Speaking at my Dad's funeral tomorrow, am bricking it

[Dustyblue]

I could use a pump-up from those good at public speaking.

My Dad died on Fathers' Day (Sept 1st here in Oz) and the funeral is tomorrow. I've my speech all written. The other speakers will be my Uncle doing the eulogy and my brother. Also my 8 y/o son wants to speak. I'll go along with that if he does I suppose? We're expecting approx 200 people, plus live streaming.

I've only ever done public speaking for work, and not recently. Preferably I'd memorise my speech, but I'm too scattered for that.

I'm seeing a psych for anxiety, and I saw my GP a few days ago- he gave me beta blockers for the potential panic. I hope it helps.

Any words of advice from those who've done this before? No idea how I'm going to sleep tonight!

An uncle also gave a tribute. It was word perfect like a public speaker... but clinical and emotionless. I've watched back and was so glad mine wasn't. Mine showed my love, it tapped into the emotions of everyone who needed to hear that. The uncles felt like a stranger rather than personal

I’m very sorry for your loss.
pick someone in the congregation who you trust and focus on speaking to them.
remember people are interested in what you’re saying but don’t expect you to be polished, it’s ok to stumble over your words just start again, no one will care.
you may cry, that’s ok.
finally but very importantly speak more slowly than you think you need to because a lot of people rush and are as a result are difficult to understand when they speak in front of others.
you’ll do you dad proud.

Am trying to be stoic, but thanks so much for all these brilliant tips and words of wisdom. It is unreal how helpful a group of strangers online can be 💕

I spoke at my Dad's funeral. I'm used to public speaking and though it isn't like any other event, I do think my background helped.

Type it out and double space it if you can.

Have a tissue handy.

Breathe deeply and take a moment if you need to.

Practice it out loud a few times as pp said.

Try and look up from your sheet. I caught a few smiles and nods of recognition during mine and that was comforting. Everyone is definitely willing you on.

You'll be glad you did it. It helps me remembering I got to say goodbye and honour him that way.

Don't forget your reading glasses if you need them either! 😉

I organise a lot of funerals (work for a church) and we advise you write it out in full, larger font than normal and have a back up person to take over from you if you feel you cannot continue, perhaps the celebrant or another family member - having a plan b seems to help people but rarely is plan be used. You take a deep breath and somehow manage, you can do it. Take care and best wishes

If you feel you really can't, can you get someone to read it for you, everyone will understand. It's just not something everyone can do, it's too emotional.

Put something funny in early so you can look forward to sharing it or remembering it with everyone or even have everyone rolling their eyes and nodding. You know the thing “Jeez, he was a lucky bastard that day”, or “He was so proud of that trophy, he built a whole pool room for it”. I told the story, waved a Dockers scarf, walked down to put it on the coffin, came back and carried on. That will give you a little something to look for, wait for the chuckles and then you will be fine.

@Dustyblue was it today? Hope it went well and you are ok. Tough day.

Sorry for your loss.
Just wishing you all the best. Everyone will be rooting for you.
Am doing the same on Monday.

Oh I see now it's tomorrow. This morning seems like days ago. Long day.

Sending strength to you and @jay55 .

please accept my condolences for your loss. My husband has just done this for his father. A 5 page eulogy with me and my daughter in the front row. Yes he lost it a time or two but he did it. He had a hand signal to give the celebrant if he couldn’t carry on, she had a copy so she could continue. Maybe this would work for you?

Imagine you're reading it through to your dad. Address it to him, he'll see you right.

Sorry for the late reply. All these words from people who'd done it before really, really helped. I can't thank you enough.

As soon as I recognised a few faces of family members in the audience, such as uncles I hadn't seen for years and so on, all beaming at me proudly- my nerves just dissipated.

The beta blockers no doubt helped, but the audience support was crucial.

It was live streamed and watching it back, I spoke too fast and kind-of rushed through it, but I got my words across.

Also, my 8y/o came on stage with me a actually spoke after me. It was precious.

Thanks again X

I wrote a eulogy and gave it to some funeral speaker guy or whatever they are called to read on my behalf. He delivered it a million times better than I could have done, very slow and measured. It was actually lovely to be in the audience and listening to it along with the other guests and hearing all the memories I wrote being read out.

@Dustyblue that's wonderful. Well done. And your 8yr old getting up with you is just lovely. Your family won't care if you rushed bits of it, your words will have been spoken with love and warmth, that's what they'll remember.