How would you feel about this ?

[thedogatemyhairbrush]

Close friends for many years and both part of a wider friendship group. For my birthday this year I got the usual lovely card & gift from the group. We do this for everyone in the group, we each contribute around £8-£10. Me and my friend always get each other a separate card and gift alongside this. We like to treat each other. The cards are usually written with 'bestie' etc and have lovely words in then to/from one another. This year she didn't get me any separate card or gift. It's not about receiving a gift.

AIBU to be a bit miffed ?

EDITED to add she has the money to buy me a card (and a gift but as I said, I'm not greedy for a gift)

I think I'd see it in the context of the friendship more generally. It's a sweet tradition and nice to show your appreciation of the friendship, but sometimes life gets in the way. And the relationships we are most secure in are the ones we can let slip.

So, is she a good friend to you? Do you have fun together? Does she support you when you are having a tough time? Does she make time to hang out?

All of those are far more important IMO than a gift and some nice words.

@Idcmt totally agree. She supports me fully with everything. I've had a shitty time at work lately and she has been there 110% for me. The things you've listed are totally more important than a card/gift.

I just feel a bit miffed about the card because it's really unusual of her. She loves cards and the words inside them are important to her (her own words). Maybe she wants to break our tradition of own cards/gifts each in addition to putting in with the group, and this is her way of doing it

Then I think I'd try and get over it. I'm quite a sentimental person so I appreciate that it's an important tradition/display of affection to you. But it's not a major lapse really - maybe she just had a busy week or forgot to pop to the shop and then felt she'd missed her moment.

Or maybe you're right and she doesn't want to do it anymore, but I'm not sure that means anything about the overall friendship - just perhaps that she's changed how she wants to display it. I got into quite an intense card and gift cycle with one of my friends - here's a present for your promotion, you're having a tough week here are some cheer up flowers etc. And to be honest I was relieved when we both stopped! I'm secure in the friendship and I know I can count on her and that means so much more to me than some nice words in a card (which after a few years end up being a bit repetitive!).

My best friend forgets my birthday every damn year but she’s there for me the other 364 days, has my back and I love her to death. Yes I get a bit miffed but I’d rather have her support and love every other day of the year than a card and present just one day.

If everything else hasn't changed and she's still the same supportive friend then I'd say she probably forgot. Unless you feel the friendship has changed? It could also be possible she wants to stop the gift giving. For her birthday I'd still give her a gift but if she again "forgets" then you know to stop buying for her. I just wish people would be more honest if they wanted to make changes but I suppose it's not easy for some people.

Don't forget to send a WhatsApp to the group thanking them for their gift. Said friend will either apologise and say she forgot or won't say anything at all, that will be telling.