.

She said no she invited you and it will be fun.

Now I can't help but think my partner wants me to go so she doesn't feel uncomfortable.
She's never socialised outside of work with her before etc.
Next week is Louise's sons party 21st party ....and she's invited the full team
I also don't want to go to that.

Am I being a bit mean here ?

OP posts:

Guavafish1 · 13/09/2024 07:06

Just go to the first one… the decline the next few … then go to another one after a time etc.

i do that with my partner….although I don’t want go…

LadyMinerva · 13/09/2024 07:09

Perhaps your partner feels it's important for their job and wants your support? Sometimes we need to make compromises. That's a relationship.

fortheveryfirsttime · 13/09/2024 07:13

I'd be annoyed at being told I was going instead of asked if I was free/wanted to go. That's about it really, I'd go to support my partner. Hopefully after the first drinks she won't need you there again if you don't want to go.

Paisleydad · 13/09/2024 07:13

You are being a bit mean. The woman you have committed to wants your support. You need to bite the bullet.

(I feel your pain though).

Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 13/09/2024 07:13

I would go for the drinks and see how you feel after. Make an effort for your partner and if Louise isn’t your cup of tea then you don’t need to go out of your way, maybe unless a work couples thing comes up

I’m very much like you, “I don’t know her, why would I choose that over being at home?” My partner is a social slag so sometimes if it really matters to him I’ll join

You could end up having a really good time, if not you’ve made an effort for your partner, win win

HoppingPavlova · 13/09/2024 07:13

I would freeze in hell before I went to a work event with DH, and he for me. Absolutely not necessary, no matter what people may say.

I would stay home and paint my nails, drinking wine in the comfort of my own home and DH could get a lift with a (adult) kid or get a cab.

Procrastinates · 13/09/2024 07:17

I wouldn't like being told I had to go.

I would go to support her if asked but presenting it as not optional would annoy me. Drinks with your partners new boss is not the only way to support her in her new job and I suspect if the roles were reversed everyone else would be saying it was unnecessary.

SallyWD · 13/09/2024 07:19

I'd go to the first to be friendly but not to any others.

Slimeblimeclimb · 13/09/2024 07:21

I think it is for to support each other. Your don't know Louise but you won't get to know her is you just say no to everything. Some great friendships for our whole family started as colleagues we went to drinks to once. Others were a 1 yes and 3 no type of responses after the first time. And it's ok. But you have to try.

Original poster

monopppoly · 13/09/2024 07:23

I will go to the drinks but I will make my excuses for her sons birthday
Hanging around with a room full of 21year olds isn't my ideal Saturday choice.
My partner will be moody tho if I don't go

OP posts:

Whothefuckdoesthat · 13/09/2024 07:47

monopppoly · 13/09/2024 07:23

I will go to the drinks but I will make my excuses for her sons birthday
Hanging around with a room full of 21year olds isn't my ideal Saturday choice.
My partner will be moody tho if I don't go

It sounds like quite a sociable sort of team and maybe she just needs you with her, not to create a good impression with her boss, but to give her a bit of support while she builds her confidence and puts herself out there with her new colleagues. It’s always easier to be brave when you know you’ve got someone who loves you, sitting right next to you.

I’m glad you’re going to the drinks and if my DH asked me to go to a similar party with them, I’d say yes. I agree, spending an evening with a load of 21 year olds sounds bloody awful, but you’ll probably be with her colleagues rather than chatting to the younger guests. And if it helps her with her confidence, then I’d put a big smile on my face and pretend I’m having fun, simply because if you can’t do something nice for your partner every now and again, even if you’d rather be anywhere else on earth, then that’s quite selfish. You’re supposed to do nice things for the person you love, even if it’s not fun for you, and especially when you suspect it’s because they want your support, rather than they just want to drag you along to create a good impression.

Tell her in advance that you’ll be declining the next one, so she can say straight away that you’ll be working or already have plans.

Slimeblimeclimb · 13/09/2024 07:57

Think this is sensible... Go to drinks but not the bday party. If your partner will be moody though have a think about moods/coercive control (not just based on this but look wider if you are doing things you don't want to due to moods/not being spoken to etc)

pictoosh · 13/09/2024 08:03

Yanbu. You don't have to go to your partner's work socials. No one does.

