How do I stop comparing

[Ashtonn]

As a mum I constantly compare myself to other parents

Their child’s potty trained at 2.5 and mine isn’t? I’m failing
They seem well put together all the time? Why am I not

and even now stupidly, seen a friend of a friend post they’ve booked Disneyland Paris for their babies first birthday (next February) and instantly I feel like a sh*t mum as I’ve never taken my kids there

my kids are 2y8m and 6mo. I’ve found navigating this year hard and constantly want to do stuff and make my DS’ (oldest child) life normal but taking two kids out is hard and sometimes alone which is even harder

I I feel bad the past 2 birthdays for my eldest we’ve been to the aquarium (he loves sea life and fishes etc) and feel like I’ve not done enough

How do I stop it? I do it with everything and it drains me a bit

Side note we to want to go to Disneyland Paris, just wanted to wait until the kids were a little older as their birthdays are just under a month apart so thought one year (maybe 4th and 2nd birthday?) go for a big celebration between the two birthdays or just after the two birthdays

but I’m stupid and feel guilty that I haven’t took them yet
(we have been on holidays in general)

Alert message
... Social media is full of fake lives....
Enjoy your dc your way.
No dc needs Disneyland...
They aren't deprived and you aren't a shit dm because they haven't been..

Your friend is mad to take a year old baby to Disney, you on the other hand sounds perfectly normal loving mum. We all do it you know, comparing ourselves to others.

:( it’s draining me I just constantly feel I need to do more and social media doesn’t help it’s silly I don’t even have loads of people on there I have only people I know really no ‘ influencers ‘ or anything like that

it’s like my brain is always in a state of see what they’re doing you’re not as good a mum

like I could go out with my kids 6/7 days of the week full days out and the 1 day we’re in with no plans and I see someone on a day out I’m all “oh I’ve just got us all sat in” it’s draining and my eldest is in nursery some of the week too so hes busy in general

The fact you are comparing just shows what an amazing mother you probably are.

I do this all the time, I was just telling my DH I am constantly in a battle with myself on how well of a good parent I am and if I am doing things right and what negatives my kids will say about me.

Just think maybe those people you compare against maybe also compare themselves. Unfortunately social media has created such a false reality of things and that's why we are in this constant mind set.

Remember in reality, kids do things when they are ready and will eventually get to whatever you are stressing for them to do.

Ok, just to give some contrast, my son was there before he was able to come out of pull ups and nine before dry at night. It's a hormonal thing and trying to train before they are ready just leads to lots of accidents.

Will a one year old even remember being at Disney? Sounds like a huge waste of money to me.

You are doing great - children will remember the quality time you spent with them (in or out of the house!), not how much money you spent.

I think as your DC will get older it'll be easier to stop comparing/realise they've all got their things they do well/less well. For example, my DS1 was early to potty train (just over 2) but took aaages to sleep through the night, then DS2 slept through the night from about 8 weeks but didn't potty train till 3.5

Same with enjoying fancy holidays/days out...we went to Rome this summer - DS1 liked the macarons in McDonalds in Rome best and playing football with the other kids at eurocamp. DS2 said he had a good nap in Rome. Zero mention of the colloseum from either of them!

It's normal to compare, but remind yourself that you're comparing one thing, at one point in time. I have learned to embrace the existence I have, since, as a child, my mum didn't do much with us and we struggled for money and accommodation. But I'm doing quite well in life now. It was quite unexpected, grandparents, uncles and aunts had very low expectations of me and would constantly (verbally) compare me to my cousins. I haven't done well to 'show them' or anything, I just have a decent head on me.

Allow yourself grace. You can create amazing kids out of any situation in life.

DLP would be much better at older ages anyway.
People only post the best snippets of their lives on SM, understandably so. It isn't their whole life though so don't take it that way.