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I have to make a freelance work decision for my health

12 replies

freelancewoeisme · 03/09/2024 22:22

I've been self employed for almost 20 years. Covid hit and I went down to around half income. In 2021 I was contacted by a company to do a day's work a week for them on a self employed basis. Over the last few years that's fluctuated from 1 day to 3 days. They've been dangling a contract carrot for two years but nothing has ever come of it (only interested in a contract for sick pay, if I'm totally honest).

A few months ago massive budget cuts were announced. I assumed that if work was short because of budget issues, contracted employees would be moved to my workplaces and I would lose them (it's happened before). A fabulous opportunity came up for me which meant I would have to give up 1 hour of work for this company a week. I took the opportunity which pissed off the manager of the company, he had a right go at me about letting the project team down and has been very cold with me since. Not long after this, I lost a day's work with the company, not because of employees being moved over but the work not being there any more. Because of the opportunity that I took which cost an hour of my time with the company, my income has only dropped very, very slightly, so not too bothered about it income wise (going to miss the people I dealt with at the other organisations though).

Fast forward to this week and I should have gone in for training yesterday but couldn't because of illness I've suffered for the last month. I messaged the manager (which is all I needed to do and the training wasn't compulsory anyway) as I was waiting for a call from GP, and had no acknowledgement. This morning I messaged (again because I was keeping the line free for a GP call back) another manager about another matter, apologised for not being at training yesterday due to being ill and asked about the project that we work on together. There was no "hope you're feeling better" or similar, just straight to the point.

I have ADHD and the RSD has kicked in big time. I've always been a yes person to this company which is how I ended up doing 3 days instead of 1, covering for other staff as and when needed.

My main self employment has picked up a lot over the last year or so and is now better than pre-covid, and the new opportunity that I took is amazing and I feel really valued there. I'm really tempted to tell this company to stuff their work but don't want to tarnish my professional reputation. My DH wants me to stay on for the extra little bit of money it provides as it pays for little extras like weekends away or boys toys like fence sprayers.

I have to go into the company office tomorrow and I'm dreading it. Like I said the RSD has kicked in and I don't know if I'm taking it too personally that no one has acknowledged that I wasn't well yesterday or if it's a sign of how little I'm valued at the company.

Somebody please talk logically with me and stop me making an impulsive ADHD decision.

OP posts:
freelancewoeisme · 03/09/2024 22:26

My title said for my health. Over the last few months I have had a biopsy (all ok), full body bone scan, waiting for xrays for the same condition and now under investigation for this new illness, so don't know if I should just quit for the benefit of my health.

OP posts:
zazazoop · 03/09/2024 22:31

Either do the job and don't care what they think for the money or quit and not have to bother about what they think if you can't detach yourself

Cerialkiller · 03/09/2024 22:38

Sorry for my ignorance but what is RSD? Google is not helpful.

How realistic is your anxiety about going back? Do you think you could be blowing up in your head? I would go in and sound it out, it's possible you are reading a lot into the lack of comeback (I do this too) and it will be fine when you go back in. I would leave any decisions until after then.

If you do leave I would do so politely to not burn potential reputation.

SauviGone · 03/09/2024 22:42

Tell your DH to get himself some more hours at work to pay for his own boys toys, your health is more important than his desire for fence sprayers and the like Confused

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/09/2024 23:02

The joy of being self employed is not having to work for difficult people. Not being tied to them may give you more headspace for new opportunities. If you can afford to I'd let them go.

OrwellianTimes · 03/09/2024 23:12

Fellow self-employed business ADHD person here.

ditch it. Your original business is taking off again, and this freelance work is a distraction from that. Focus on what you love and the business you’ve built yourself.

If DH wants money for boys toys he can take up a side hustle.

OrwellianTimes · 03/09/2024 23:13

Cerialkiller · 03/09/2024 22:38

Sorry for my ignorance but what is RSD? Google is not helpful.

How realistic is your anxiety about going back? Do you think you could be blowing up in your head? I would go in and sound it out, it's possible you are reading a lot into the lack of comeback (I do this too) and it will be fine when you go back in. I would leave any decisions until after then.

If you do leave I would do so politely to not burn potential reputation.

RSD is rejection sensitive dysphoria. People with ADHD tend to be very sensitive to criticism and rejection, and feel it when it’s not even there.

MellersSmellers · 03/09/2024 23:16

Surely as a freelancer you have to have a thicker skin than that. I wouldn't worry that no-ones asked after your health - if they asked, it would only be out of politeness. Be professional and polite until such time that you have decided to bin them.

freelancewoeisme · 03/09/2024 23:53

@SauviGone I don't think it's actually about the boys toys for DH. We've gone through some really broke times over the years, built things up the few years leading up to 2020, only to see things go backwards again. I think it's more about if the washing machine breaks we can afford to deal with it.

@Jellycatspyjamas that's what I'm leaning towards.

@OrwellianTimes I agree with you. Please see my reply to Sauvigone above re DH.

@MellersSmellers I have ADHD and feeling extreme RSD right now. Having a thicker skin is not something like people like me have. I agree that if they asked it would be out of politeness though. But seems like they can't be bothered to be polite.

OP posts:
OrwellianTimes · 04/09/2024 08:23

My reply remains the same - you are juggling 3 different hats at the moment, and it’s too much. Drop this freelance work that’s making you miserable and focus on making your main business as profitable as possible.

You can’t do 3 jobs, you’ll make yourself ill, you need to put your health first.

freelancewoeisme · 04/09/2024 09:34

@OrwellianTimes Yes, I know. And I think I've made my mind up to do that. I have a history of making rash decisions though when I start to feel RSD kicking in. I don't want to burn my bridges or tar my reputation so I'm going to give 2 months notice.

I have to go into the office today. I've hardly slept thinking about it.

OP posts:
OrwellianTimes · 04/09/2024 11:00

Most of my ADHD “rash decisions” have been the best decisions I’ve made.

Moreover this isn’t a rash decision to be honest - you’ve been unwell for a while, unhappy in the role for a while. This is a decision that’s been building for some time.

If you have to cut back a bit on luxuries for a short while you’ll manage it for the benefit of your long term health and happiness.

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