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How would you describe a good/not so good childhood

7 replies

Gifgaf · 05/09/2024 00:27

Me and DH were discussing our childhood..

Curious what others would consider/describe as a 'good' childhood, and what you would consider/describe as a 'not so well' (excluding the obvious childhood trauma bad).

What do you wish you experienced more as a kid/ and what you wish you got more from your parents.

For me, I wish my parents didn't prioritise everyone above us (the kids) and took time to create meaningful memories growing up.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 05/09/2024 00:44

I'd say I had a great childhood. My parents were affectionate & said I love you regularly. They were proud of our achievements.

We had several family holidays a year, none abroad, but I have amazing memories of them.

We went on family days out, again not expensive, I remember sitting in the car at the seaside eating sandwiches my Mum had made, then playing on the beach.

We were very fortunate at Christmas & birthdays but that wasn't what made it special.

I felt loved & secure. My parents were very happily married & I don't remember them rowing. They were supportive in our achievements and our failures & always had time for us. Things like playing board games & cards in an evening instead of watching telly.

My brother & I were incredibly lucky. Brought up by parents who loved us, loved each other & for who family was their priority

Anisty · 05/09/2024 00:46

Hmmm. Interesting! I think at the heart of a good childhood is parents that love one another, work as a team, navigate life's bumps through discussion and resolution with humour. Capable, strong and resiliant.

And then obviously invested in their children (and i do think a good number of kids is preferable - 4 at least for good teamwork!) but always with the end goal of guiding and supporting them into independant, well adjusted adults who are able to make their own way in the world, but also who do want to return for family gatherings.

Parents that are non judgemental, good listeners, that allow room for growth and full development of potential in an atmosphere of love.

Realistically, though, how many of us get that?! Or are able to deliver it?

I grew up in with domestic abuse, mum ill and in bed from when i was 14. She was dead by the time i reached 20. Dad shut up the family home, chucked us out. My brother, then 18, lived a life on the streets. Dad married twice more. Once to an alcoholic, then to a Russian woman who didn't bother telling us he'd passed away!

Does build resilience though, a bad start! To be fair, my mum was a great mum til she was ill and, with my dad being in the navy, he was away a lot so early childhood was ok and we did lots of stuff. Probably how i turned out fairly normal. I was pretty mature anyway as a teen, and managed to get away and do ok for myself by 19. Pity my brother was just that bit younger and didn't fare so well.

Gifgaf · 05/09/2024 00:46

Redglitter · 05/09/2024 00:44

I'd say I had a great childhood. My parents were affectionate & said I love you regularly. They were proud of our achievements.

We had several family holidays a year, none abroad, but I have amazing memories of them.

We went on family days out, again not expensive, I remember sitting in the car at the seaside eating sandwiches my Mum had made, then playing on the beach.

We were very fortunate at Christmas & birthdays but that wasn't what made it special.

I felt loved & secure. My parents were very happily married & I don't remember them rowing. They were supportive in our achievements and our failures & always had time for us. Things like playing board games & cards in an evening instead of watching telly.

My brother & I were incredibly lucky. Brought up by parents who loved us, loved each other & for who family was their priority

sounds so wholesome and special!

OP posts:
Redglitter · 05/09/2024 00:50

@Gifgaf I'd say it was, and the beauty of it is, my brothers children have been brought up similarly. He's parenting the way we were brought up &.that's lovely to see too

Garlictest · 05/09/2024 00:51

Mine must have been good - they took me to Stately Homes 😜

Gifgaf · 05/09/2024 12:11

Anisty · 05/09/2024 00:46

Hmmm. Interesting! I think at the heart of a good childhood is parents that love one another, work as a team, navigate life's bumps through discussion and resolution with humour. Capable, strong and resiliant.

And then obviously invested in their children (and i do think a good number of kids is preferable - 4 at least for good teamwork!) but always with the end goal of guiding and supporting them into independant, well adjusted adults who are able to make their own way in the world, but also who do want to return for family gatherings.

Parents that are non judgemental, good listeners, that allow room for growth and full development of potential in an atmosphere of love.

Realistically, though, how many of us get that?! Or are able to deliver it?

I grew up in with domestic abuse, mum ill and in bed from when i was 14. She was dead by the time i reached 20. Dad shut up the family home, chucked us out. My brother, then 18, lived a life on the streets. Dad married twice more. Once to an alcoholic, then to a Russian woman who didn't bother telling us he'd passed away!

Does build resilience though, a bad start! To be fair, my mum was a great mum til she was ill and, with my dad being in the navy, he was away a lot so early childhood was ok and we did lots of stuff. Probably how i turned out fairly normal. I was pretty mature anyway as a teen, and managed to get away and do ok for myself by 19. Pity my brother was just that bit younger and didn't fare so well.

I am sorry to hear the struggles you experienced!

It just all got me really thinking because I felt bad to say anything bad about my childhood but there are so many gaps and I genuinely wonder if my parents knew what they were doing and genuinely thought the bare minimum was more than enough.

OP posts:
Anisty · 05/09/2024 15:44

Well, you know babies don't come with a manual @Gifgaf ! A lot of parents are just muddling through and repeating the mistakes of their own parents.

Do you know the poem - This be The Verse by Philip Larkin?

They F you up

Your mum and dad

They don't mean to

But they do.

They fill you up with all their faults

And add some extra

Just for you!

So true! Do you have kids of your own? I think you do come to a point of realisation and maturity in life where you can actually move on from your past and be appreciative of certain actions that were taken on your behalf that are now of benefit.

For example, my Mum put me on the path to higher education before she died which is what allowed me to get away safely and into student accomodation.

But - i only fairly recently twigged that she must have blagged some story to get me into 6th form college. I was booted out of school after o levels (i am quite old now lol)

Only got 3 o levels and 2 of them were in English!! So school would not let me progress to A level.

But my mum actually did get out of bed and went and talked to a 6th form coll that did take me. Heaven knows how as i had nothing in Maths and had to sit a maths o level there.

And, for all the bad things about my Dad, he did support my mum and us at home (70s so all the benefits of SAHM) and he used to take us to Blackpool every year and we had the best fun ever there. My mum hated blackpool. When it was just us kids with my dad, we did have some laughs as younger kids for sure.

My dad had tremendous drive and energy to get things done, plus the gift of the gab. And i have inherited a bit of that. So, some pluses there for sure.

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