Dd has been offered 2 great sport opportunities, how do I decide - or do I have to? Anyone with kids who do 2 sports at a fairly high level?

[Goodproblemtohaveiguess]

Dd is 10, she has always been very sporty and active (doesn't get it from me).

Since turning 10 she has been offered the opportunity to join the fight team at her martial arts, and also offered a place training for the youth team of our local football club.

She already has activities every day (totally her choice and led by her) so would have to give up a couple of those in order to do this as training for both, it just seems so intense at 10 to be doing 2 sports at that kind of level.

My other dcs hobbies are music/dance/reading/art based so, until dd, I was never a sporty kind of mum

Her schedule would look like

Monday - 2 hours of football
Tuesday - 2 hours martial arts
Wednesday - 2 hours of football
Thursday - 2hours of martial arts
Friday - Rugby - 1 hour, running club - 1 hour
Saturday 2 hours football in the morning, 1 hour martial arts in the afternoon (plus some events for both at times)
Sunday - football match (or training for an hour when they don't have a match.

Her schedule just now is similar, but 45mins/1 hour rather than 2, and she also has a music lesson at the weekend.

I could put a stop to running and rugby if need be, and time/financial constraints will be stopping her music lesson (although she will practice via YouTube tutorials when she can).

It's great that she is active, she literally never sits still from the second she wakes up (at 5am) until she goes to bed, but I don't know if she should just concentrate on one sport at this level, or does this sound OK?

You haven’t mentioned what she wants.

Does she have a favourite? Does she want to do both? Can she fit it in around her homework and social life.
Can you as a family cope with taking her to all of that? How does it affect your other children?

Without knowing all of the above, I’d let her do the martial arts and football and get her to drop the rugby and running to give her some down time (and you). I think she will naturally lean towards one over the other in time.

Does she want to do both?

One is a team sport (I know the fight team is a ‘team’ but presume it’s one-on-one in actual competitions?) so is that more or less appealing to her?

Presumably if she doesn’t take up the opportunities now she can still carry on with each activity, or are either/both of them use it or lose it chances?

I don't know the science but a physio once told us that DC shouldn't do more hours a week of 'elite training' than their age - so 10 hours a week for a 10 year old. I'd be concerned about the risk of injuries - particularly with 2x quite physical sports when she is growing and developing.

In your position I'd be tempted to drop rugby and running club to give her a full rest day on a Friday and then see how the first few months of the new schedule work out for her.

You can always drop it back slightly if it's proving too much. Maybe agree that if no football match she can have a Sunday off or drop the Saturday martial arts if she's been at football?

How understanding are the coaches in both sports? Can they agree to be a bit flexible given that she's probably doing training in each sport that will benefit the other in terms of strength and conditioning.

You don't really mention what she thinks about this, but it does seem a lot. My DS plays football at a fairly decent level and has practice 3 x a week, plus one tactical, and one gym session with the team. At least one game at the weekend.

The questions I would have for you from my experiences, are whether other things are involved, for example, are there team building evenings, are there camps in the school holidays or tournaments. How much equipment will be needed and can you afford this, and the time to take her to these activities? Do her football games include being there hours in advance and them doing an hours or more practice before the game? What league would the team she would be joining be playing in? How far away are the games and does the team do a lot of other things like tournaments, friendlies etc. Usually the higher you play, the further you travel. You will need to factor all this in to the decision. Worst case you are going to have a lot of scheduling clashes.

Could you drop rugby and running, and see how she gets on with two sports and then drop if necessary?

Yes, sorry, I should have said, she is really keen to do both.

Her siblings are older so it won't affect them really,they all have their own jobs, college, friends etc.

She can still do the activities, but it's been about 5 years in the making, and she's been so excited to be 10 so she can try out for the teams, and she absolutely smashed it for both. I don't really want her to feel as though all her hard work was a waste.

I kind of thought she would choose one over the other as time went on, but she really enjoys both.

Running and rugby are just kind of hobbies that she does, but she doesn't want to go anywhere with those so stopping those would be a good compromise (and mean I'm not standing in a field for hours, or waiting about at a sports centre for one blissful night a week).