Bomblesofbimbledon · 13/09/2024 08:09

monopppoly · 13/09/2024 07:23

I will go to the drinks but I will make my excuses for her sons birthday
Hanging around with a room full of 21year olds isn't my ideal Saturday choice.
My partner will be moody tho if I don't go

Totally fucking weird that your partner thinks this is a normal thing to go along to. A colleague of the boss's son at the son's 21st. What the fuck?

Like PP, hell would freeze over before I'd attend any works do with my husband and vice versa.

Also- being told you're going? Fuck that thrice.

fizzymizzy · 13/09/2024 08:12

I can't believe people are suggesting you are in the wrong here. I think it's because your partner is female because if you had said your DH spoke to you that way and would be 'huffy' if you didn't do as instructed they would all be saying LTB

Towerofsong · 13/09/2024 08:24

I would go to the Saturday drinks to show support and show willing.

But I would also strongly object to having been 'informed' that I was going.

The birthday thing is weird....does the son even want a bunch of strangers who work for his mum at his birthday?!

New boss sounds a bit Queen Bee.

Your partner shouldn't be sulking when she doesn't get her own way.

Towerofsong · 13/09/2024 08:27

Oh, and if there are other invitations beyond the party your partner probably should manage expectations otherwise she will be expected to work for her boss all week and then socialise with her at weekends.

That can lead to a very messy work-life balance and having her social life run by her boss and having to go along with it so her job stays bearable. I may be projecting there because I hate any form of feeling controlled!

EternallyDelighted · 13/09/2024 08:35

I don’t think either of you are wrong, you just like doing different things. I would always check with DH before accepting an invitation like this, if it’s tomorrow and I know perfectly well we aren’t doing anything I’d accept saying I’ll confirm when I’ve spoken to him. But we have always got on with each others friends and colleagues, both like meeting new people and will tend to go out rather than stay in given the opportunity, it sounds as though you are not like that and your partner possibly is, so she needs to take your feelinngs into account. But if it is the custom at their workplace for partners to socialise too it might be that she needs your support.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 13/09/2024 08:51

fizzymizzy · 13/09/2024 08:12

Edited

Who has suggested she’s in the wrong for not wanting to go? I don’t blame her for not wanting to go at all. It sounds bloody awful. But the point being made is that sometimes it’s good to put yourself out for someone you love, especially if you think it’s to help boost their confidence.

And sex of the other person makes no difference at all.

fizzymizzy · 13/09/2024 09:38

Who has suggested she’s in the wrong for not wanting to go?

Nobody as far as I am aware

WeirdyWorldy · 13/09/2024 10:13

Blimey I know it's not the point of the thread but who feels sorry for the 21 year old son?

A bunch of randomers and their partners from their mum's work invited to his party!!! Sounds like hell!!!

Thrilley · 13/09/2024 10:16

I'd go to support DH if he asked me to, and I think he'd do it for me. I wouldn't want it to become a regular thing, but I'd do it while it's a new job.

Procrastinates · 13/09/2024 10:28

WeirdyWorldy · 13/09/2024 10:13

Blimey I know it's not the point of the thread but who feels sorry for the 21 year old son?

A bunch of randomers and their partners from their mum's work invited to his party!!! Sounds like hell!!!

It's very weird! Why would he want his mum's work colleagues there? I doubt he even wants his parents at the party to be honest.

beanii · 18/09/2024 18:18

I too don't like things like this BUT I'd go to support my husband.

Thankfully we're both as anti-social as one another so rarely happens.

You do need to go for her sake though.

DecoratingDiva · 18/09/2024 21:24

What is it that your partner does that this would be considered normal behaviour?

I have been at my current company for 29 years and never once been invited out for drinks by a boss or to a personal party!

Husband had worked at his company for 27 years and only once have we been invited to a party by one of his colleagues.

I know people do make friends at work and do socialise with colleagues but it is not everyone and it is perfectly normal not to do this as well.

If your partner wants to do this then that’s fine but I think the expectation that you will go is a bit much.

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