Getting info about school from 4 yo?

[Newyorkhighline]

Child just got home from first day in reception. As is typical I'm sure, I've not got much info out of him about how his day was (after an emotional start to the day for him and me). He's said he played with another child I know, and I managed to glean that he ate "some rice" at lunch, but he is starving hungry and I've not found out anything more about his day.

I know this is quite normal (I think) for 4 year olds. However it's going to be an adjustment from nursery where they tell you about his day and where there was an app showing photos and logging meals. Is there ever a time where they get better at telling you stuff or is it all a mystery going forward?

All day I've been worried about him and now I've no idea how it went or how he actually feels about it! How do you get used to this?

Don't worry! It went good, otherwise, the teacher would talk to you. Usually, parents are called, when something is wrong, so be happy, that you weren't called to discuss your child. Also, he said to you quite a bit- he got a friend and he ate his lunch! Everything is perfect!

My dc are older but still dont tell me much. I ask questions like what was the funniest thing that happened today or what was your favourite part of the day when I collect from school. Later when they've been fed and rested a bit they usually volunteer more info.

Totally normal! You may find that as soon as it is bedtime they want to go into great detail about their day 😀

My DS is year 4 and all I get is an "ugh" or "meh".

Yes. We started with the 'questions game' at the dinner table, where we asked simple questions about the day and they won if they answered.
Eventually got up to 10 questions then changed it to 'let see how much you can remember'
Before you knew it we got a complete run down of the day from beginning to end!
We also played the game and talked about our day so they didn't feel interrogated.
Now.... talking non stop haha

Sorry op but this is often the case and it doesn't always get better.
Mine would talk more later in the day and often before bed to delay bedtime more than anything else.
Theyre teens now and sometimes we get together with friends who's dcs are also friends with mine. They often laugh about things that happened in primary school. Some of it is brow raising or surprising and us parents are often saying "why did you never tell us this at the time?!"but they just shrug and don't have an answer.

No news is good news but they do eventually get a bit better at filling you in.

As a former reception teacher I used to suggest asking them what the best/worst/most exciting/funniest part of the day was rather than what did you do today which is very broad.

Another idea that always worked well was if they said they did nothing turn it into a silly game e.g yes I bet (insert teacher name) just had you all sitting on the carpet staring at the wall all day or I bet she didn't even let you play with anything etc.

This works as they want to prove you wrong (like all 4 year olds) so you inevitably get them telling you of course not we got to do x,y and z and so and so did this and that. 😆

Just ask did you have a good day when they come out of school. You will find he will talk more later, in the bath, over supper at the end of a story. Then you can ask who did you play with etc. as he gets older you will learn so much by chatting on car trips, this is the teenage chat space in our house. Remember he is tired at the end of the day.

Also, being starving at the end of the day in Reception is quite normal! It doesn't necessarily mean he's not eating his lunch.

They do get better but I would say that one of the big adjustments you have to make as the parent of a child at school as opposed to nursery/pre school childcare is just how little information you get.

When my kids were little, I found more specific questions helped (eg what story did you have, did you play in the home corner today).

Nursery is childcare and you're the customer. School is education and you're in partnership. Teachers are too busy to provide parents with info, they'll tell you if there's a problem.

It's just party of growing up, your child's world becomes less knowable.

Doesn't the school publish a menu?

I had to go and find this for you as my oldest nephew and me were laughing at this a few weeks ago as it describes our kids perfectly 🤣

www.facebook.com/share/JugYyvftV29mKKmE/

My son is now in year 1 and I get limited information.

Are you sure they won't use an app? They do for reception in our school but it took a few days for the log in and password to get to us

Most of the time I asked my kids how was school the answer was 'fine'.
Then I started asking for the highlight and the low light of the day, that got a better response. Frankly you just have to leave them to it.

If you follow Dr Martha on Insta, she had a good post about this a few days ago (warning - contains bad language if your volume is up and you are in a public place!!)

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_tedvBILJz/?igsh=MWVqNG5jdmJreml4YQ==

As a former reception teacher I used to suggest asking them what the best/worst/most exciting/funniest part of the day was rather than what did you do today which is very broad.

Yes I've been asking these type of questions rather than open ones but no answer!

Good idea about the silly game making up what might have happened though!

It doesn't get much better, I'm afraid. Our house overlooks the primary school grounds - my DS came home when he was in about Year 2 and told me he had done 'nothing' on a day when I had watched his class being shown round an actual fire engine in the playground, sitting in the driver's seat, playing with the blue lights and hoses, and trying on firefighters' helmets for the entire afternoon. The only things that ever warranted a mention in his entire primary school career were a dead bird on the school drive and someone losing their fidget spinner.

Seriously leave the poor kid be. He must be knackered, and the last thing he needs is to be grilled for information.
Most kids when you ask what did you do today answer dunno or nothing. It’s only in the movies that they come out skipping telling you in acute detail. You will find out soon enough at parents evening!

I work in year 1 as a TA now, but when my teens were little I barely got anything out of them. Asking them the best thing/most interesting thing worked sometimes though.

Last term we had a fire drill in the middle of a very well planned and organised whole class(!) smoothie making lesson. Loads of chopping fruit and veg, deciding flavour combinations and textures, using the blender and of course tasting it...

Right in the middle a fire bell went. If the children told their parents anything at all it would have been about the fire drill!

I find it often comes out randomly; bed time often or when something triggers a memory of the day. However I also find at the end of term when books come home that DCs have learnt about things that they’ve never even mentioned at home….
Modelling talking about your own day within the family helps too. I tell my DC bits about my day - random or funny things rather than the mundane or annoying parts

Being starving is normal! I’ve been a teacher for 30 years and I'm still ravenous after school, especially the first week back

Yes, it's normal for them to be rubbish at telling you about their day. At that age they are too busy experiencing it all to actually store it in their memory in any coherent way. And by the time they get home, they are too tired to reconstruct ut all in their heads!