Baby doesn't like 'cuddles'

[soberholic]

Hi guys, my daughter came into the world nearly 4 months ago now, and while she was colicky until recently, she's generally a chipper little girl that returns my smiles and babbles lots. She's already semi-crawling (still on stomach), and will be still if we read a book to her, loves being outside, very engaged with exploring the world.

But she doesn't like 'cuddles'. I see all across the internet women who experience 'cuddles' with their babies - but I've never had a cuddle with her.

If I try she becomes a little wiggly monster 😂 until she's put down and can practice crawling again.

I'd love to be able to cuddle with my baby, even once - did anyone else have a non-cuddle' baby?

That's fine

Not all babies are cuddly

Mine wasn’t particularly cuddly at that stage either, she was too busy taking an interest in everything around her. It wasn’t until she was about 18-24 months thay she really wants cuddles.

DD wasn’t. I mostly saw the benefits and appreciated that I wasn’t up all night rocking her to sleep. She’s six and still not overly keen on physical affection unless it’s the rare occasion that she’s particularly tired.

I had a heck of a shock when DS came along who gives enough cuddles and kisses for ten two children.

Thanks. I was a little worried I'm doing something wrong, but she's full of smiles when she's having her birth or exploring.

I guess it's just her personality!

@Storytimetime

2 of my dc weren't cuddy at all, they still aren't at 20 and 14.

We are still all really close and show love in lots of ways.

They just weren't/aren't huggers and that's OK.

My DD was exactly the same, far too interested in her own skills! She’s now a very kissy cuddly two year old!

My DD was like that. I used to call her itchy&scratchy. She just wasn´t into that. Now she´s 6 and likes a big hug and even takes a few steps back and runs into me!

@CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate

Thank you for your reply. May I ask how you showed affection in other ways when they were babies?

My baby likes it when I sing to her but my singing voice is so bad that it's borderline abuse.

She's gained alot of weight very quickly, so I'm a little worried she's using food for comfort.

I had a baby that used to remove my arm when I cuddled her, she just wanted to explore. I now have a very cuddly teenager! So don’t be surprised if it changes although it’s always on their terms.

Mine weren't either as babies - no kisses when older either, and when they were in a carrier, they only wanted to be facing forward and looking at the world, not facing me at all (I used to turn them round if they fell asleep).

They did like to just sit together on the sofa though, and as teens/tweens they still love that all sitting under a blanket for movie night, and do want hugs goodnight and good morning (they kind of drape themselves over me). No kisses still though!

You do realise not all babies are the same?

Yep. I remember feeling exactly the same. Mine is two now and cuddles are much more forthcoming. I also get a very cute “fan chew mumma” at the end. Given the choice, I’d take this over infant cuddles.

I didn't realise my first wasn't cuddly until I had my second! Still the same now they're 6 and 4 - a cuddle from 6 is a rare treat, but I had to peel 4 off me to go shower this morning.

ETA they're two happy healthy little girls, just different personalities.

Honestly - I'm like another poster on MN who recently got slandered on MN. I'm 37 but this is my first experience of being near a baby.

So I don't know what any baby is like. I'm also in rural Japan so there's no classes, other mother's etc. I'm learning everything from the internet.

I'm doing my absolute best to be a great mother, but there will be things I miss / not know about. SoI turn to MN for abit more advice or guidance.

No - I don't know how similar or different babies are as most respond to the same stimuli (the five s's etc).

We're now through colic and I'm worried that because I've never done skin to skin with her (can't breastfeed, GA for c-section etc) that I've made her this way.

There is no help where I am, no health visitors, no midwives. I'm on my own.

Hi OP please don't worry, it sounds like this is just your baby's personality. One of my children was like this and was very physically active. He just wanted to roll/ crawl/ walk / run and did all these things very early. He didn't want to be cuddled, he wanted to move!
I don't especially like physical affection myself tbh, but consider myself a very loving person.
As a baby/ child we read together a lot and while he didn't like to be cuddled, he loved to be carried when we were out, so both my partner and I did this a lot.

No need for this kind of sarcasm really.

It’s just the shittest kind of answer someone could give. A know it all without anything useful to say.

The OP has replied to her beautifully.

My voice is like nails down a chalk board but I still sang to them all the time. I still do, but they can run away now, or tell me to shut up 🤣

I did baby massage, songs, reading books (when 20yo just went to uni I bought him one of the ones he read all the time and loved and wrote a message in it, and I did get a much covetted hug actualy, they are usually reserved for birthdays and xmas) lay on the floor with them for tummy time. As they get older there's more you can do and enjoy together.

There's so much that you can do that doesn't involve a cuddle.

Parenthood isn't always the way you envisage it's going to be, I certainly know it hasn't been for me, but you just adapt with your baby and it works out.

Honestly op, everyone with a 4 month old is just winging it, you're doing great 💐

I have bad news for you, I was the same. Apparently I was the happiest baby ever until someone tried to cuddle me.

I still don't like cuddles and hugs.

It is NOTHING you have done. Babies have personalities just like adults they are all different and some love to cuddle and others don't.

Dc1 was the same - always fiercely independent and confident, never wanted more than a second for a cuddle even as a newborn. I used to be extremely jealous of other mums who had cuddly clingy babies. Dc1 is now 7 and is very affectionate, loving and caring (but still fiercely independent!) I think they started to be cuddly at about 3.

dc2 - I wished for a cuddly clingy baby, and dc2 certainly has always been a cuddly baby. Very clingy and would spend all day cuddling if they could (they’re now 2 and still the same!) It’s lovely but I do miss the confidence and independence that dc1 had at this age. Somewhere between the two personalities would be perfect! lol

Its just different personalities, try not to take it personally it doesn’t mean they don’t adore you, they just want to explore! It may just be a phase because they’re learning new exciting skills.

My son was not a cuddly baby. He now likes hugs and snuggles aged three and will actively seek me out to get them 🥰 He also loves holding my hand and giving kisses 😍

My daughter used to remove my arms from around her, one by one, whilst I was breastfeeding her! I just thought she wasn't a cuddler, always on the move instead. Years down the line I am discovering she has sensory issues. The feeling of being held is very uncomfortable for her. She likes to hold my hand or rest her head on me instead.

My son went through that phase when he crawled and walked, only cuddled for naps. He's 13 months now and the toddler cuddles are delightful, he'll come running over and cuddle, snuggles in and lays his head on our shoulder, its the best :) not all baby's are cuddly but most are at a certain stage, it'll come :)

Thank you so much for your replies everyone, I'm feeling a lot more confident now that it's just her personality, and I'm happily finding other ways to comfort her and make her feel loved.