Parental anxiety starting Y7

[Marbld]

I've NC'd for this because I'm embarrassed.

My eldest child has just started secondary and I'm racked with anxiety all day worrying about him. I'm a worrier in general but I typically manage it fairly well without it impacting my life - or anyone else's. It makes no sense because he is doing GREAT at secondary. It's been little over a week and already he has made good friends, he has logged loads of 'positive behaviour points' on the app and no negative ones, he is managing the canteen ok and the journey - really no problems at all. He is confident and talking about which clubs he wants to join and thinking about auditioning for the play, honestly I'm so delighted. But then every so often my mind starts to drift and I can stop worrying. I had a horrid experience at secondary myself, I was not popular at all and really struggled - maybe that's why? Did anyone else feel like this? I'm trying to remember if I felt like this when he started primary and I suppose i did but only for a couple of days.

Of course I haven't and wouldn't tell him I'm feeling like this - he has no idea and happily chats to me about how his day was what what his plan is for lunch the next day etc. I mentioned it to my husband yesterday and will chat to him further tonight though.

It is not easy as you aren't involved in their school life anymore and it can be daunting.

Try to focus on the fact that he is happy so far, encourage him to meet with new friends outside school, find a time where he is happy to talk about it.
DD definitely opened up more on car journeys to her hobbies than when she came home tired and hungry.

One other thing: I found that most children will find their trope, they may not be popular in the classical sense but happy. We know one boy, the most unsporty, nerdy boy you can think of and he is happy as a lark as he found other unsporty, nerdy boys to hang out with and be friends. He won't win any price for most popular boy of the year but that's not what he is looking out for.

I think this is a very normal way to feel when you had a difficult secondary experience yourself. Your instinct is to protect your child from the awful things you went through but there's absolutely no reason why their experience will be the same as yours. Different child, different school and it sounds like he's got off to a flying start.

I think you'll start to relax as time goes on. Just don't let those negative thoughts fester. List off the positives as soon as they start to creep in.

I say all this as a year 11 mum who was sick with worry in year 7.

That all sounds right @Vanderpumpblues981 I will keep focusing on the positives and honestly there are so many positives atm. He isn't me and there is no reason to think my experiences will be hos experiences.

Your advice would be spot on @reluctantbrit if making friends was something I'm worried about - but it's not at all, he is fabulous at making friends and always has been. He even made new friends on transition day. Good advice for someone else though no doubt 😃