Why did the U.K. lose its neighbourly, community feel?

[AlbyemiF]

I grew up in London where neighbours were good friends, everyone looked out for each other and it was more like a close knit family community.
Since being an adult wherever I live I have found so many neighbours that are antisocial, selfish, parking dramas, ignoring each other, complaining about xyz and generally being awful people.
it seems to be the case mostly everywhere now as family and friends say they experience the same thing.
my current neighbours moved in 6 weeks before we moved into our house. They had the walls knocked down so it’s completely open plan with barely any furniture and laminate everywhere. So you can imagine the sound. We hear everything. Yet they insist on stomping everywhere, slamming doors, hoovering and washing up as loud as possible and even DIY during the night. We can even hear them use the bathroom. We let it go as we were both new neighbours but almost a year on it hasn’t changed. We asked them about the noise as they were waking our baby constantly and they laughed in our face saying they can do what they want. They also have weekly parties until 3am and say it’s their culture and we’re racist to ask them to keep the music down.
Home doesn’t feel like home the way it used to. I know poorly built houses are partly to blame, although they have said they don’t hear us so they don’t believe we hear them.
Does anyone still live in a decent community or is the country doomed?

I think you just have horrible neighbours OP. I do think there is definitely a change towards more self-centred thinking generally, in the UK though. It upsets me.

Where I live - a town in Cornwall - people do very much still look out for each other. It's one of the things I love. But that could change of course.

I think it’s to do with how mobile the population is. If you have always lived in the same street and your auntie lives round the corner and your parents are over the road, you have to get on with your neighbours.

I live in a village so it's probably not a fair comparison, but everyone tries to be good, respectful neighbours, look out for the elderly and so on.

I think because London has become more transient. More overcrowded. Most people go in to go back out again. Creates a sense of anonymity/apathy.

I think it was Thatcherism.

I think London has always been transient, but I've lived here for 20 years in all sorts of homes and districts and never had particularly problematic neighbours. I think you might be extrapolating and just be unlucky with your current neighbours.

I have heard good things about Cornwall and staying local to where you were raised your whole life. I moved out of London 10 years ago to Kent and Surrey areas thinking country life would be peaceful, oh how I was wrong! It’s a shame to realise people are just horrid when there should be more kindness in the world these days.

I used to fucking love London with all my heart. It was one of the best places in the world.

Changed now though

Parking problems are always gonna be with us. No-one on mumsnet wants to hear about tedious parking issues, it's just part of life.

Start a WhatsApp group, put a note through the doors, saying ppl can mute it but they might get a head-up on important things.

I blame late stage capitalism.

People are busy, they work more hours, do more activities and watch more TV.
I don't know most of my neighbours (shitty ex council estate). There's no front gardens or driveways so no chance to potter and bump into each other. They all drive too.
I litter pick all the time but rarely see another person.

I live in a village and most people are decent but some homes in our area are social housing and transient. The differing behaviour of neighbours is quite an eye opener. Some so respectful and quiet and others just fog horns with dog shit all over the place.
Some are so respectful regards parking and others are so utterly impossible using everyone else's spaces despite having a gigantic driveway.
I do believe the transient nature of people now is alot to do with it. Even the most feral of tenants can be trained to behave more respectfully if they're there long enough and there's a collective force amongst people that know each other by living there a long time.

I don't know OP, maybe about the time we became obsessed with our rights but dismissed our responsibilities? I'm sorry you're having a tough time with your neighbours and particularly I hate it when people use 'culture' as an excuse for their poor behaviour.

I think there are still pockets of neighbourly areas. Maybe its cars, phones, internet, modern gender roles. Maybe because we all have to work so bloody hard to pay the rent and don't have the time and energy to make friends with our neighbours, while our parents ran a home on a single, unskilled wage. Maybe there are rose tinted spectacles for a time that didn't really exist anyway.

One word. Thatcher.

It's neo liberalism. We've had 40+ years of it with no break. No such thing as society, we're all very individualistic now. The UK is nothing like the continent where there is still a real feel of community and the common good. We're all me, mine, fuck you all. You don't have to scratch much under the surface to find this mentality, even in people who purport to think otherwise.

I think we often see the past with a distorted viewpoint. However, I do agree that the Thatcher years marked a turning point. In addition to the cult of individualism, many communities with a sense of collective pride centred around particular industries, skills, etc, were decimated.

Do you care to explain how it was Thatcherism? I felt a sense of community in the late 90”s. There are so many recent issues like safety that are killing communities. The street weed smokers and drug dealers in what it used to be good family areas. The inflation making people to move out of London or even during the pandemic. However, there still is overcrowding of London making people less trusting and fed up with everything like traffic and congestion. Local pubs closing down where people use to meet before. So expensive to socialise and people becoming more hermit and staying in their houses watching Netflix. I really rather be home than on the street where 1700 prisoners without homes are being released early this week. If a neighbour come to knock I may not open the door.

I grew up up north. Never experienced this neighbourly feel.

Or certainly late capitalism.

We actually have quite a neighbourly street here in London. The WhatsApp group started in COVID probably helped that and people are generally considerate. I think more people WFH also improved things as now we see one another more often.

I live in a city. My street is very neighbourly, as are many other streets around us. Sounds like you're unlucky to have noisy neighbours and perhaps thin walls. Could you soundproof your walls internally? Do you talk to these or other neighbours more generally? Might be worth getting to know them.

In fact, where I live now is by some way the friendliest area I've ever lived in - and I've previously lived in some fairly unfriendly areas.