Yes drop rugby drop running club

It will probably fairly quickly become apparent that she is better at either the football or the martial arts.

Football in particular is very competitive and they drop people quickly if they don't make the grade.

The coaches are brilliant, they have both offered 3 months to her to see how she feels and gets on.

The martial arts just does the odd day here and there in the holidays, she was at her football camp for 5 out of the 6 weeks holidays, but she's been doing that for a few years anyway.

The time isn't really an issue, she has all the equipment she needs at the moment, and both clubs offer swaps, so when she grows out of something I hand that in (if the condition is good) and she will get a replacement of it that has been donated.

At her age the football matches entail showing up 30 mins before, when she hits 12 and goes to a girls team rather than a mixed one then I think it's a little more intense.

The martial arts are very flexible about dropping back a session or 2 if need be, the football is more strict about attendance.

She can still do the activities, but it's been about 5 years in the making, and she's been so excited to be 10 so she can try out for the teams, and she absolutely smashed it for both. I don't really want her to feel as though all her hard work was a waste.

I mean, if this is the main issue then I think you need to let her try and just drop the running and rugby. The time to have said ‘you can’t do both, you should choose’ was probably earlier, before she tried out?

As PPs say, junior football is pretty intense so it may resolve itself anyway, and if martial arts is a bit less rigid then you have a bit of time to see how it goes. And if the coaches are both supportive and keen to have her that’s helpful as well.

Sounds like a lovely position for her to be in. Definitely some things need to be dropped while she tries things out. But how great for her. Hope she will also be ok if one of them does not work out the way she wants it. Sad to drop music but she can always go back to it later if she wants. You sounds like a great supportive mum.

She's a goalie in football (most of the time).

Good goalies are hard to come by, moreso female goalies who are good, so they are very keen to keep her, I know the girls team has been struggling for goalies for a couple of years at least and they have been on the countdown for dd to be 10 to sign her up,so I can't imagine they would drop her.

To be honest I thought by this point she would have chosen one over the other at this level, so I did make a bit of a mistake there. There are definitely worse problems to have than a kid that's too sporty I suppose.

I'll drop music, rugby and football, keep martial arts and football, and see how she gets on for the next few months.

Wish me luck (and RIP any social life I may have had 🤣).

Thanks for the advice

I speak as a rugby Mum drop that for now and running possibly (but excellent companion for football if she sticks with that).

Try both for 3.months with the agreement that at Xmas you have a discussion where you her parents make the ruling decision on continuing or not (if she still loves both)

At 10 the idea is to still keep their sports options wide...usually at 12 there is a ramp up in commitment/levels etc so no need to pick a side completely yet!

I think when they're young it's great to respond to their interests and give them a range of activities. It's inevitable that if they show an aptitude for something, they have to drop other activities.

It would be nice to pursue both the football and martial arts for a couple of years, as others have said, it will likely become obvious which she's better at.

And at least it's not swimming, gymnastics or dance, which can have many many hours of training but this age!

I’d drop the rugby for now as relatively easy to pick it back up later - loads of v good female players start from scratch at U14/16 as it’s not a v technical sport relative to football. If you can run, catch, kick and like tackling then you’re golden- no fancy footwork required.

One of my DD was doing 12 hours in a sport when she was age 6, on a national pathway, alongside swimming and netball. By 10 she was doing in excess of 20 hours. She's dropped that now and is GB standard in a another sport and county in one more. She's 11.

Just keep it light. It's more about it's a lot of driving around for you than it's high level sport from what you're describing. More sport the merrier at that age in my opinion.

In terms of lifelong benefits though which would lead to better outcomes?

Running and martial arts probably have the best transferable skills and lead into lifelong activity and continuing beyond age group competitions.

Are there more women's rugby or football teams around you, are there opportunities should she want to continue beyond U17s? DD plays rugby but often has to cluster with another team to make up numbers that's less likely in football.

Injuries that ends sporting career I dare say are more common in football than MA with delicate knees and ankles - but at the 6th form I worked at we often had scouts from US universities take football students on scholarships so that's a possibility.

