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Please could I have your best logistical tips for new babies and older children?

6 replies

AveAtqueVale · 03/09/2024 09:05

Baby number 3 is due in a few weeks and I'm having a major wobble starting to panic about how we're going to manage logistics (morning school runs etc) but also making sure everyone gets enough 1:1 attention.

Re school runs: DS1 is 10 and is due to start next week at an SEN school which is a 35 minute drive away. He hasn't got transport and is unlikely to this year, so school runs are on us. Thankfully I'm taking a year of mat leave (starting today, yay!) so this is actually possible. He'll be in Y7 next year and can potentially do train and bus which will make life a lot easier. DS2 (7) is also starting at a new primary school, which is around 10 minutes drive from us in the opposite direction to DS1's school. The timing just about works to get them both where they need to be on time, but will involve over an hour round trip in the car for us all every morning, including new baby once DH is back to work after paternity. Both DS1 and DS2 absolutely HATED the car as babies and screamed constantly, so I'm panicking a bit about that. Plus just fitting in the morning feeds etc.

To complicate matters both DSs are terrible in the mornings: DS1's combo of ADHD and dyslexia results in getting spectacularly distracted - he's poor at planning and following steps, does stuff like getting dressed over his pyjamas without realising/ packing his schoolbag then walking out of the house without it 30 seconds later. DS2 is just not a morning person and has needed digging out of bed like a teenager since he was about five, no matter how early he goes to bed, and operates on 1/4 speed until around 9am. He also struggles to eat breakfast and I usually have to basically forcefeed him something (otherwise he's hangry by 10am and in tears by 11). Even with constant chivvying and getting everything sorted the night before, we were fairly regularly 'only just on time' for school last year, with both of them attending the same school five minutes away 🤦🏻‍♀️.

School runs aside, just wondering how you balance meeting everyone's needs as parents of three children with a largeish age gap? DS2 is incredibly attached to me and already in full panic mode that he's going to miss out on time with me, despite lots of reassurance and basically being very excited about the new baby. DS1 is actually very happy in his own company a lot of the time but needs a lot of support with homework etc, and really loves having time with just me or DH. I worry between new baby's obvious needs and DS2's very vocal neediness DS1 is going to get forgotten/ feel isolated.

They get on well but are very different personality-wise so have always been used to a lot of 1:1 attention.

OP posts:
WanOvaryKenobi · 03/09/2024 09:07

This sounds awful for everyone.

BarbaraHoward · 03/09/2024 09:15

WanOvaryKenobi · 03/09/2024 09:07

This sounds awful for everyone.

What a helpful reply. You must feel really good about that. 👍

No experience OP, but it'll be like anything, deep breaths and you'll find your rhythm. Any hope of DH WFH or flexing his hours and taking the baby for that hour? My first utterly hated the car, it was awful, but my second loved it so I'm crossing my fingers you get lucky this time.

readysteadynono · 03/09/2024 09:19

Have you appealed transport decision? SENTAS is a one man band charity that helps with this. I would peruse transport for oldest child through legal routes. Whilst that is working it's way through the complaints/legal system you are going to need to pay for help. Possibly the best thing might be someone to look after your baby at home whilst you do school runs.

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Gem230 · 03/09/2024 11:38

AveAtqueVale · 03/09/2024 09:05

Baby number 3 is due in a few weeks and I'm having a major wobble starting to panic about how we're going to manage logistics (morning school runs etc) but also making sure everyone gets enough 1:1 attention.

Re school runs: DS1 is 10 and is due to start next week at an SEN school which is a 35 minute drive away. He hasn't got transport and is unlikely to this year, so school runs are on us. Thankfully I'm taking a year of mat leave (starting today, yay!) so this is actually possible. He'll be in Y7 next year and can potentially do train and bus which will make life a lot easier. DS2 (7) is also starting at a new primary school, which is around 10 minutes drive from us in the opposite direction to DS1's school. The timing just about works to get them both where they need to be on time, but will involve over an hour round trip in the car for us all every morning, including new baby once DH is back to work after paternity. Both DS1 and DS2 absolutely HATED the car as babies and screamed constantly, so I'm panicking a bit about that. Plus just fitting in the morning feeds etc.

To complicate matters both DSs are terrible in the mornings: DS1's combo of ADHD and dyslexia results in getting spectacularly distracted - he's poor at planning and following steps, does stuff like getting dressed over his pyjamas without realising/ packing his schoolbag then walking out of the house without it 30 seconds later. DS2 is just not a morning person and has needed digging out of bed like a teenager since he was about five, no matter how early he goes to bed, and operates on 1/4 speed until around 9am. He also struggles to eat breakfast and I usually have to basically forcefeed him something (otherwise he's hangry by 10am and in tears by 11). Even with constant chivvying and getting everything sorted the night before, we were fairly regularly 'only just on time' for school last year, with both of them attending the same school five minutes away 🤦🏻‍♀️.

School runs aside, just wondering how you balance meeting everyone's needs as parents of three children with a largeish age gap? DS2 is incredibly attached to me and already in full panic mode that he's going to miss out on time with me, despite lots of reassurance and basically being very excited about the new baby. DS1 is actually very happy in his own company a lot of the time but needs a lot of support with homework etc, and really loves having time with just me or DH. I worry between new baby's obvious needs and DS2's very vocal neediness DS1 is going to get forgotten/ feel isolated.

They get on well but are very different personality-wise so have always been used to a lot of 1:1 attention.

You can do it, it's not easy but with a bit of organisation it's doable .
I get everything ready - school bags packed , lunches made and in the fridge , clothes laid out , shoes polished and by the door the night before . Wake the boys up first and give them plenty of time to get dressed while you change the baby . Make a quick easy breakfast for the boys such as toast or croissant / pain au chocolat that they can eat in the car if running late . You could give the boys an incentive such as half an hour on their computer games if they dress quickly while you are sorting out the baby.
Put the baby in a sleepsuit the night before that they can wear on the school run and just change the nappy and give them a good feed before you set off .
I normally find baby needs another feed and nappy change in the car before starting the drive home so always pack a changing bag and drinks and snacks for myself.

AveAtqueVale · 03/09/2024 13:34

@Gem230 thanks this is really helpful. I think I'm just feeling very overwhelmed at the moment (both DSs having conniptions about new schools starting tomorrow/ next week, giant baby permanently wedged under my ribs so I can't breathe, and we're in the process of selling our house/ finding somewhere else) and when I actually sat down to think about the logistics this morning had mild hysterics.

I'm sure @BarbaraHoward is right and we'll get sorted and find our rhythm - everything seems worse before you actually try it hopefully .DH actually does have flexible hours and wfh one day a week so on Fridays he'll be around to help, but he has a long commute so if he waits around on other days to do even the closer school run he won't be able to get home before bedtime. Might have to do that sometimes though!

OP posts:
AveAtqueVale · 03/09/2024 13:37

readysteadynono · 03/09/2024 09:19

Have you appealed transport decision? SENTAS is a one man band charity that helps with this. I would peruse transport for oldest child through legal routes. Whilst that is working it's way through the complaints/legal system you are going to need to pay for help. Possibly the best thing might be someone to look after your baby at home whilst you do school runs.

We are hoping to get it sorted but we originally conceded the transport to get them to agree to the school. I honestly don't have any hopes of getting it overturned this year, and by next year they can reasonably expect him to take the train/ bus I think, but will keep plugging away. I'm not sure how getting someone to look after the baby would work - it's an awkward time of the morning and I've never had any success with pumping - but I suppose if they absolutely can't stand the car it's something to think about.

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