7 month old is a nightmare when I go out

[Jellyfish1214]

I don’t know if anyone can help or just reassure me that nothing is wrong. My 7 month old baby has been fussy and very attached since day 1. She goes through phases of it being worse. But basically whenever I go anywhere she ends up going inconsolable. I’ve tried timing it after a nap, feed and solids and it still happens. My assumption is that she gets overwhelmed/overstimulated? I try and take her to baby groups but I find myself just getting upset as I look around and see the other babies contently playing whilst mine is upset. I see the other mums getting up and going to the toilet and leaving their babies playing on the floor carelessly whilst mine kicks off if I even put her down! I just wanted to know if anyone else’s baby is the same as I feel isolated with it all? And if anyone is in the same boat at what point did it get better? Is this potentially something behavioural going on that I need to be concerned about? Also just to add my baby had severe colic for the first 16 weeks which we never found a cause to this - I wonder if this could explain why she is the way she is as she required lots of comfort during this time?

"My 7 month old baby has been fussy and very attached since day 1."

I don't really understand why you would have expected anything different from a newborn baby? They are absolutely designed to be attached to you.

What do you mean by "going anywhere"? Going out and leaving her, or just leaving the room? Separation anxiety normally kicks in at around 6 months as your baby suddenly understands that they are a separate being to you and they fear being abandoned.

Babies are born with a temperament and it's not something you can choose or control unfortunately!

My first two babies were the chill, content, leave them on the floor type - my third was the clingy, fussy, attached, evening crying type.

They're all school aged now and there doesn't seem to be much correlation between how they were as babies and how they were later - my clingy one is very sociable and outgoing, one of my chill ones is still chill and the other is autistic.

That is the peak age for separation anxiety. My youngest clings to me sometimes he went through a phase where you literally couldn't peel him off me.
Also is baby teething or coming down with something? I find them very clingy when teething.

For pity’s sake can we have a bit of care when replying to a MUM ASKING FOR ADVICE which actually used to be the entire premise of this website before it attracted different kinds of debate and with it some bloody stuck up and obnoxious replies to posts.

it is patently obvious that OP is asking if her baby is particularly clingy- all babies are different- my baby was obviously very attached to me as in I am his mum. But yes he was one of those chilled types that would be quite happy rolling around or being held by someone else while I popped to the loo or whatever. As a newborn he didn’t require constant picking up and carrying either. I was lucky. I’ve worked with lots of babies and there’s a huge spectrum, some won’t even let you out of their line of vision.

It’s all within the realms of normal OP but yeah they probably are experiencing a bit of separation anxiety. I would try, even though it’s bloody hard, keep going out and doing things in short bursts, so much is down to temperament but these things do tend to go in peaks and troughs.

Sounds totally within the realms of normal OP and nothing to worry about. Tough as it feels!

Have you got a sling? Having baby in that, tucked in to you, facing you, should help with the need to be with you and limit over stimulation, while you get to talk to other people or have a drink!

The thing that I was not prepared for was the extent to which my babies would be little people with their own personalities and preferences, over which I have only a limited impact. Your baby doesn’t want to be down on their own, that’s ok.

Thank you to the nice commenters! I am not by any means complaining about my baby, I am simply asking advise because I have noticed she is behaving in a way that is different to other babies I see when I’m out and I was hoping there may be another mum out there who has a baby that behaves similarly for reassurance. I have no problem cuddling her, holding her, comforting her and will always be there to respond when she needs me. When I said she has been very fussy and clingy since day 1 I meant she cries a lot and does not like being passed around (even to her dad) I’m sure a lot of people can understand that is quite a lot of weight on one person and can feel isolating when trying to get out and about. Also she is no longer a newborn baby so I thought it may have eased slightly with time. When I am at home she’s quite happy for me to leave the room to pop to the loo or grab something from a different room, it is when I go out she suddenly goes inconsolable unless it’s an environment where there is singing. Thank you for the suggestion of a sling I will try that and see if that means I can enjoy a coffee without being stared at by the public whilst my baby cries the whole time!

Solidarity here. My little girl was exactly the same. People with their chilled out babies don’t get it, but it really is just their temperament and it is HARD. Mine was forever overstimulated but also bored if I didn’t go out, and needing CONSTANT interaction. Like, CONSTANT. I’d see other babies just staring up at shapes or lights or whatever else, and mine would just be wanting my full attention at all waking moments. From about 4 months she began to fight sleep to the bitter end because she didn’t want to miss anything and this led to public meltdowns at really inopportune moments. Leaving the house was stressful, staying home was stressful. Putting her down was stressful, the guilt at feeling glad when she went to bed was stressful…
It does sound like your little girl is like mine and has also gone early on the separation anxiety. This isn’t a reflection on anything you have done wrong, it actually shows how strong your bond is. She’s going through a lot of change and it’s unsettling, so she’s looking to you as her anchor. She trusts you.

It does get easier, especially after the separation anxiety phase when you can maybe start to get 5 mins every now and then. Maybe.

The moment it clicked for me was when I realised that she’s a very emotionally aware child, and extra sensitive to tension, criticism etc. She wasn’t particularly fast on her gross motor skills but she was always very advanced on the social-emotional ones. The ones I interpreted as “neediness” at the beginning.

I do second the baby wearing. It will keep her very happy just accompanying you as you go about your day together, you’ll get to get some stuff done, but I can’t promise the drinking a coffee in peace thing I’m afraid. We’ve never managed that and my little girl is 2 and a half. I’ve just come to accept coffee and restaurants as thoroughly traumatic events all round for the foreseeable to be honest. Our time will come again (is what I tell myself!).

Good luck OP xx

How Helpful and empathetic you are.

The OP has explained it’s about taking her baby out, not leaving her baby - although many babies are perfectly fine being left by that age.

Anyway OP, you probably just caught a fussy one - it’s just one of those things.

Do keep going out - while the other babies look brilliant to you, half of them are probably a sleep or feeding nightmare or something - we’re all guilty of comparing our insides with other people’s outsides.

Do accept she’s fussy and perhaps conscious of separation right now, and build up things like putting her down to go the loo and things slowly - perhaps start by asking someone else to take her.

Some babies are clingier than others, but you can turn them into Velcro babies by giving in and never putting them down - keep it short to begin with and she will learn that you are shortly coming back.

Do you have a mum or friends you can talk to - if not ask your GP about groups where you can talk.

OP remember that if other mums or people are looking at you in public trying to manage a crying or grumpy baby, 9/10 it is a look of solidarity and they’re appreciating how bloody wearing it can be!

you may find it gets better when she can move about independently a bit more.

Keep going out. It'll get more "boring" for her the more you do it.

A sling will really help as she's being held, but also you have free hands.

Hard as it is, keep giving her to people too. For a short cuddle etc, because again she will get more used to it. Go out when her dad's home for half an hour or so.