Are you a "do-er"?

[LimeSqueezy]

If I'm visiting somewhere I'll always look up "what to see/do/eat in X" and then make some of those things happen. But my parents are the total opposite. I live in a tourist destination and whenever they come to visit they won't do anything unless I suggest it and then get us all out of the house. If I don't suggest anything they're perfectly content to sit on the sofa on their phones all day.

My brother and sister are exactly the same. They visited for the first time last year and honestly didn't instigate anything that they wanted to do. Like when I asked whether the pool at the hotel was nice and they just shrugged and said "dunno, we haven't been". That's just mad to me!

Are they weird? Or is it me?! I can't think of anything worse than visiting a new destination and spending two weeks sitting on a sofa on my phone. It's not like it's difficult to get around here either - we have Uber and my car is insured for anyone to drive it, parking card on the dashboard etc.

No I wouldn’t say I am. When I go on holiday I prefer to relax by the pool or on the beach and not do much, though I wouldn’t just sit inside all day. My husband is the opposite and is always dragging me to activities and tourist attractions all day every day. You sound more like him. I don’t think that makes you weird though, just different from me. We don’t all enjoy the same things.

I totally get wanting to laze by the pool or on the beach, that's a 100% valid aim for a holiday imo! Even a cup of tea on the patio would be better than sat on the sofa.

Depends where I'm going. I'm a homebody so I'm quite happy to just languish when I go on holiday too. I do like to have a healthy balance of being sat on my arse doing nothing, and also going out to visit places here and there.

My mam is a constant do-er, fills every second of every day or feels like time is somehow being wasted, you'd think her arse would catch on fire if she sat down for five minutes. It's completely exhausting. So I guard my "sitting around doing fuck all" time very closely. But I'd be bored doing it all the time.

Well, I will have gone somewhere specifically to do or see things that appeal to me in that place, so it wouldn’t make much sense if I didn’t then do them, if you see what I mean. I’m planning a trip to Madrid next month to go to the Prado, Reina Sofia and the Thyssen-Bornemisza, so that’s what I will be doing. But other people do go on holiday to sit by the pool, so thats presumably their idea of a good time, if not mine.

I don't get then personally but why can't you leave them to it? I really hate this encouraging people thing unless people want suggestions then why can't you leave them alone

It's not much different to reformed smokers or dieters who try and convince people their way is better

I don't see the point in travelling somewhere just to sit on a sofa. You can do that at home and save the bother of traveling.

I do mostly leave them to it (not least because I am busy myself), I just find it weird. When we do get out and do stuff they comment how nice it is, how interesting and pretty the old town is...I just don't get it!

But you don't have to get it

I don't get why they would bother if they were going to just sit on a sofa , might as well stay at home . Do you think they expect you to entertain them ?

@mycatsanutter no, I don't think they expect me to entertain them. They seem genuinely fine with not doing anything. But then they enjoy it when we do do things.

Yes. I couldn't lay around a pool for long. not into organised activities, I just like to see new places. Fine if other people prefer the chilled approach through!!

No I'd definitely be exploring. How old are dps? Do they chat much or just go on their phones?

I choose a lot of down time. Don’t like any pressure from others to ‘do’ things. Just do your own things and let them join if they want, why is it an issue?

I'm a do-er. I like a full itinery on a city break...I don't do beach holidays. I Google restaurants, cafes, bars as well as things to see. Hate wandering pointlessly

I definitely want to do and see things. The thought of lying by the pool all day sounds like torture. I'd go mad! I like to see the sights - not overdo it but definitely be out and about.

Do you think they're just passively waiting for you to suggest stuff, like you're some kind of holiday rep/information service?

I have a friend who lives in a really beautiful part of France and her family were like this when they visited her. It was like they turned up expecting to have a schedule of activities provided. She was perfectly happy to suggest stuff nearby that they might want to do, but not to plan and organise it for them - which they seemed to be expecting her to do.

And when they did do stuff, they kept calling her at work and asking her questions like 'We're in such-and-such a town; do you have to pay for parking? Where should we go for lunch? What's French for 'beach'? If we want to go to the museum, do you know how much the tickets cost?' Basic stuff that they could easily work out for themselves.

Is the issue that they’re not ‘going on holiday’ as such, they’re visiting you? I’ve found in the past that this can be a slightly weird dynamic — my parents and PILs seemed to think they had to hang around the house till we got in from work, rather than suiting themselves, because seeing us was the point.

We don't book anywhere until we know there's a good variety of things to do. We're out every day. I'm not a beach person (grew up on an island so not fussed about beaches). I can understand that some people go somewhere hot to sit on a beach even though it's very much not for me (we're going to Crete in October so we're not too hot for sightseeing, we'll spend 1 day at the beach at most).

My Mum and MIL both live in tourist destinations and we have more relaxed holidays when we visit them but still do a lot of sightseeing so the kids can see where we grew up.