Am I selfish for wanting to go out?

[wishinglifeawayy]

My partner works Monday -Saturday.
He finishes 1pm Saturday.
All he wants to do is watch tv.
I like to go out on a Saturday night for a few drinks or cinema or bowling.
Or just something fun.
He will go out but stay local (at local pub )
I'm so so bored
He won't even go out for Sunday dinner (as he says he likes Sunday to relax )
So I said Saturday can we go into city (20 min train ) for a few hours and get home for 9pm.
He said no local
You don't realise work tires me out.

Says I don't care about his "wants and needs "

I do but I need more than going to the local pub every single week.
I'm so bored
It makes me crave excitement and fun.
I just hate my life at the min

Well that was extreme I don't hate my life
I'm just bored

I think it just sounds like you’re not compatible to be honest. I’m a bit like your husband in that I’m happy with just a few hours in the local if we are going to go out, and luckily my husband is the same. My sister is the same as you and would hate to go to their local every week, she prefers going to bars, bowling, mini golf etc, and her partner is the same.

You’re not selfish for wanting to do more, he’s not unreasonable for wanting to just stay local after working for 6 days.

Everyone has a different idea of relaxing/fun, for some of us that’s a few hours in the local, for some of us that’s bars/activities. Neither is wrong, it’s just different.

I remember the days of working outside of the house all week. I didn’t want to leave at all when I got back to my sanctuary.

my XH was just the opposite and it really bothered me. I needed to rest and recharge .

just how deep are you into this relationship? Do you share children?

do you work? Are you relying on him for all of your social activity?

Working 5.5 days a week is probably very tiring - is it a physical job and physically tiring too, or more mentally tiring?

It just sounds like you're not on the same page with how you want to spend your downtime!

Do you work? Could you perhaps go out after work on a Friday or similar to get your "excitement"?

Yeah I work Monday -Friday
We have been together 4 years and live together
No kids yet
I love him
He loves me
I just need more than the local pub
He used to love doing all sorts when we first met

He doesn't care about your "wants and needs" does he, so throw that back where it came from the next time he says it.

Are you happy in this relationship?

Poor guy sounds knackered. I probably wouldn’t want to go out on Saturday afternoon, either. But I don’t see why he couldn’t do something more exciting than the pub on Sunday.

Do you have other friends to socialise with?

it’s ok having different preferences, but there needs to be some give and take. He’s not considering your wants and needs. I’d try to have a serious rational conversation with him about it, if there’s no compromise I’d seriously consider whether this is what you want your life to be. Love can easily turn to resentment if you don’t feel that your needs and wants are ever considered.

I said why don't you come home Saturday and relax
Il make us a nice tea and then we can go out Sunday.
Nothing crazy ,just thought Rio steakhouse,my treat but he said he can't be bothered

Reminds me of Shaun in Shaun of the Dead always wanting to go to The Winchester!

He is comfortable isn’t he and maybe a homebird. DS would probably be like this but his GF has made it very plain that they need to go out, she is a social butterfly. So at the weekends they tend to have a day of watching Netflix and doing nothing at all and then a trip out. Obviously there is the financial aspect, any issue there at all?

He works long hours - I'm not sure I'd want to go out at the weekend if I worked 5.5 days every week.

Can't you go out with your friends? I don't think it's particularly healthy to rely on your partner for your social life. Maybe he'd feel happier to come out if there was a bit more balance?

You can either finish the relationship as you're not compatible or start going out with friends.

No we have spare money a month which is annoying

You can love someone and they can still be a bad match. How to spend a Saturday afternoon or a Sunday morning is actually one of the most important measures of a relationship.

I went and found someone who would compete with me doing the Sunday Killer Sudoku (at least before we had children) and I didn’t even have to ask. It just evolved naturally that we spent that time together.

it only gets harder once you add children to the mix.

I know for a fact my x is much happier now because we still talk. The split was rough, but he found someone who loved spending Sundays hiking. A lifetime doing puzzles would have driven him insane.

Absolutely agree that people have different ideas of what they like to do, and that's fine.

Its the complete lack of willingness to ever compromise and put himself out that would be the relationship killer for me, why does she have to do what he wants every week but there's no expectation on his part to occasionally do what she wants?

I can understand he wants to chill after work and even have some whole days at home, but itscsad he hasn't got the motivation to go out.

Would an evening out work one day in the week?

If you really can't get him out, get yourself out with friends, family or take yourself off for the day or lunch out on your own.

I agree that you're not compatible. He needs a telly-watching local pub lady and you need a go out and have fun felly.