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I made a huge decision today

18 replies

ForOliveShaker · 08/09/2024 21:40

I have a low self esteem. It’s been driven by being cheated on in the past and just generally feeling like im just not good enough. I’m not the type to look at other women and comment about them. But I look at other women and say “why can’t I be like them”

Today a man who I had slept with many years ago reared his head out the blue. I remember this date very clearly. He was immature and we drank a lot and he basically asked for sex and at that young age I just put it on a plate for him. Well he tried to talk to me and said he was ashamed for how he acted and how he treated my in the past. He then said he got out of a relationship 6 months ago which was toxic. He then said she joined his gym. But she also tried to have him arrested and tried to jump out of his moving car. At this point I feel he needed therapy and not a woman.

For a few days I did speak to him about life in general, he asked to meet me for a coffee next week. I said okay. But then, the other night. I lay awake and thought about how he made me feel. I was very much unbothered by him after we slept together. No feelings or anything. But, I just saw him as a one night thing. And couldn’t push past that in my mind. My low self esteem right now could have made me continue speaking. But actually. I just made the decision to cut it off.

I texted him today. Saying, “thanks for the chat. But I don’t think we are compatible. I can’t look past what happened in the past and I feel as though the way you acted doesn’t sit right with me. Yes we change and mature. But I don’t need to get into something I dont feel right in.”

this is huge for me. Normally I’d go on dates and entertain men. But now I just put my foot down. He brought nothing to the table then. And he won’t now.

OP posts:
TheGoddessMinerva · 08/09/2024 21:41

Well done you.

itsmylife7 · 08/09/2024 21:52

That's a brilliant response .
Well done for knowing your worth

parietal · 08/09/2024 21:56

excellent, well done.

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Domoda · 08/09/2024 21:58

Massive well done

ForOliveShaker · 08/09/2024 21:59

itsmylife7 · 08/09/2024 21:52

That's a brilliant response .
Well done for knowing your worth

His response was very telling “well it’s not like we’re getting married I just asked for a coffee and to see where it goes”

me “I don’t think of you as someone I would marry. Hence why I’m not going to invest my precious time.”

OP posts:
KarlaKK · 08/09/2024 22:00

That's a great response.

onfiree · 08/09/2024 22:01

men are weird

who comes on to a woman by saying his ex called the police on him? I’d run a mile

onfiree · 08/09/2024 22:02

Well done OP,

ForOliveShaker · 08/09/2024 22:03

onfiree · 08/09/2024 22:01

men are weird

who comes on to a woman by saying his ex called the police on him? I’d run a mile

Exactly. He also went on and on and on about how it made him feel then would ask me silly questions like “would you take your ex back” “how long did it take you to move on etc etc”

clearly he was on the rebound and needed to vent. I just said please find a therapist. I can’t give you any advice for your ex nearly having you arrested and jumping out the car. Get help.

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 08/09/2024 22:10

ForOliveShaker · 08/09/2024 21:59

His response was very telling “well it’s not like we’re getting married I just asked for a coffee and to see where it goes”

me “I don’t think of you as someone I would marry. Hence why I’m not going to invest my precious time.”

Bet he couldn't believe you turned him down.
Hope your new confidence continues to grow a little each day.

Fannyfiggs · 08/09/2024 22:14

Bloody amazing OP 👏 👏 👏

Take this gold star ⭐ and let it remind you of how bright and brilliant you are.

❤️

Mummylovesmonkeys · 08/09/2024 22:27
Hero Parenting GIF by Cat & Nat

You, lady, are an absolute legend! Well done! 👏👏👏

Karmaisagod · 08/09/2024 22:28

I am LOVING this:

I don’t think of you as someone I would marry. Hence why I’m not going to invest my precious time.

Well done, OP. I think this line should be borrowed by women everywhere wanting to be firm and unequivocal with a man.

Gingerkittykat · 08/09/2024 22:29

Well done for setting healthy boundaries for yourself.

Noseybookworm · 08/09/2024 22:30

Good for you! Keep it going. You are worthy of love, respect and acceptance just as you are. Don't compare yourself to others and remember that these women you're wishing you are like have the same issues, problems and insecurities as everyone else!

MounjaroUser · 08/09/2024 22:31

You've made a huge mistake, OP. You found a prince and turned him down. Why wouldn't you want someone who another woman nearly killed herself to get away from?! What's up with you!

ginandheels · 08/09/2024 22:31

Good work. Well done you.

Take this moment, this feeling, this learning and clarity of purpose and apply it to every moment from here on. Continue to look after yourself in every part of your life. Boundaries are the best!

Alongthepineconetrail · 08/09/2024 22:35

Fantastic! Now block his number so you don't need to engage with him anymore.

I recommend that you do the online freedom programme to set healthy boundaries for yourself. You're new to this and not long out of an abusive relationship so you'll need a bit of help.

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk/sample-online/home.php

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