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Men who make you uncomfortable

7 replies

Mil3nnial · 04/09/2024 10:23

This is prompted by a trip to the village Post Office. The man who owns it is generally considered friendly and makes an effort to be part of the village and markets itself as being there for the village. People sing their praises (him and his wife). He makes me uncomfortable. He has been friendly by giving me sweets for free before (just once and I assumed to get me to come back) and my daughter when I first took her in. He suggested my husband and I go out for dinner with him and his wife once and I sort of said loosely that it sounds good but not mentioned again. I have his number as he gave it to me once I can't remember why but wouldn't be surprised if he was just being helpful or friendly.

He "jokes" with me when I go in. If I ask to send a parcel he'll say "I don't know, can you?" or "no" or just won't answer. Tbh I'd weeks he did something similar and it makes me not want to go in!

It reminded me of someone at work who also makes me uncomfortable by "joking". This person is very senior and often makes comments. Example I was sitting alone having lunch and he said "Why aren't you sitting with them? Don't they like you?" I don't know what to say. other times he's asked questions that I don't know how to answer. I am ND and so it's possibly I'm misinterpreting something or just not responding in the lighthearted way it is intended.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 04/09/2024 10:25

You don’t need to justify why someone makes you uncomfortable, your feelings are valid.

SquirrelSoShiny · 04/09/2024 10:28

He's passive aggressive and sneaky. You are probably reading him right. Trust your gut. I've met men like this before and now I'm grey rock or full ice maiden with them.

PollyDactyl · 04/09/2024 10:28

I would use a different post office.

MidYearDiary · 04/09/2024 10:31

Well, I'm neurotypical, and I'd find his attitude deeply irritating and be quite upfront about it. 'Enough with the hilarity, Nigel, I'm in a hurry. Two books of stamps, please.'

GingerPirate · 04/09/2024 10:49

Uncomfortable this way, none, really.
I cannot see why as a 45 yo woman should I get on with this particular 💩.

Blubbled · 04/09/2024 11:18

Your sense of being uncomfortable is valid IMO. I think inviting ye to dinner with himself and his wife when he barely knows you is a bit "forward" for want of a better word. It'd make me wonder what he was after! The other thing that would make me wary is how great everyone thinks he is- people high in Cluster B personality traits often present and very likeable front to the outside world, and work hard to cultivate the image of being good people, but behind closed doors, with their families, they're very different and not in a good way. Not everyone- some people who go out of their way for others are genuine but they do it because they care, not for praise.
If you can go to a different P.O., then I would if I were you. If you can't, then just "grey rock " him- polite, civil but distant. If he's forward with you again, pretend he never said it and just repeat what you've asked for in a calm, polite but distant tone. He'll cop on that you're not that easy to bait and hook and he won't like it but he'll have to lump it!

Mil3nnial · 05/09/2024 18:22

Thanks everyone

it does make me want to go to a different PO! But then I feel bad for not supporting my local PO!

I haven't heard of cluster b personality traits @Blubbled so will look that up!

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