Instead of relaxing and enjoying my maternity leave, something has happened which has caused my blepharospasm to come back. It only ever happens when I am deeply stressed and not getting enough sleep.
I know exactly what the cause is. It’s ridiculously specific so I won’t share in detail but essentially it’s something that’s been imposed on us by the area we live in that has significantly reduced our ease and quality of life. Our neighbours have banded together as it affects us all and we’ve had to get the MP involved. Campaigning and emailing and putting together objections and so on, was not on my bingo card for the week before I give birth.
It’s really causing me stress to the extent that I’m dreaming about it. I wake up and feel dread about it. I’m hugely resentful that despite going off from a heavy workload and stressful job, I’ve now had additional stress imposed on me and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s not something that’s going to be resolved quickly, if ever. This might be it for good. It makes me so upset.
I’m sorry for being so abstract but I am worried about the effect this is clearly having on my worry and stress levels, on the baby. How can I get past this anxiety? How can I make my peace with what has been imposed on us without any discussion?