Male friend the only one who remembered my wedding anniversary

[Clockfun]

This is not good.

I'm a fairly recent widow. It was my wedding anniversary this week, it would have been 30 years.

We'd been to a wedding, as a group last weekend, and I'd mentioned, to the group that I wasn't sure how I'd cope with being at my first wedding without DH, especially as our anniversary was approaching.

They were all very kind and looked after me that evening, as they have done many times. I mean made sure I wasn't on my own, I wasn't needy!

Anyway the anniversary came and went, and no one got in touch, not my mum or my sister, none of my female friends, but this married man, who I happened to bump into on the day, remembered and gave me a hug.

I've had a slightly uncomfortable feeling about him for a while. He's very nice and it could just be that, but it feels like he wants to be "best friends" in a way that's not entirely appropriate for a married man.

I really don't need any complications right now! WWYD, beyond what I already do? I.e. I wouldn't go out alone with him and I don't message him outside of groups.

Hi - I am so sorry for your loss. Attending the wedding must have been hard. I am a bit unclear from your post - you seem upset that some of your friends didn't mention your anniversary but then also upset with the one person who did. On the first point, it would have been nice if your family and friends had remembered but I don't think many people remember anniversaries other than their own, and it sounds as though you just told your friends it was approaching rather than the date. It is good your friends were supportive at the wedding. I would let it go.

Regarding the male friend - you say you bumped into him on the day so seeing you may have reminded him and it is nice he then mentioned it and gave you a hug. I am unclear from your message what exactly is giving you uncomfortable vibes? It doesn't sound like he has done anything other than be kind. Was he also friends with your late partner? If so, then he may want to forge a closer relationship (can be platonic) with you because he misses him which can be common. Or he may feel that he should look out for you for his friend. I don't think you need to do anything at all. If in the future he oversteps boundaries then at that time you can react accordingly (telling him you just see him as a friend etc).

Sorry, I missed the part where you said he'd made you feel uncomfortable - in what way? It could be he thinks you would be interested in him. If that is the case, then it sounds like you are doing the right things in not seeing him by yourself and not messaging directly.

I didn't expect anyone to get in touch, maybe my mum who would have always sent a card, I doubt anyone else even knows the date.

But, in that context, it felt a bit OTT that he did remember.

It might be that when you said it at the wedding, it made this guy think “oh, when was that?” and look it up. Or “oh yeah, they got married a week before my mum’s 60th” or whatever.

And that because he bumped into you, he gave you a hug. He probably wouldn’t have called or emailed, just the two things came together.

In itself, I don’t think it’s worrying.

I'm sorry for your loss. But you do post about the behaviour of married men towards you a lot, to the point that I'm wondering whether your perception actually differs from the reality of situations. I think you read too much into things and ruminate on them until the whole scenario becomes bigger than it is. I bet he hasn't thought about it again. It was a moment of kindness, and forgotten about afterwards.