I have known that my partners brother hasn’t liked me for ages but wasn’t sure why.
Past incidents include:
My child (under 2 at the time) was playing near their fan and he almost knocked it over and he just started shouting at me and calling me f*ing useless. I told him not to speak to me like that and we left soon after. I don’t even understand how this was supposed to be my fault. My partner and their mum were also in the room so it’s not like I was the only one there with him.
We were at the beach and I was walking with my child and started walking up a hill so I went with him and one of his kids followed us and we passed a hole on the way up and my child was looking into it and then when we came back down he was shouting at me as there was a hole and they could have fallen into it. It wasn’t an ‘oh no! Look, there’s a hole here have you seen it?’ it was a ‘why are you so useless? Look after the children!’ type of shouting.
There’s probably more but it’s not really necessary to list them as I’m sure you get the idea from those of the tone he uses/how he sees me.
Anyway, today was my child’s birthday party and he came with his kids and his parents (he lives with them and it was their weekend to have the kids). One of his kids almost knocked the bouncy castle over so I went to the reception area where they were all sitting and said that one of them needs to be watching them and his mum (my partners mum/my child’s grandma) said that there was nowhere to stand yet every other parent was managing it and watching their kids 🙄
Anyway, he comes over with his mum, she talks to the child, he asks why I wasn’t dealing with it/watching her and I said she’s not my child and I must have asked what his problem was as he said that he had a problem with me.
So later on I talk to his mum, say I don’t want to see him again and ask what the problem is. Well, apparently they all have some issues with me as they think I’m controlling and sometimes when I talk I come across as rude. I have autism so I probably do come across as rude sometimes as I just say what I’m thinking and don’t lie ect. This isn’t me trying to make excuses I just mean that I never mean to be rude but it might come across that way unintentionally.
As for me being controlling, she said that I wouldn’t let my partner cut his hair. This is because I said that I know that he will be sad when he cuts it as he has a bald spot which he hates and is really self conscious about. He has has his hair cut now and I was right. It wasn’t about the haircut it was about the after affects and how he would feel. I wasn’t trying to be controlling I just didn’t want him to feel worse 🤷♀️
She also said that she used to hang out with him on his own all the time before he met me and I said I’m not stopping him from doing that now but then she said that she would like to spend time with just him and our child like she does with his brother and his brothers kids. It’s completely different as his brother lives with her and the kids stay with them on his weekends. Plus, I don’t want to give up time with my child. I have every right to be with him if I want to be and my partner has said he doesn’t even want to do things on his own with him yet!!
Then she said that we have no control over over our child like when he throws things. He doesn’t throw things often and if he does it gently as part of what he is playing then I don’t see the issue as it’s not causing harm to anyone or anything. If he were to throw something at someone or the tv or something then I would tell him no and take the thing away. The only time she sees him is when my partner is there too and when we’re at their house (which is the majority of the times that we see them) I feel like it is my partner’s responsibility to take control of situations as it is his family and I just don’t feel comfortable with it and he has previously agreed. His brothers kids get told off for things that I find silly (going in the kitchen, playing a silly game with my partner that we had said was fine but he just told the child off when he came back in the room, just silly stuff 🤷♀️) but everyone parents differently and our child is far from badly behaved and it’s really non of their business how we parent him as he is a good kid and is clearly happy. My parents and my friends have never said anything negative about my parenting and my best friend and some mum friends have said that I’m a really good mum. We’ve even had strangers say things to us like how calm he is or how happy he is so there’s clearly no problem with our parenting.
She also said that he doesn’t want to live where we are currently living and we’re only here because I want to be. I know he doesn’t like it here (mainly because the landlord doesn’t come and fix problems which is annoying but the landlord we had before was worse as he wanted to visit all the time and wanted things a particular way as it was his house/garden even though he wasn’t living there) and I do want to stay in the area we are in but I haven’t said I won’t move. He has said that he doesn’t want to go through the effort/stress of moving though.
What would you do?? This isn’t right is it??