Fixing 10 month routine desperate

[Glikooli]

Desperate for help.. please be kind.
I'm a first time mum to a 10 month old boy. Since he was born he has never had an early bedtime and due to several night wakings neither of us could manage to wake up at 7am especially when I'm home all day on mat leave.
He will be starting nursery next month and has to be fed and there for 9am. I've tried consistently for the last week to get him down to sleep at 8/9 but he refuses.
What should I be doing? We cosleep and he only really sleeps when I do around 11pm.

He is on around 2 daytime naps. This is what our routine currently looks like and I'd really appreciate any advice on how to get him sleeping early. He really hates a crib and only really falls asleep with a feed cosleeping - I'd love to know how I can get him falling asleep alone as I'm sure he'll need to learn for nursery naps? I have a VERY clingy baby who only settles with me, screams when I'm out of sight and has learnt some bad habits like to scream until I give in to what he wants. Unfortunately I'm much more weak willed than I thought and can't bear the screaming and tears so I cave pretty fast. We can't even go out in the car as he screams so much in his seat.

8-9 wake up, change nappy and bit of play whilst I make the bed and freshen up
9-10 breakfast (sometimes refuses his so breakfast for me)
10-11 playtime whilst I do the chores, or walk outside
11-12 change and try and settle for a nap
1-2 wake up and lunch
2-4 playtime together and I get started on dinner, try and have a quick shower
4-5 try to have a short nap whilst baby wearing and get dinner ready
5-7 dad returns from work, we try and eat together then tidy up
7-8 bit of play and relax before starting bedtime
8-9 baby shower and try to put him asleep (if he skips the 4pm nap usually will sleep otherwise refuses till 10:30)
9-11 chaos trying to put baby to sleep ends up being playtime with his dad

It would be dream if I could have him asleep from 7 to 7 alone in a crib and have the evening to myself. I end up cleaning the same rooms thrice a day due to the mess and would really prefer an hour at the end of the day to reset.

Again please be kind I realise I may have brought this on myself by not starting early - any advice is really appreciated.

I value an evening but cannot tolerate crying either! Consequently, I would get him up at 7. Reduce naps down to one. Contact nap if that is what he needs, cap it at an hour. Do whatever he needs to fall asleep at bedtime and work on putting him down once asleep - you can work on getting him to fall asleep in the cot once you've got bedtime sorted. Keep bedtime the same every night.

Loads of this would horrify a 'sleep coach' but has worked for both of mine who were also very clingy.

I'd say much too young for 1 nap but you can start trying to bring it in.

7am wake up
8am breakfast
10:30 nap
12 noon lunch
3pm - 4:30 nap
Aim for 8:30 bed time

Wake up for lunch at 12 if need to, then as gets older that first nap will get shorter and shorter as transition towards one nap. Your main issue is that second nap being too late in the day. Aim for at least 4 hours before bed from last sleep.

Thank you - I will try a 7am wake up if I was to go to one nap is it supposed to be a 1 hour nap only?

I like this routine it feels doable! I will trial this out over the next few days. Thank you for sharing. Absolutely dreading waking a sleepy baby at 7 but got to start somewhere!

You have a schedule that is overtired or undertired. A nap 4-5:30 means baby isn't tired enough for bed until 9:30/10. So you trying to put them to bed at 8 will be chaos. If baby refuses the 4pm nap because first nap too late then they're massively overtired by 8pm and while they'll drop off quick they struggle to stay asleep. That's why you need that first nap over by 12 noon (ideally 11:30) so that second nap is bought in.

I'd say the second nap is too late. Moving wake up earlier (to 7am like you mentioned you would like) would bring that last nap forward (both naps to be fair) and make bedtime earlier.
Our routine when my youngest was that age was:
6am wake up
10am - nap - 1 hour
3pm latest - 2nd nap - 30-45 mins
Bedtime - 7.30pm
At 10 months though we were approaching one nap. The 10am nap moved to 11am some days then we would skip the 2nd nap and bring bedtime forward an hour.

Thank you all. Today has been a bit of anaomly. We woke up at 8:45 went for a walk. Had breakfast and played but he still isn't asleep. I'm curious to see what one nap will look like today - would you suggest I keep him entertained till 1/130 and let him have a nap and awake by 3 to trial an 830 bedtime. He's not showing any sleepy signs pretty content playing around atm..
Not sure when and how long this 1 nap should be

I think the wake time is too late and then also there is too big a gap until the first nap, which means the whole day is off. On two naps a day we roughly followed the 2-3-4 pattern - first nap (1 hour-ish) is 2 hours after they wake. Then the long afternoon nap (2 hours-ish) is 3 hours after they wake from the morning nap. Then bedtime is 4 hours after they wake from the afternoon nap.

I used to work in a baby room and have my own children. Older babies often slept around lunch time. Either before or after they had eaten. One nap was probably enough. I would gradually move the wake up time earlier so less confusion for him. Maybe adjust by 15 minutes over a few days.

I think it probably depends on your baby. That would have been enough for both of mine around that age but up to two hours would still be pretty average I think. Having been up about 6/6.30am, mine would have napped and woken up by midday and been in the bath around 5.15, asleep by 6. On me at first and then holding hands and then just sitting by them. That went on for years but we didn't mind doing it as they were happy and we had the whole evening.

It really depends on your priorities and what your baby will and won't do - mine (especially first) were hard work at naptime and seemed fine on very little daytime sleep but were very quick and easy to put to bed early, so that's what we did.

Mine still needed a solid 3 hours daytime sleep at this age, but did more like 10 hours overnight.

I'm on day 2 of trying to fix our routine and I think we are definitely going to be doing 2 naps for a while. Everything seems to run like clock work until the second nap is over and it's making/serving/tidying up dinner, bathtime, spending time with dad and put to bed all within 3-4 hours. Practice makes perfect I guess!
Thank you everyone for your tips.