Forgiveness after an affair-it is possible

[WishingICouldBe]

10 years ago, my DH and I had an affair with each other. There was an absolute and deserved fall out at the time. We were both in unhappy relationships. We stayed together, got married and are happy with each other. I still feel guilty for how I behaved, I had never cheated on a partner before, and have never come even close since.

My ex has forgiven, moved on and remarried. We are good friends jn fact, and have talked again length about how we were together despite really not getting on as we had both been raised to believe that marriage was for life.

DH's ex has still sends angry messages, and has not moved on at all. She's talked openly about how she was very unhappy but would never have left, preferring to stay together for 'keeping face'.

I'm not really sure what I or we can do, we have met and talked, and peace resumes for a while but then she pops up to tell us we are hateful and immoral people. Should I just accept that for the rest of my life I should expect verbal attacks?

I have namechanged for this, and am bracing myself for whatever comes my way.

Are there children involved? I assume so if there is still contact with his ex-wife.

It’s not ideal no, but making a poor decision ten years ago (not ending your respective relationships before getting together) doesn’t mean you deserve to be abused for the rest of your life.

I don’t know what the answer is though.

I think it's probably time his ex was blocked from your lives to be fair.

What you did wasn't nice, wasn't right and you should have gone about it differently - but seriously, 10 years is a long time. Block her and live your life.

Presumably they have children together, hence the contact? So he broke up the family. She’s got the right to not forgive 🤷‍♀️

There were children involved, all teenagers at the time. She refers to 'the children' but they are all adults these days.

I’d never have a positive word to say about you or ex if this happened to me. But I’d see no benefit in sending angry messages when 10 years have gone by. Much better to pretend that neither of you exist now that the children are adults,

No personal experience, but my friend’s husband had an affair. She’s moved on, they’re civil. But has she forgiven him? No. Why would she? We’ve all kept him as a friend, but none of us feel the same about him. He’s shown us all that he’s not the good person we thought he was.

Why do you have to be on talking terms with her ? Change your phone number and let your husband talk to her

I would prefer to ignore her existence, have blocked her from social media etc. I do feel like I'm being watched from afar. I recently put a call out for a cleaner on my local facebook page and within a few hours she had messaged to say she didn't approve of us spending our money on a cleaner.

Sorry, should have said, one of her friends told her.