Has anyone attended mediation with their ex - what actually happens?

[Mediationunsure]

There's been a massive communication breakdown with my ex regarding our dc and some safety issues.

Mediation is starting in a couple of months (ex not seeing dc meantime).

What actually happens?

How stressful is it?

I know he will have an appointment, and I will, and then there's one together, but does the mediator put an agreement into place? Is it a legal document?

Just don't understand it at all, so any help would be appreciated.

Tia.

As far as I understand it whatever agreed is not legally enforable. The idea is it’s a bit of a last resort opportunity before going down that road.

I did it and I found it very helpful.

it allows you to have a conversation in a structured way that doesn’t lead to arguments.

The mediator is neutral and facilitates a discussion and keeps it on track. They usually calm a situation. It would’ve been impossible for me to reach an agreement with my ex otherwise.

they will make sure you have a solution that both sides agree to.

it isn’t legally binding, but they provide an agreement you have both reached.

its much cheaper than going to court.

I have to add here; the fact that it ISNT legally binding can really be rubbish...

As they don't actually have to do anything they've agreed to.

You can get it made legally binding though, and I'd 100% recommend you do so. The mediator can get it stamped and signed by the courts.

Agree that this is the worst part- think this is why it useless with someone who is not wanting to come to a resolution.

but think it works if both people are largely decent human beings who are maybe angry and upset. Or if it’s a genuine communication breakdown.

i think in that scenario, mediation can calm the flames where a lawyer’s letter can make the situation worse and make it longer to reach a positive outcome

I think it’s only pointless if you have two amicable people who are sensible and realistic, and have taken legal advice. But given its divorce, this isnt the case with everyone.

They can’t give legal advice, but they can talk about what the courts generally accept.

my mediator was also a solicitor so could point the ‘argument’ in the right direction.

for example, you often get one side or both saying they want ‘full custody’. They can quickly shut that down and get each side arguing over how 50/50 could work, for example

Thank you all.

We split maybe 5 years ago and things were going OK, however the last 2 years there have been multiple safety issues, he refuses to engage with me at all and arranges contact through my 8yo which upsets my kid no end.

I had to stop contact after he put dc at risk of serious harm and I told him we need mediation at a minimum. It sounds like it will be pretty pointless if he isn't willing to engage at all.

Would court take everything (it's all documented) into account when deciding contact? Or would it just be every second weekend and a night through the week as standard?

Honestly, for me it was a waste of time! He played the doating hard done to father, behaved, we made progress, fast forward 2 days, he's a nasty twat, didn't stick to anything we agreed and then he cancelled the second meeting because he knows he would look the pathetic weak man that he is.

Sounds like my ex, he talks a great talk of being an amazing dad, but the reality is very different.

He's actually loving the fact I have stopped contact at the moment because he's telling everyone his sob story and how awful I am and revelling in the sympathy, without telling anyone that my child had concussion and I had no idea there was even a head injury at all, let alone a head injury followed by sickness.

He will never admit he is in the wrong about anything.

I just want safe, secure contact and the ability to communicate necessary details, I didn't think it was too much to ask.

@whymewhyme sounds like we were married to similar types! Mine pulled out of first mediation, but did finally go to mediation a couple of years later. It worked for some aspects of our agreement, but not others where I needed to go to court. It’s a real shame that mediation isn’t legally binding.

@Mediationunsure hearing your updates, it’s sounds like court is your best option. However, they require you to attend a mediation assessment to start with. It may be worth attempting a session to at least say where your ex stands on the issues? You have nothing to lose in that nothing you say is legally binding either. I think yours also has a safeguarding issue- you need to speak to a solicitor about this.