How do you raise motivated kids?

[Veryoldandtired]

Has anyone got any idea? I always thought it was just support them with their passion approach that worked. Or does it? How to raise a child that will spend ages mastering their skill instead of moaning that they are bored? The one that won’t stop until they reached their goal?

Sorry but think it’s innate. Model hard work yourself?

I feel that because I did and I do work hard… I slightly overcompensate for things I never had as a child. It’s really hard finding that balance.

If it's their passion, why would they say they are bored?

My ds does karate & swimming. Occasionally he'll be lazy and say he can't be bothered to go. I'll say'if you can't be bothered, I'll cancel the subs, shall I?'

The suggestion always gets him on his feet. Hasn't failed yet. 😊

I seem to have raised 2 very motivated DD's, they both have work in their chosen field, have good relationships, have savings behind them. to be honest i am pretty proud, because I don't think i actually did much to help them apart from support them, encourage them to follow their dreams and lead by example!

to be fair, their dad being terminally ill and passing away has also had an impact on them, and they saw his choices affecting his health and both, with no prompting from anyone, decided to make a few lifestyles choices for themselves (they both suffer from the condition that essentially killed him).

I don't agree with pushy parenting, forcing children to do things they have no passion for, i was always led by my girls.

Agree Thursday. Dd1 has a string of brilliant results after working extremely hard and her has a place at her first choice RG university. Dd2 is more of a party girl but is also now very focused on her exams and working hard. We’ve not “done” anything but emphasised the importance of doing as well as you can and earning well if possible. Also tutors where needed.

I think this is more nature than nurture. I have one very motivated child and one with no motivation at all.

I just try to support and encourage them both and make sure I'm offering opportunities

One of them will take those opportunities and the other usually protests and refuses.

I agree, I think modelling hard work: and also, showing that a task/project might have given you some tough moments but you've overcome them.

I also think celebrating completion of both major tasks and achievement is important. I think they should be celebrated separately - getting to the end of exams, for example, is a celebration of hard work and perseverance which in my view should also be celebrated separately from the ultimate result of said exams. This applies to the whole family: so if you get a promotion at work, or get a new job, or complete a major project or task (at work, in a hobby, DIY on the house) that's taken a lot of time and effort, celebrate, and include them in the celebrations. You can model being proud of yourself too!

It’s most innate but Dr Dweck has done some research into it, essentially it’s about achieving effort rather than achievement.

Some of it is innate.

Some is parenting. Reward charts/stickers/paying for chores etc are strongly believed to undermine intrinsic motivation, as they lead children to believe that they should be getting a reward.

Celebrating achievements and effort.

"Mastering their skill" is an interesting way of putting it. Is it a passion as well as a skill? My husband is a phenomenal swimmer, he trained with the Team GB youth team, but it's a functional thing to him and not a passion, so he didn't follow it, much as his parents wanted him to. His passions are things that he's objectively less good at, but keeps up because he loves them.

I have 3 kids and it’s a personality thing.

The best that you can expect is that they try hard in something that interests them and support that interest.

I also found that my kids were more likely to be brave and try things when they saw me deal with screwing up sometimes. I had tried to be a good role model by being perfect but dealing with failure (resilience) is handy skill to have.

Encourage curiosity is a help I found. DH is always wanting to know what is round the next corner. Always looking a little beyond where I look. It's in his nature. Asks one more question to get context or a connection. Difficult to teach we hope it sort of rubs off on them.

If they're bored, it's not their passion! Some people are driven, some aren't. I don't think you can make someone into that kind of person really. Or at least, not deliberately or systematically.

I'm not sure modelling is necessary either!

I agree it's innate.

I'm not really that motivated as a person to work my socks of to achieve the very best. I'm a hard worker, studied hard, socialised hard but never beyond the norm iyswim?

Yet my ds is an extremely motivated athlete.

I think providing opportunity and supporting the, to follow their dreams counts for most.

One of mine is hugely motivated in one particular sport - she'll try over and over until she gets a new skill (they dont all come easily for her, she does have to work for them). We try to praise the effort rather than the achievement, although its impossible not to celebrate hard-won achievements too. IMO having to push herself and practice to get what she wants has got to be a great thing. However, the motivation doesn't extend to school work - she does enough to do well "enough" but doesn't work super hard. She's early teens.

Research does seem to say the intrinsic reward of doing it is the big factor, not the extrinsic reward of eg a medal or whatever.

But first off, they need to find the thing(s) they love to do and want to work to get better at.

I wish I knew, but I think it is innate.

My son loves athletics - he can't get enough of it, strives and loves to win, will never turn down an opportunity to train or compete or watch races on YouTube or bore you senseless about Guot Guot. I have never especially fostered any of this, and I don't have to - it comes from him.

Whereas the many other things I have tried to foster, from schoolwork to art to reading... Jesus Christ it is hard work. He could be just as good at these things and he does just fine, but the interest is not there, and all the support and encouragement in the world doesn't give him a real drive to succeed.