Biggest mistake

[Onalimb]

I made the biggest mistake of my life leaving my stable job and allowing myself to be wooed by a large consultancy firm. What I have found is backstabbing, greed and a world where it is not safe to trust anyone. It is toxic! I want to leave as soon as possible but I do not know how long I can hold on. My boss hates me because I not allowed myself to be bowed by her. My greatest sin is that I have not played the coward and simply reduce myself to worshipping and agreeing with everything she does. To my shame, I stand by and watch others get abused and persecuted because I am so busy surviving, I can't help others.

Before, I thought there was good in most people. Now I do not trust anyone and have less care for others. I think many (most) people will sell their souls to be in the boss' favour and to climb the ladder and make money. I see people reduced to pleasing their abuser just to get by and are willing to throw others under the bus.

It is incredibly toxic. This week, I observed silently while a colleague was tormented. I just could not care anymore. I'm tired and whilst I feel no emotion to this place and have moved on in my heart and mind, I worry about when my escape job will come along. I am very senior and so there's not plenty of jobs at my level available.

I regret taking this job and I regret putting my family's financial position at risk. I regret not paying more attention to the red flags. I regret thinking I could trust and confide in people who used me to gain favour with the boss.

I think a whole lot less of people and care a lot less about people.

I just wanted to share.

Bump

You are not alone and I'm so glad you've posted this because I find myself in the same situation.
I was once told 'if you're not part of the solution, you're very quickly part of the problem'. That has stuck with me and I'm looking to escape as soon as possible. Until then, self-defence. The other people will know it's toxic too but they'll be so busy protecting themselves that they'd throw you under the bus to save themselves so you have to be defensive and think about no.1. It's sad and it's not really my way of being but it's true.

Would your previous company take you back?

Whatever happens don't lose your faith in people. Certain industries attract types. Be glad you are not fitting in. I worked in an awful place for a while and looking back it really damaged me.

I don't have practical advice just to say I work with the nicest most decent people in the world now. Knowing there is good in people is a really comforting thought and contributes so much to our happiness and MH, more than people realise I think.

Can you get your old job back?

@Postslikethese it is really demoralising and I wonder how did I let this happen to me.

@Justsayit123 @Sethera To get back into my old company, it would have to be a competitive process and there is nothing available now but I am keeping in touch with key people to be ready if something does come up. I know there is at least one role at an appropriate senior level that will be coming up either later this year or in the new year.

@Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong I'm pleased to hear you say this but honestly, it will take me some time to think more positively about other people. I used to think that people were generally good; now, I see people very differently.

Anyway you can down size from your very senior position so you can take another job? If you are very senior I do hope you are supporting those junior to you .

Are you at one of big 4? If you are it looks good on your cv and is really easy to move from. I'd try and stay 2 years but keep an eye out for suitable jobs. Don't limit yourself to your previous employer.

Lots of sympathy as I did same but got out again!

@Sidebeforeself at this stage, I do not want to take a step back in my career. I want to get out but taking steps back would cause me more distress, but I get your point. As for supporting juniors; I do and in some ways my quiet but determine refusal to be part of the cabal means I am not in favour. What I don't do is go the extra mile as I would have normally done because the juniors are adopting toxic behaviours to please their abusers. They throw each other under the bus and undermine each other. People are aware of what is going on and frankly this is on the firm. Not my problem to solve. I want out. I worry about when.

@ZoeyBartlett yep. Well done for getting out. How long did it take you to escape?

We've 'lost' some great seniors to the Big 4 over the last two or three years where I work, I think they woo hard. It would be marvellous (from my point of view!) if they came back!

I've heard this same situation from a few people lately. There's so much toxicity and real distress in so many work places now.
I think COVID really did knock everything off kilter. All the WFH and the pitching colleagues against each other, and the fact the power balance shifted in many ways. All the encouraging people to "snitch" people up, it's now out of control in many cases. Firms are piling the pressure on too.

I hope you manage to get another job soon OP. The working stresses and COL crisis to contend with is enough, without being so desperately unhappy at work too. We spend too many hours at work to be unhappy. All the best!

I stayed 2 years.