I'd give it a try and see how it goes. It might be harder to fit in when homework ramps up in secondary school.

@Goodproblemtohaveiguess so when does she do homework??? or have some relaxation/downtime???

I coach a sport and was also told on a course that children shouldn't do more hours in a week than their age in years and that, for young children at least, that should include school PE. Your proposed schedule is considerably more than 10 hours with no rest day and I would be concerned about the risks of over training. Rest is really important, as is good nutrition which can be hard to achieve if you're out every day.
Of course it does depend to a degree what actually happens in those hours. For example, my DD is a dancer and she was spending more than 10 hours a week at the studio by your DD's age but she definitely wasn't actively dancing for all of it - there was quite a bit of down time/socialising too. However, if all those sessions are full on for 2 hours I'd think it is probably too much for her age.
It is difficult to keep a balance when a child enjoys more than one sport equally I know. My DS has done two sports to a fairly high level and quite a lot of the younger kids I coach play multiple sports. I feel quite strongly that at this age the top priority should be fun and that care should be taken to protect developing minds and bodies. Later on there's often a bit of natural selection that occurs, such as for my DS when he got selected for the regional squad in one of his sports and was also in his exam years at school he had to more or less drop the other. But there's a lot to be said for trying lots of different stuff when you're young rather than focusing on one very early. The downsides of very early specialisation and overtraining are being more widely recognised in many sports now.
I think I'd be looking for a compromise which allows her to keep a variety of activities but have some down time too - as a PP said, the coaches' attitudes are key here and there's a fine line between enthusiasm and obsession to watch out for. I don't mind if the youngsters I coach give training a miss or aren't available to compete some weeks because they have something on in another activity or want to go to a birthday party etc, in fact I encourage it, but I know that attitude is not universal. So I'd sound both clubs out before you make any decisions. What's going to happen if there are competition clashes for instance? Do they each know about the other sport and the impact it may have on your DD in terms of well being as well as availability? Personally I would walk away from a coach who isn't willing to cooperate in order to keep a kid engaged and healthy.

Dd enjoys the rugby once a week, but she isn't really interested in matches or anything like that, thankfully, so that would be easy to drop, she has 30 mins of rugby at school lunch time a week anyway so won't be giving it up entirely.

The women's rugby isn't great around here, but the football club are ploughing money into women's football at the moment which is brilliant.

Homework is done directly after school. I know, through some other parents, that the school is supportive of extra curricular activities and they do run a homework club for those who need it. But dd should be OK.

Dd really loves being active so her downtime is always phyisical. When she has time she is at the skate park on her skateboard, or playing football with her friends, or practising her instrument. She's always doing something, she's really not happy to sit and watch a film or play on her tablet or whatever. She's always been like it.

Both the coaches know about her other activity, I've discussed it with them both. They are both very supportive. She's been attending both since she was 5 so they know her well.

With the football I believe there will be at least an hour training, then some strategy stuff, watching various matches, they have speakers who come in, a physio who comes regularly to give advice, they do team building things as well.

The martial arts isn't all physical either, they do a lot of mindfulness work etc.

I won't fully know exactly how physical it all is until the trial times for both.

I have meal prepping down to an art form so she is getting everything she needs.

A boy a year below my son at school played high level football and golf from around We used to take him to/from school. He was always tired, shadows under his eyes. Ate breakfast/did homework in the car so he could stay as long as possible in bed and often fell asleep on the afternoons I picked him up. On the other two afternoons, mother or grandparents picked him up to drive him to a first division junior academy over an hours drive on the motorway (on a good day) away.

Felt so sorry for him.

I think try both then let her decide which ones to drop based on how she feels. I wouldn’t be specialising so early

Dd doesn't easily get tired. She's wide awake and dressed and ready for the day by 6am every morning, weekends, holidays, school days.... she's always been an early riser. Also doesn't get that from me.

If she were to start struggling then things would be different. I'm not pushing anything it's all totally led by her.

I'm fortunate that both her clubs are within 10 minutes of my house as well so no crazy drives.

I'm going to let her do both the 3 month trials, starting next week, and see how we get on.