Surprised how sad I am - ectopic baby should be starting school today

[Stickthatupyourdojo]

Sorry, I just had to get this down somewhere. My eldest child is going into year 3 today, and after a long period of trying we also have an 18 month old. Back in 2019 I had an ectopic pregnancy and had to have surgery. I thought I handled it really well, almost too well if I'm honest. I felt fine on the anniversaries of it. I also had a few chemical pregnancies since and then a miscarriage late 2021. I finally had our second child last year, so a 6.5 year age gap.

I was fine all morning, walked my son down to school, took a photo to send to his dad, son was excited - all fabulous. Then I got home and I cannot.stop.crying. My baby I lost in 2019 would be joining their brother at school today, in reception. I am so sad. We always wanted 3 children, and I feel like it's hit me like a tonne of bricks. Today is my day off work, I don't have plans, just me and the toddler. I feel like I can't tell anyone this as it seems self indulgent almost, I'm luckier than a lot of people and I lost the baby 5 fucking years ago.

The path you travel to live is never straight. It bends and curves, sometimes it’s sunny, sometimes it’s grey. And sometimes, the path you diverged from in it’s own bending, nudges yours. It’s there. You can see it, and see some of where it’s going. But it’s the path you are not walking on. And, sometimes, you want so much to be on that path every cell in your body screams. And you never choose the time.

If today, your cells are screaming and you have the opportunity to indulge them, take a bit of time to acknowledge them. Tomorrow will come and will be a new day.

Sorry for your loss.

@TheSandgroper thank you for your lovely post, that is really kind of you.

I'm so sorry for your loss @Stickthatupyourdojo

DS1 was stillborn at 36 weeks in 2008. Life moved on, we visited him at the cemetery on anniversaries, special days, Christmas etc (and still do) and although it was sad, we held it together. DS2 came along the following year and it got a bit easier again. However, on the day that DS1 should have started reception, I was a blubbering wreck and completely lost it at work to the point where they wanted to send me home. It's the one and only time I have got that upset since the very early days after we lost him.

DS2 started Y11 today - and looking back at his 'first day of reception' photos and the fact we didn't have that with DS1 hit me again this morning and a few tears were shed. It's funny the things that bring it back to us, even many years later. Be kind to yourself today x

Thank you for your lovely post @KingfisherBlues and I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I hope today gets easier for you. You're right, there sometimes is no logic to the occasions that catch you off guard with sadness. Sending you love.

So very sorry for your loss. The little one we lost in 2012 should have been starting secondary school today, and I've had a little cry seeing photos of my friend's twins who are a month older than ours would have been in their new uniforms. It was a MMC, picked up at our 12-week scan, so most people don't even know that s/he existed 😥

Aww I'm sorry @spiderlight it's hard isn't it, especially when not many people know. I hope your day gets better

Thanks. Hope you're OK too. Sending a handhold.

I lost a baby at 12 weeks in 2002. I already had a 5 yo son at the time. She/he would have been 21 in April gone. I still think of them from time to time. Only natural I think. But it has certainly gotten easier to handle and especially as I fell pregnant after that miscarriage and had a daughter Sep 2023 who will be 21 this month instead. A blessing indeed. And she certainly kept me more sane as i had her milestones to concentrate on. And then had another daughter 2007. Much love to you x

Sending best wishes OP 💐

We have a 5.5 year age gap, when it would have been 3.5 if we hadn’t lost our baby. I found last year the same as you, when the baby would have started school. We feel very lucky to have DC3, but I often think about the baby we lost.

Sending love 🌺

That is a lovely post @TheSandgroper .

I have similar OP - along with the beating myself up for it! - so I really empathise with what you wrote. I had a relatively early loss after DC1, and it really broke me. During covid, to make it worse. I'm now fine most of the time and went on to conceive again successfully etc, but that little one would've been due around end October, and every Halloween when I see children the age mine would've been out trick or treating or in their little costumes, I fall to bits.

Mine would've been starting school this week as well, but I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in 2019

@TheSandgroper that is so beautifully put. Thank you.

So sorry. I shed a tear unexpectedly when my 13 week miscarriage baby should have been in reception. I was watching 11 year old ds1 do his reading and then what should have been my miscarried baby's class came filing in, dressed up as angels.

Thinking of you and all the other mum's on this thread. My 2 miscarried babies would have been starting university and year 8 this month.

Thank you for your thoughtful posts and for sharing your own stories. I am sorry we are all in this boat and I send you all love.